| Fan Fiction |
by raindrop_symphony
Hurt. That’s how I felt this morning when I woke up. I just felt hurt. I still remembered the picture I saw in Yoochun’s apartment. I don’t know why but I felt hurt. I barely know him but I’m hurt. It’s not like were going out or anything like that. But I’m really hurt. Does that mean I like him? Well, I do like him. I mean, what’s not to like? He’s a great and gentle guy. Do I love him? Love? I don’t know. I’m not sure. I’ve only known him for about a week or so but then I can’t deny that there is a connection between us. But does he think the same way? What does he think about me? I hate this. Love and relationships are just too complicated for my innocent heart.
Work was the same as usual. I’m concentrating on boss’ room for the time. I was able to hire workers for the renovation and things will start by tomorrow. Most likely, things will be done by Saturday. I’m so lucky that I have a job. I have something to keep my mind busy—busy enough to stop thinking about Yoochun. I swear he’s been running inside my mind the whole day that I’m wondering if he would ever would tired.
It was Moonbin’s birthday today, Yunho and Utami’s son. The birthday party was held at the lobby of the apartment building around 5 PM. I helped Utami, Chie and Chiharu in the preparations. There were so many kids around and while I looked at their happy faces I couldn’t help myself from wishing to be a kid again. Life was simple for them. No hurt, no pain. Just happiness. Sigh.
Yoochun arrived just in time for dinner. I was doing my best to avoid him. I’m not sure if he noticed but then I don’t care. I’m too confused about my feelings. Sigh.
The night could have ended right if not for the confirmation of my theory. I was right. The girl in the picture was Yoochun’s girlfriend. WAS. I really don’t want to admit this but I was relieved that she’s a WAS in Yoochun’s life. How did I find out? You see, after dinner, there was this little girl who approached Yoochun and he lifted her to sit on his lap. The girl was around five and even at a young age, she looked very beautiful. I was giving party give-aways that time when I heard Changmin tell Yoochun that the girl looked so much like Aya when they were children. After Changmin made that comment, I looked at Yoochun and I saw a certain mix of emotions in Yoochun’s eyes as he stared at Changmin. Anger, sadness, fear. I don’t know. He must have noticed that I was staring at him since he looked my way. When his focused on me, I could see there was a tinge of shock in his face which turned into worry. My heart was beating twice its usual rate and I immediately looked away. The name Aya was running through my mind until the end of the party. When I couldn’t hold the curiosity any longer, I mustered the courage to ask Chie on Aya’s identity when we were cleaning up the lobby. I could see she was surprised by my question. She was very careful in choosing the right words while she answered me. She said that Aya was Changmin, Yunho and Yoochun’s childhood friend. Well, Aya eventually became Yoochun’s girlfriend by the time they got into college. Chie didn’t go much into details about the relationship but one thing that stuck to my mind was the words Chie used to describe the relationship Yoochun and Aya had—beautiful, happy, almost perfect. However, the relationship came to an end a year ago when Aya died during a jewelry store robbery. Still, Chie was very vague in giving out details and I presumed that she was trying not disclose too much information. I understand her though, it was not her story to tell and she wanted to protect Yoochun’s privacy. Listening to Chie earlier made me think of something, how would I feel if Yoochun was the one I asked and not Chie? Would I feel better or would I feel more hurt than I already am. I guess I’ll never know. Yoochun didn’t even bother to explain. We were in the same place for how many hours and he never even thought of approaching me. Although I was avoiding him I really hoped that he would somehow make an effort to talk me. Maybe he could flash that smile of his and make me feel better. But then again, I don’t think it would help if he showed me too much kindness. I don’t want to hope for something more between us when I know that there’s someone else in his heart. Aish. I don’t know what to feel anymore. I have this very big urge to cry my heart out but I can’t. I just can’t. I can’t and I won’t.
I still get my daily supply of red rose at the front door but today, there was no quote. Just a rose, it was just lying there as if it was given out of obligation. From the time I met Yoochun every time I pick up the rose, his face would flash in my mind and I would wish that he was my SA. But right now, I’m not sure if I want that.
Cherry
♥ ♥ ♥
I woke up earlier than usual today. I stared at the ceiling for what seemed like forever before I decided to get up and take I bath. While I was in the shower Cherry’s face from last night kept replaying in my mind—her sad, glassy eyes, her nervous laughter, everything. The freaking dream still keeps on haunting me--Aya’s image, the glass case, the hand, the bracelet. Aish. I’m going to go crazy soon. Why do things have to change now? After one year of pain and recovery I’m back to square one. The past year took so much effort and now it seems like I’m put in some kind of test to see how strong I am. But why? Wasn’t Aya’s death enough? And Cherry! I don’t know what to do with her. I’m not sure about my feelings for her. I can’t deny that I have a certain degree of attraction for her. I like her, yes. She’s beautiful, funny, and a bit clumsy but it just adds to her charm. But does liking her mean that I’m somehow in-love with her? A simple crush perhaps but love? I’m not sure. I wouldn’t want to giver her any false hope because that would break her heart. I don’t even want to imagine tears falling from her eyes because seeing her cry would hurt me as well. So what do I do now? I’m so confused.
Today is Moonbin’s birthday. Yunho and Utami prepared a birthday party for him at the lobby and they invited a few of Moonbin’s friends and residents in the apartment building. I noticed that Cherry was avoiding me during dinner. I couldn’t blame her. Maybe she really was affected by the picture. Sigh. A part of me is somehow telling me that Cherry has feelings for me but then I’m not sure if I would want to entertain the idea. Sigh. I wanted to talk to her and explain about the picture. I’m not sure if it was the right thing but then I just had this urge to explain to her. Aish. Back to the topic, I really wanted to talk to her tonight so while she was distributing party give-aways I decided to help her out and to have a proper conversation with her. While I was walking towards her this little girl came up to me and couldn’t help myself from picking her up. She looked so much like Aya when we were kids. I suddenly thought of how our kids would have looked like if only she didn’t die. I got so caught up talking to the little girl that my thoughts of explaining to Cherry flew out of my mind until Changmin mentioned the obvious—that the girl looked like Aya. What was worse was that Changmin said it loud enough for Cherry to hear it. I knew she heard the comment when Cherry looked at me. At that moment I knew I hurt her for the second time. I wanted to approach her but then she immediately turned away and avoided me more for the rest of evening. Damn it. That time I was torn between looking for Cherry and strangling Changmin. I know it’s not his fault but then I really wanted to vent my anger. Anyway, I decided on the former and I was practically searching for Cherry the whole time. However, by the time I found her, I had the feeling that I was going to hurt her for the third time. Cherry was talking to Chie while she helped in cleaning up the lobby. I knew she was going to ask Chie about Aya—and she did. I was thankful that Chie was very tactful in answering Cherry’s question. Sigh. So much for explain to Cherry.
When Cherry was done helping Utami and the others, I already lost all the confidence to explain to her. I didn’t know where to start. And it’s not like explaining would make any difference. But then, would it? Would Cherry feel better if I explained to her? Did she want me to explain to her? I don’t know. I never really tried hard enough. I really don’t want to lead her on. Like what I said, I don’t want to give her false hope and then leave her hanging. That would hurt her. I don’t know what to do. My body is so tired from tonight’s events but I don’t want to go to sleep. Sleeping would mean having that dream again. I hate that dream.
Yoochun
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Chapter 12!! 6 more roses to go!! I hope you guys are still enjoying this.. Comments are loved.. ^-^