| Fan Fiction |
by raindrop_symphony
I woke up this morning and the events of last night replayed in my mind. Yoochun was beside me and he was sleeping like an angel. I touched his face and wished that I could wake up beside him everyday. But as soon as that wish came, reality hit me like a wave and I realized that what I was wishing was near impossible. Yoochun is still in love with Aya and I know that I don’t stand a chance of replacing her in Yoochun’s heart. He loved her too much, almost married her. If only fate didn’t interfere Yoochun and Aya would be happily married already. And now, fate is interfering again. I fell in-love, gave everything to him even if I knew that my love would not be returned. People might think that I’m crazy in love but I don’t care. Last night, I followed my heart and it only told me one thing—love Yoochun. And I did exactly that. Although I’m torn between remembering and forgetting what happened last night, I can’t and won’t forget it. How could I forget it when last night was the most blissful night of my life? For me, it was an act of love with someone very special and even if hurts, I don’t regret it.
With all those thoughts early in the morning, I picked up my clothes, put them on and went back to my apartment immediately. I’m not sure how Yoochun reacted when he woke up and I wasn’t there but I thought it was better for both of us to not see each other after what happened. Besides, I don’t want to hear his explanation yet. The truth is that I’m scared of what he has to say to me. What if he tells me that he doesn’t love me? That last night, he was too drunk and he wanted to forget the pain of Aya’s death so he decided to turn to me. I don’t want to hear him say that I’m just a substitute. No. I can’t accept it just yet. I’d rather live in denial that what happened last night was special for both of us than hear Yoochun utter the words that I’m too afraid to hear. For now, I just want to remember that blissful night I shared with him, nothing more nothing less.
So with a heavy heart, I went to work. I tried to hide my swollen eyes by using sunglasses but then people at work were too observant. I felt their stares and I knew they were wondering if I was okay. I acted normal but then in my heart a heavy burden was attached and I wondered how I was still able to breathe. Is this how it’s supposed to be? The pain I’m feeling now is far worse than my past heartaches. Compared to this, they were minor injuries and they never served the purpose of getting me ready for the upcoming pain I would be experiencing with Yoochun. But then again, every situation is always new and no matter how many experiences you have, you will always be faced by a brand new situation.
When I walked home this afternoon, I passed by a jewelry shop and I remembered what Yoochun said last night as he shared his story with me—Aya died in a jewelry shop robbery. I was curious on how jewelry shops looked like so I decided to take a look. I was looking through the jewelries displayed and most were engagement rings and wedding rings. I spotted one pair of wedding rings that looked so much like the wedding rings Yoochun showed me last night. Then it me, this was probably where Yoochun and Aya brought their wedding rings and sadly, where Aya died. I discarded the thought right away and thinking that it was probably coincidence. I continued browsing through the displays when I overheard the shopkeeper talking about a robbery that took place in the shop a year ago. He said a woman died when one of the robbers shot her. The shopkeeper even added that the woman was with her fiancée that time to pick up their wedding rings, a week from the wedding day. I almost cried right then and there. I couldn’t stand staying inside so immediately dashed out of the shop and walked fast to get home. But then my tears were faster and they flowed freely while I walked to the apartment.
When I got home, two roses were waiting by the front--the other one looking fresh while the other had signs of withering probably because I wasn’t able to check if there was a rose yesterday and earlier this morning.14 roses. How many roses more before the last one? “Set away logic, do what you feel is right.” Right? What is the right thing to do? I don’t even know the difference between right and wrong anymore. It seems like loving Yoochun has made me forget those things.
No matter how I try my best to be positive about everything, I never get past trying. The question is still hanging and it will always stay there, “Is Yoochun in love with me?” or was I really just a substitute just like how I feared. I didn’t get to see Yoochun today and for that I was thankful. But I can’t just avoid him forever. What will become of us now? I want to convince myself that last night was a flicker of hope for my love for him. That last night, Yoochun gave me a chance. But then again, Yoochun is not here to tell me that. I don’t know how he feels. I don’t know what’s inside his mind, his heart. Will I ever know? Or will I continue to be left in uncertainty.
Cherry
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Cherry's entry. I hope you guys got the picture of what happened. Hehehe.