| Fan Fiction |
by Acc.
Forever Love by ACC
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/4evalove/
Reviewed by: m_girl07 @ Artsy Asian Crew
Title: 3/5
-Your title is nice and simple but it’s not very creative. It doesn’t really tell readers much about what the story is about and almost all stories revolve around a love that lasts so it need to be more original.
Forewords: 10/10
-Your foreword had everything that a good foreword should have. You introduced yourself to your audience so that they knew you acknowledged them (I feel the friendlier you are, the more open readers will be with you=p). You also gave a brief summary and told them who the main characters were.
Plot: 17/20
-Your plot developed nicely and had things that created different emotions. For example, whenever they argued, I laughed; when Hebe thought Lee Hom slept with Xiao Qiao, my heart ached. There were some things that contradicted itself though. Hebe lost her job for not going in for three weeks but in an earlier chapter, Lee Hom said he would take care of it because they were one of their biggest shareholder. Make sure you explain what happened or make it so that it’s either one or the other.
Originality: 3/5
-I found this story to be a typical story about big companies and having their children fall in love. Although you did add your own twists to it, especially with the grandparents giving their family treasure to Hebe to merge the companies. Although I kind of suspected it, but I thought it was so she could mend his broken heart or something=D.
-Also, the scene where she gets a makeover and he sees her in a different light is a bit cliché but it’s a great way to develop their relationship so I can understand why you used it^^.
Grammar/Spelling/Transitions: 11/15
-I saw a few grammar and spelling mistakes that you made throughout the story but I noticed that you improved as it progressed, which is good because it shoes that you were improving and were noticing your mistakes. I’ll point out some things that I noticed just so you know=):
“…who were still working when everyone else are preparing for a relaxing weekend with their loved ones. Hebe was an editor for a popular entertainment magazine, and that was probably the only thing she is proud of.” (Chapter 2)
-Replace ‘are’ with ‘was’ and ‘is’ with ‘was’. Because you started the sentence with ‘who were’ with is past tense so you should keep it like that throughout the whole sentence.
”She was an orphan brought up by her Aunt” (Chapter 2)
-Aunt shouldn’t be capitalized because it’s not a name. The only time you should think about capitalizing it is if it’s attached to a name like “Aunt Yang”.
“How did Old Mr. Wang knew about Lee Hom’s attack?” (Chapter 3)
-‘Knew’ should be ‘know’
HeTian Organisation (throughout)
-‘Organization’ is spelled like this.
“She wasn’t sure, the only thing she was sure was that she liked the way she feels about herself right at this moment.” (Chapter 10)
-There are a lot of extra words in this sentence and there is a mix-up with past and present tense again. The sentence should be like this: “She wasn’t sure, the only thing she was sure about was that she liked the way she felt about herself at the moment.”
“Broken glasses, furnitures and photo frames were what greeted them as they rushed into the house.” (Chapter 16)
-‘Broken glass’ only needs the extra ‘es’ if you’re talking about eye glasses. Other than that, glass and furniture can be plural or singular=).
Flow (speed of the story): 8/10
-Nothing was too fast and it wasn’t too slow so readers weren’t left uninterested. The only thing that was a little unexpected was how Zax suddenly felt loved Hebe because he was planning to kill her in the first place. I know there’s love at first sight but when they first met, there didn’t seem to be descriptions about that.
Choice of words/Idiom/quotes: 9/10
-I found that the words you used to describe things and settings were great. I’ll explain in the next topic more. There was one that really stuck out to me in the 23rd chapter; “The metallic smell of blood filled the stale air in the now lifeless ballroom in the Tian’s mansion. The place was filled with silence, an eerie silence. All Hebe could hear was her own heart beat and the soft sniffles of her sobs.” This was beautifully written!
Details/Settings/Characterization: 14/15
-Like I said before, you give just enough detail for readers to visualize what’s going on. And the way you described certain things just made my heart flutter!=D
“He had a pair of mesmerising brown eyes which seemed to be generating 1000-watts of electricity out at her. His short, boyish hairstyle suited the shape of his face well. A miniature blue-tooth hung from his right ear. His broad shoulders were hidden under a black, ironed long-sleeved blouse with its first 2 buttons unbuttoned. The sleeves of the shirt were folded neatly up to his elbows, revealing a pair of fair hands stuck into the pockets of his black pants.” (Chapter 5)ànice!^^
Enjoyable?: 10/10
-Yes, very! I know this may sound cheesy but I used to be a big fan of 5566 when I was younger and reading about Zax brought back a lot of memories, haha. But I loved the way you described things and I actually recognized all the characters you used so it was easy to visualize them and to connect with them.
Over All Score: 85/100