| Fan Fiction |
by Team Awesome
O.O.O.O
Graduation was a big deal for me. It marked the only time in history my parents ever got along with any of my friends. Granted, they couldn’t see two of them, one of whom I was technically sleeping with. Okay, and my father was the only one who had a teensy problem with Jae. But that was fine with me; I could handle them around Jaejoong and Changmin. His name coming first in the alphabet, I threw Jae a big thumbs-up when he walked across the stage. Gee, the boy could don a graduation gown and still look like an angel in disguise. When I walked across the stage, everyone in the crowd was supposed to applaud politely.
Instead of clapping, there was outright cheering from where my family sat. Yoochun and Junsu were jumping up and down like maniacs and screaming my name. No one besides my brother and my two living friends could hear them. Yunho turned in his seat and shushed them. The people in back of him gave him the raised eyebrow. He ignored their stares and turned back around to flash a dazzling smile my way. I was fighting my laughter, shaking the headmaster’s hand and taking my diploma from him at the same time. I walked off the stage and found my seat. In front of me, Jaejoong started busting up. He had heard them too.
The headmaster said something, and then he paused. He looked around the auditorium.
“I present to you…the graduating class of 2009.”
We all screamed and threw our hats into the air. I sought out Jae and planted a big, wet kiss on his cheek. “We survived high school!” I cried, throwing my arms around him. He laughed loudly and hugged me tighter to him. My parents wove through the crowd and their arms were soon around me. “Oh, I can’t believe high school’s over! No more bells, no more fights in the cafeteria, no more ugly lunch ladies, no more duking it out in the parking lot to get the spots by the band hall…it’s all over!”
My mom was bawling, and my dad kept congratulating me. Yunho and Changmin appeared then, and they both shared a hug with me. Changmin was yelling something over all the loud noise, but my eyes sought out my two roommates. They were standing away from the crowd. Yoochun was leaning back, looking thoroughly disgusted with all the students in the crowded auditorium. His eyes caught a “happy” couple who were an inch away from showing the audience a public exhibition, and he twitched, closing his eyes. Junsu, however, was looking straight at me. His hands went up, reaching for me. “Sorry,” I mouthed to him, my hand reaching for his, too. Right now, I had to spend time with my family.
But tonight, I was all his.
O.O.O.O
Junsu rolled off me, landing in the soft grass that surrounded the lake. His breath was ragged, as was mine, as he drew me closer to his warm body. I wrapped my arms around him, making him my overgrown teddy bear, and snuggled against him. “I don’t want you to wake up this time,” he murmured as he kissed my forehead. “I want us to stay like this forever. We can live in the meadow and grow old.” He held me tighter. “I wish…”
“You wish what?” I whispered.
“That I was alive.” He whimpered and moved our bodies so his head was pillowed against my bare chest. “So I could hold you,” he said simply. “I don’t want this to be restricted to your dreams. I want to feel the real you in your bed…” He blushed. “I want to be able to make love to you as myself.” He cleared his throat. “Yoochun told me you considered asking me to possess someone a few weeks ago. Why?”
“Well…I wanted to see if maybe…we could make love that way.” As the words left my mouth, I knew at once the idea couldn’t happen for a number of reasons. One: Junsu would never agree to do anything like that. Two: if he did agree, Yoochun wouldn’t let him do such a thing. Three: I didn’t want just any guy in me. No matter what, it wouldn’t be Junsu making love to me. The vessel he would go into would be pounding away at me, not the man I…
I stopped myself there.
“You know I could never do that. Possessing inanimate objects is hard enough. We can control the Ouija board because we’re tied to it. It’s what keeps us here in the plane of the living. Not that I would want to move on,” he said absently, playing with my fingers. “I don’t want to leave you. But possessing people…it’s an etiquette thing, too. What if the person doesn’t want to be possessed? We can’t just go stealing bodies and stuff. It’s very rude, not to mention time consuming. And…” He scowled adorably. “I don’t think I could handle another guy being intimate with you.”
“Hmm. You’re right. Forgive me for even mentioning it.”
He hummed to himself for a while, and then he started to sing. “Miduhyo chonnune banhandanun marur miduhyo, gudaeyegen anirago marhaejiman, narur gyongsorhage baraburggabwa gamchwowassur bbunijyo…”
“Sing for me, Junsu,” I sighed, kissing his forehead.
We were lying there comfortably, sharing a kiss every now and then. We didn’t bother going swimming; all I wanted to do was feel him touch me. I sat on top of his waist, gazing down at him. He reached to push my hair back over my shoulder, his hand lingering on my skin. “Erin?” he said uncertainly, placing his hand on my waist. I frowned. He sounded like he wanted to say something.
But I never got to find out. I felt the sudden, sharp tug on me.
O.O.O.O
As I opened my eyes groggily, something dark flitted across the room. Cassie jumped onto my bed, mewling quietly. I scratched behind her ears and yawned. “Morning, sweetheart,” my literal dream boyfriend greeted me as he set a tray on my bedspread. “You are forever more unshackled from that dragging thing we call high school! You have college ahead of you now!” He pointed to the toast and bacon. “Eat up!”
“Thank you, Su!” I gobbled everything up within minutes. “Man, I’m really hungry…this is weird.”
“Why? Aren’t you humans always on the brink of starvation?”
“You were human once, too. No, I’m just suddenly very hungry. Starving, in fact…”
“That’s…not normal?” he asked, sitting on the edge of my bed.
“Oh, well. It’s just food, right? And I’m sure this craving’s bound to go away soon…” Yoochun walked into the room then, holding up my cell phone. He dropped it on the bed and walked back out, whistling to himself. As I finished the dregs in my cup of orange juice, I finally recognized the song and jumped out of bed, forgetting the fact that I was close to being naked. “Hey! HEY! You…come back in here this instant!”
He popped his head in. “What now, E?” he drawled.
“The song you were just singing…” I crossed my arms. “Where did you hear it from?”
“It’s something I picked up from somewhere…why?”
“Nothing.” I scowled at him. “Except for the fact that it’s the same song Junsu sang to me last night…in the meadow.”
Junsu turned to him, frowning deeply. “Now that she mentioned that, it IS the song I sang.”
“Hmm, what a coincidence, eh?” He started to turn around, but Junsu stopped him.
“Are you watching us?!” he asked in fury.
“I am not so perverted as to watch you guys fuck like bunnies.” He shook his head. “If you ask me anything, I’m going to have to lie to you. Erin, I have told you countless times before today that what I know is a complete secret. I keep it to myself because it is a complete secret. If I was supposed to tell you anything, I would have by now, wouldn’t you agree? But I just can’t tell you.” His face scrunched up. “I have tried, but it…just won’t…come out…” He exhaled sharply. “See? I can’t even start the sentence.”
“Can you write it down or something?” I pointed to my notebook by my bed.
“No, I was sworn to ultimate secrecy.” He growled. “Just leave me alone. I’m sure…” His face twisted again. “That the truth will be revealed in no time.” Looking quite ruffled, he marched back into the living room, mumbling incoherently. We watched him leave, and I noticed that he kept fidgeting every time I looked at the painting from that day on. The weeks after graduation flew by fast, and I was staring at a blank calendar in the middle of July. I tried to think of something to do, but nothing came to mind. Anything that did come to mind involved my leaving the apartment, and that was out of the question.
Junsu looked back at me, his face forming a smile. “What do you want to do today?”
“Hmm…” I looked around the apartment, checking to make sure I had no chores left from the week. The floors were scrubbed clean. The kitchen and living room were tidy. The counters were clean. The TV was off. Cassie’s litter box had been changed. Her closet didn’t need rearranging. The bathroom had already been cleaned. Nothing needed to be dusted, because no company would be coming over anytime soon. “I don’t know. It’s too hot to go outside and I don’t need to apply to anymore colleges.” I had been accepted to this top-notch university that was conveniently close to the apartment. “What do YOU want to do?”
He hurried over to the bed and peered underneath it. He looked up in excitement. “Where do you keep your pencils?”
“Why?” I asked suspiciously.
“That’s what I want you to do today! I want you to draw me, Yoochun, and the guys!”
“…You have got to be kidding me.” Judging from his wide smile and his bright eyes, I was positive he wasn’t kidding. I inhaled a breath and motioned to my closet. He let out a noise of glee and hurled the door open, tossing articles of clothing everywhere. I bent to pick a few of them up, but realized it was futile once they started to pile on me. He pulled out my large canvas paper and tossed it on my bed, but for some reason the pencil pouch kept going through his hands. “Let me get it,” I sighed in exasperation.
“Thank you so much!” He ran to the doorway, but looked back. “I’ll leave you to it. That way, I won’t ruin your mental image of us or whatever an artiste calls that. Have fun, and don’t pull your hair out of your head. Jae told us you do that whenever you get frustrated. Just call me and…” He scratched his head. “Well, I’ll find a way to calm you down.”
I smiled over at him. “Go bother Yoochun or something.”
After he left, I went to work on brainstorming how I wanted to depict them. To me, Jaejoong was the easiest. Since I always thought he looked like a fallen angel, I sketched him with his full smile, feathery angel wings spreading behind him. His hair was longer and much blonder than usual. I wrote his name vertically on the paper and set him aside. Changmin came next. I wanted to draw him reading, so the most recent Harry Potter book ended up in his hands, and his shaggy hair was pushed behind his ears. Yunho was a little harder to draw. How to depict my brother in a way that represented him well…
Finally I settled on a sitting pose, one hand bent and on his knee and the other on his waist. His arms and face were dirty with grease and oil, and his brown hair was messy. He was wearing a white wife beat with scruffy jeans. My brother was always clean and proper; it was fun drawing him all dirty and casual. I remembered to put all their names in my calligraphy on the top, bottom, or sides (depending on who it was).
Yoochun and Junsu were last. Yoochun was, of course, easier to draw. He had flirted with me from the moment he met me, so I wound up putting a large bouquet of roses in his arms. His eyes were lidded, and his full lips were formed into a coy smirk. His long wavy hair framed his face, and I wanted to swoon for a spilt second. Funny, right?
Junsu…I literally had to set my pencil down and think about how I wanted him to look. He was hard to describe: cute, adorable, endearing, lovable, smart, intelligent, funny, beautiful, gorgeous, handsome, sexy, emotional, sensitive, protective, caring, strong, thoughtful, kind…which one was I going to pick? Even as I wondered to myself, my hand had a mind of its own—taking the pencil and flying across the paper, sketching out his face. I put the most emphasis on the mouth I adored so much. The upper lip was sensual and bigger than the bottom. Both were curved upwards, a small grin. His pale face looked soft and smooth. His eyes were downcast, staring at whatever was near his feet.
His hair was fluffy yet spiky, the way I like it best. Whenever we swam, it would get wet and “deflate,” and he would shake it at me, trying to get me wet again. I would rub my fingers vigorously through it and make it fluffy again. He’d laugh and then we’d have a moment on the grass afterwards, whether it was passionate or sweet. As my pencil started on the outline for his shirt, my mind wandered around. It settled on a nursery.
A nursery? What the hell was wrong with me?
Even as I protested internally, I was searching the nursery, going through all the drawers and looking at all the toys. There was a lot of pink, so I guess it belonged to a little girl. The entire place seemed so alien, because none of it was…familiar. No one I knew had a baby recently, and I didn’t have any younger siblings. The crib was unforgettable; it had so many frills and lacey things. The pink pillows in the corner were fluffy and had light pink elephants sewn onto it. I leaned over and poked it, letting out a small girlish giggle. I couldn’t do more than lean, because…
My large stomach wouldn’t allow for that.
God, I hoped Yoochun and Junsu wouldn’t notice the teardrops on their artwork. I touched Junsu’s graphite cheek, and was startled to find my hand trembling. More tears welled up and spilled over, and I jerked myself back so I wouldn’t completely ruin their pictures. That same shaky hand came up to cover my mouth which was about to be overcome with sobs and I had to look away from my perfect ghosts’ portraits.
I was in love with Junsu.
Even worse, I was in love with him, and I wanted his baby.
What could make things seem more horrible? I wanted his baby, and I would never get it.
He was dead, and nothing in the world could change that.
O.O.O.O
Junsu found me curled up on the bed, clutching my pillow and weeping silently. He just touched my forehead and leaned close to me. “Are you okay?” he asked in a low tone. I started to shiver from his touch, and he moved back. “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to control my temperature. Do you need anything? Judging from the lack of paper wads, you didn’t get too frustrated. Baby, what’s wrong?”
“Baby?” That brought on a whole new round of crying.
“Erin, tell me what’s wrong!” He was still scared to touch me. “Is it the drawings?!”
“Mm-mm!” I buried my head into the pillow. “That word!”
“Baby?” he repeated.
“YES, THAT ONE!”
“Okay, I won’t call you that anymore! Um, how does ‘sweetheart’ sound?”
“NO! I don’t have a problem with the word!” I wailed, too ashamed to look up at him.
He was thoroughly confused. “Then what is it?”
Oh, hell. Damn me for not having a brain-mouth filter. “I want a baby,” I managed to squeak out.
The bedroom was still and silent. “You what?” he whispered.
I inhaled deeply and lifted my head. He was staring at me with the oddest expression: disbelief, confusion, and more disbelief. Confusion seemed to be winning. My throat felt like there was a large bullfrog stuck in it, but I was still able to rasp my next few sentences out. “I want a baby,” I said loudly and clearly (well, to my ears, at least). “I want to have a baby. And I want you to…” I gesticulated wildly, trying to find the right words. “Well, uh…make it with me.” I was only eighteen, after all. I had no idea how to describe the act that eventually conceived a baby without giggling.
Again, I was sure that no other expression could triumph over disbelief, but I was wrong. A shining joy lit up his boyish features, and he unconsciously scooted closer to me. “You want a baby?” he asked, his eyes wide. “You want…my baby?” He pointed to his chest, his mouth reminiscent of a fish’s gaping one. It was unable to close all the way.
“Yes,” I finally sighed, letting the tears flow freely. “Desperately.”
The brilliant fire that was in his eyes blew out. “But I’m a ghost.”
“I know.” I hung my head. “It was stupid of me to even get yours and my hopes up.”
“No, it’s not.” His freezing hand rose to cradle my cheek. “I’m touched that you would even consider having a child with me.” He laughed once. “Oh, I’ve always wanted to have a baby in this apartment! It would be nice to hear it crying for its mother and cooing for her, too. I want to watch you feed it and play with it and love it…” The fire seemed to crackle again. “Just imagine how beautiful our baby would look!”
“Junsu, stop it.” I stood up, wrapping my arms around me. I stared out the window. “We can’t have a baby.”
“I know.” He deflated on the bed; even though I couldn’t see it in the reflection, it was audible in his voice. “I just got to thinking about it, and it would make me the happiest man in the world.” I looked over my shoulder. He was approaching me slowly, and with the hardest look of concentration on his face, he wrapped his arms around me, touching my stomach. Goosebumps rose under my shirt. “I would be…happy to see your tummy round and growing every day with my baby inside. You’d waddle around the apartment once you reached the third trimester, and I would do everything in my power to make sure you were comfortable. Yoochun would be an uncle, and I know he would take care of the baby if need be.” He sighed happily, and I knew he was picturing the entire scene despite its impossibility.
“Su…” I closed my eyes and licked my dry lips. “It’s not going to happen.” I sniffled. “I want to go to sleep. I want to be with you right now.” I started undressing then, only stopping when everything was off. His face was thoughtful as he raked his eyes over me. For almost several months now, he had gone to bed with me, and he never got tired of looking at me. I always believed I was little more than a stick, but according to him (and sometimes Yoochun) I was beautiful. Whereas I found my breasts small and unattractive, they both said they were pretty and perfect. I saw my legs as long matchsticks, and they saw them as flawless art.
“Okay.” He watched as I crawled under the covers. It took four songs to get me to close my eyes.
Right before I went to sleep, I heard him whisper, “Yoochun? Can I talk to you?”
O.O.O.O
The meadow was cloudy, but thankfully no rain fell. I sat at the edge of the waterfall, kicking my legs in the water. He sat beside me, holding my hand and staring at the disturbed water. I slid into the lake and swam around for a few minutes, but he stayed on dry land, just sitting and staring. I eventually pulled him into the grotto behind the waterfall. He snapped out of his reverie and took over from there. My body grew warm when he touched the inside of my thighs. I settled onto the green moss and spread my legs so he could get a better feel. He leaned forward and placed tiny kissed on my navel, circling my belly button.
“That tickles,” I protested, grasping his shoulder.
He grinned up at me. “I know. That’s why I’m doing it.”
“Hmm.” I smiled and lay back down. His mouth devoured mine, his tongue going everywhere at once. His hands were busy exploring me, growing slick with every buck of my hips. My peak was around the corner; he sensed it and started thrusting faster. I rode it out, moaning into his mouth. He kissed me sweetly, reaching out his hand to wash it in the waterfall. I felt his erection against my stomach, and moved into a receiving position.
Imagine my surprise when he doesn’t budge an inch. He was looking at me intently.
“What?” For some reason, I felt rather self-conscious. Did he finally see how flawed my body was?
“Get up.” He gently put his hands under my arms and pulled. I rose a little, but he shifted me so I was facing away from him. He pushed me down just as gently as he had picked me up. My knees touched the squishy natural carpet, and then my palms brushed the surface. I had a clear view of the meadow from behind the waterfall. A group of deer were gathered around the lake. His body bent over mine, and I whimpered when he entered me slowly. He leaned over me, his hands either on my hips or my stomach.
“This is different,” I mused.
His voice was deep and husky. “Yoochun told me…that this is the best position to conceive a child.”
The sting of tears hit my eyes. I had never cried once when we made love, but I knew it would be difficult to stop. Sobs were quickly replaced by soft moans as he pounded purposely into me. I bit my lip when I felt my orgasm right around the corner. We climaxed together, weird noises erupting from the both of us. But he didn’t pull out. It seemed like we were like that for hours on end, his hips slapping against my skin. He must have emptied everything into me before he collapsed beside me, gasping for breath. I joined him, delicious shivers still racking my nervous system.
“Wow.” His hand fumbled around for mine, and brought it to his lips. “Let’s hope all that was enough. I mean, you’re not on birth control or anything, right?” He blinked. “This may be the dream world, but I still got to ask questions like that.” He chuckled. “So are you on the Pill, as my dear roommate calls it, or are you…not?” he finished lamely.
“No,” I laughed. “I never thought it was necessary.”
“Okay.” He kissed my hand again. “You’re going to wake up soon, huh?”
“I think I am.” I snuggled against his side. “But I don’t want to.”
“Look on the bright side. If you find something time consuming to do, we can see each other sooner.”
“Well…I’ll try to find something that will keep me busy.”
He leaned in to whisper in my ear. “Erin…”
“Hmm?” I closed my eyes, waiting for the tug.
The husky voice he had made right before he and I made love came back. “I love you.”
My eyes popped open, and I turned my head to the side. The tugging started, but I had to say it before I was unable to feel warmth radiating from him. He was smiling down at me, his face pink from the confession. I kissed him on the lips, trying to control the hysterical laugh that threatened to explode from inside me. “I love you, too.” For the first time in the dream world, the tug vanished, and I was able to kiss him some more. His arms closed around me with stunning force, and I was on my back before I knew it. He showered me with kisses, muttering his love for me every other kiss. I couldn’t help but say it back. “I love you.” Kiss. “I love you.” Kiss. “I love you.” Kiss. “You silly boy, I love you so much.”