| Fan Fiction |
by Team Awesome
O.O.O.O
Holding to his promise, Yoochun spoke not a word of how he knew the lake and waterfall had been added to my painting. I tried to flirt it out of him, but once again, my feelings for Junsu were well-known; the flirting idea got me nowhere. Many times I simply asked him, and he made the motion of zipping his lips. It shouldn’t have been that big a deal to me, but I wanted to know. Had someone taken my painting and redone it with some additions in the night? I wasn’t in the dream world that long, so it was impossible. Then again, that magic thing always hung in the back of my mind…
Graduation was approaching fast, and before I knew it, right at my doorstep. I had just gotten off of work (in tow with a load of good books for the weekend) when all three human boys I’d grown attached to in the past few weeks silenced me with that look of theirs and whisked me off to Yunho’s Lexus sedan, a college gift. They sped all the way to some outfitters, and it hit me: graduation gown fitting.
Our school colors rocked (silver and black) so our gowns weren’t horrid as can be. They were long and black, and whoever had honors would be wearing a silver collar thing around their neck. I was delighted in trying my cap on, even practicing throwing it off for when the time came. Changmin looked on longingly as Jaejoong and I twirled around, having way too much fun for two high school soon-to-be-graduates. He was glad he only had to wait another year for his to come. Yunho’s had already passed, so he wasn’t too upset.
“Here,” Yunho said, thrusting a package in my hands before turning back to the wheel.
I stared down at the box in my hands, trying to decipher what it was. Jaejoong squirmed in his seat, dying to tell me. I shook it, my ear pressed to it to hear what was inside. He lifted the box away from me and sighed. “It’s for Junsu,” he said calmly. Okay? Totally not what I had in mind. He must have read the incredulous expression on my face because he tacked on, “For a date we’re setting you up on.”
“Huh???”
“Yoochun kind of let something slip,” Changmin muttered, staring nervously out the window. “You see, he, err…told us you guys met up in dreams and talked with one another. So we went out and bought something for you to wear on one of these dream dates. Don’t give me that look, Erin. You might hate us for it, but he’ll love it. I guaran-fucking-tee it.” Changmin, always so blunt.
“What is it?” I asked warily, eyeing my brother.
He didn’t turn away from the road. “I wasn’t there when they bought it.”
“So you have no clue?” I waited for a decent response.
“I didn’t say that.” He grinned in the rearview mirror.
“Yunho?”
“Not a word shall escape these lips, I tell thee,” he laughed.
Still very confused and more than a little suspicious, I had Jaejoong open the box for me as soon as we crossed the threshold. He slid open the tape on either side of the lid, and took off into the hallway. I heard them running all the way to the elevator. Yoochun was holding a feather over Cass, watching as she attempted to catch it in her mouth. The lid fell on the sofa, and I peered inside. “OH MY GOD!!!” I squealed.
Yoochun looked up, and Junsu popped his head up from looking through my photos again. They were curious.
“You can’t see!” I stammered, throwing my arms over the box.
Junsu pouted and went back to the albums. Yoochun shrugged and stopped looking.
Lingerie. The most scanty, barely there…lingerie. I shuddered, imagining Yunho in these plans. That was a little disturbing to think about, my brother discussing brassieres and panties with my best friend and my neighbor. Jaejoong was understandable; he had this effeminate side to him, and couldn’t resist giving me more gifts. Changmin was a younger, cuter version of Yoochun. I could just hear him cackling when they thought of what to get me. But they were…eye-catching, that’s for sure. The bra was black and white, lacey with a flower design on the cups. The straps twined intricately, braiding across my shoulders and back. The panties were the same color and design, and (probably) barely covered everything.
They didn’t know if I was going to undress in front of Junsu. Truth be told, we had been going swimming these past few nights (and his kissing improved day by day) and he never once commented on what I was wearing; my nightclothes ranged from holey T-shirts and bikini underwear to something more adventurous, say a thong or underwear that tied with a little bow on the side. Junsu never looked; he was far too gentlemanly and sweet to do something like that.
The afternoon dragged on. Foreboding entered my body when Yoochun announced he was going to watch some soccer game with the guys in Changmin’s apartment. Junsu longed to go, and I encouraged him to, but (in a way that made me melt inside) he said he wanted to spend the night with me more, which made the lingerie look a lot better in that light. Aww! That was so cute! I grinned like a dork at that comment, and sped to the bathroom to change. The sexy underwear was incognito for now, but as soon as we were in the water, it wouldn’t be.
Going to sleep wasn’t…going to sleep any longer. I got a good night’s rest, but it was more than sleeping. It meant I was in the dream world, spending time with Junsu, someone who had unlimited time on his hands. If I could, I would take something that’d allow me a longer time with him. I ran this suggestion by him, and he coldly stated that it was the equivalent of OD-ing on painkillers. I dropped the idea right after that.
We were just chilling, floating around and relaxing in the cool water. He swam over to me and wrapped his arms around my waist as usual. He was getting a lot braver with his actions. “What are you thinking about?” he asked, nuzzling my neck. “I like hearing your thoughts, even if they involve me in some lurid costume or something.”
I weighed my options: answer truthfully, or be sexier. Truth or sexy. Truth or sexy. I decided to go with a bit of both. I fluttered my eyelashes and went into my cute, reluctant-to-be-telling-the-truth tone. “You,” I admitted shyly, batting the lashes hard. Water droplets fell onto my face. He kissed them away. “I’m always thinking about you, silly. You hardly drift away from my mind. When I’m at school, I think about the way you flail as you jump off the cliff. When I do chores around the apartment, I think about your smile and your dimples. When I’m out with the boys, I can’t wait to get back home so I can see you.”
He pushed a wayward strand of hair behind my ear. “How sweet,” he chuckled. “I was going to say the same thing. Except I would say I’d think about you while you were at school, at work, doing chores, and spending quality time with your friends.” He grew serious. “Do you think you spend more time with me than with living people? I don’t want to take you away from them altogether, Erin.”
“No, it’s fine, Su.” I cuddled against him, loving his soft skin. His aroma was familiar: the smell of the apartment was all over Junsu. A hint of cinnamon…a sprig of Sea Island cotton…a dash of lemon…some vanilla extract…from all the times I had cooked or baked with Yoochun. Junsu reminded me of home. “I like spending time with you, Junsu. You make me feel safe.”
“That’s not saying a lot,” he pointed out. “A lock on a door can make you feel safe.”
“But you’re so…protective of me,” I sighed, rubbing my cheek affectionately against his shoulder, where my head was wedged between his arm and neck. “I don’t have to be scared at night, thinking about a stranger coming to rape me or something…” I regretted saying the words the minute they left my mouth. He went stiff; I looked up to make sure I hadn’t ruined the good mood. He let go of me. “No, wait…”
He headed to the waterfall, sitting on the mossy rocks in the cave. He didn’t look up when I sat beside him, trying to fix the problem. “I don’t like thinking about my human life,” he muttered softly, tracing out a pattern on the green algae. “It makes me sad. I didn’t have much of a life to begin with. My parents were neither rich nor poor, but I still had some money issues. Yoochun was my only friend. I loved soccer, but I was too scrawny or too weak to play for my school. Life sucks, then you die,” he quoted.
“That’s not true!” I said reproachfully, lightly hitting his arm. “Life is like a box of chocolates,” I quoted with a huff. “You never know what you’re gonna get.”
“Erin…I think you’re a bigger dork than me,” he started laughing.
“Leave my dorkiness alone!” I crossed my arms, pouting.
Still laughing, he bent his head to kiss the frown away. His lips pressed gently once, twice, three times. Finally, he parted his lips and sucked rhythmically on my bottom one. I was close to hyperventilating, but instead I scooted closer and allowed him to take control for once. His hands were soothing against my cheek, brushing the water away from my face. His mouth moved onto my neck, sucking softly on the sensitive skin there. My hands traveled across his face, over his dimples, coming to rest on his chest.
Thump, thump. Thump, thump. Thump, thump.
His heartbeat. I could feel his heartbeat. Or what I imagined to be his heartbeat.
A thumping I longed to feel.
Greedily, I kissed his chest, watching his muscles tense up. My ear pressed against his chest, listening to the beat it was steadily pounding out. Junsu squeaked in surprise; I guess he never realized he had a heart in the dream world. I wonder how long it had been since he last heard one…I felt his lips skim my hair. “Do you like that?” It was a genuine question, not something an old pervert would ask.
“Furui eiga no you na koi ga dekitara ii na
Sou itte terete wa warau kimi
Itsumo no boku to kitara shabette bakari dakedo
Sou, demo ne kon'ya wa tokubetsu sa…”
A song played in the background, five distinct voices weaving a beautiful melody. “More than you know,” I whispered.
Where had I heard those voices before?
The thought quickly left my mind.
The moss was soft as a blanket as he leaned me back on it, his mouth moving against mine. Junsu was getting very brave today; his tongue glided along my bottom lip before shyly entering my mouth. That taste! I moaned and flung my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. I noticed the lights behind my eyelids dimming and opened my eyes. Over his bare shoulder, the sun had set in the dream world. That had never happened before. Small lights hovered everywhere: fireflies blinking in the night. We were hardly paying attention to our surroundings. A strange and wonderful fire had consumed us.
“Oh why... kokoro wa mata karamawari kanjite
My heart, mind and soul
Oh why... sonna ni sunda hitomi de boku wo miru no?
Nani mo ienaku naru yo…”
I lifted my upper torso off the ground, letting his arms wrap around my body. He leaned me back again, and his hand came up to cup my breast through my bra. The blush on his face was adorable. “I’ve never done this before,” he confessed quietly, but his hand remained on my chest. “Tell me if I’m doing alright.” He slid it up, caressing my neck. It moved to my back, and pity overtook me as he fumbled blindly. I drew his hands forward, down to the small piece of plastic that hooked my bra together. “They’re in the front now?” he mouthed to the side. My fingers helped him undo the clasp, letting it fall to the sides. His eyes riveted onto my face, the blush stronger than before. “Can I touch you?” he asked.
“Do you want to?” I answered with a question of my own.
“Mm…mm-hmm.” He nodded vigorously.
“Then touch me,” I whispered seductively. I didn’t think someone’s eyes could get so dark. He leaned over me, lowering his body between my legs coated with water droplets. I gasped inaudibly as his mouth left kisses all along my skin. He was carefully controlling himself, I could sense it in the way he held me, my head pillowed against his shoulder. His fingers drew circles, getting closer to the rosy pink nipple in the center. I shivered from the coolness of his hand, but he seemed to be getting warmer elsewhere…
“Furui eiga no you na serifu wa ienai kedo
Sou, demo ne kon'ya wa tokubetsu sa?”
I looked down, taking notice of the cute little tent that had formed in his boxers. Now I was blushing. Shakily, my hand went down to gently squeeze it from the outside. A violent tremor ran through him. “Are you okay?” I asked, lifting my hand up. He didn’t say anything, but his mouth closed around my taut bud. I cried out. “Mm…!” My hand grabbed at the hem of his shorts and tugged on them. As they went down his slim legs, my panties followed in their wake. Now we were both naked in front of each other for the first time. All the other times, when I was bathing, did not count; he had covered his eyes then. Now there was no chance of him doing that. He wanted to commit me to memory, by the look of things.
“Oh why... kotoba wa mata toomawari todokete
My true love to you
Oh why... sonna ni nureta hitomi de boku wo miru no?
Nani wo omotte iru no…”
Both of us became very busy after all the clothing had been shed. Nature took over where my knowledge ended. Jaejoong had taken control of the “situation” last time; I was evidently clueless as to what I was supposed to do. Since I was a little incompetent, he became the dominant force. His mouth went everywhere: my stomach, my arms, my chest, my back, my shoulders, my face (of course; that’s where my mouth was), my legs. For a little while, he put his fingers inside of me, and small shocks went from my toes to my head. I was unconsciously moving my hips in time with his hand. His tongue replaced his fingers, and I arched my back, loving the way he made me feel.
“Junsu…ah…that feels…so good…” I managed to rasp out.
“Mm.” He didn’t want to speak at that particular moment.
“Do that again…ah!”
“Mm.”
“Please, don’t stop…don’t stop…ah…ah…ah…”
“Stop making noises,” he begged, a flush going over his face. “It makes me self-conscious.”
Makes him self-conscious?! I’m the one making them in the first place!
“Come here.” I wanted to pleasure him, too. I didn’t want to receive and give nothing in return. I sat up, rolling him onto his back. My hands explored every little crevice in his body. I poked his nose. “My cute, adorable Junsu.” I paused. “My oppa.” He smiled up at me. I loved slipping in some random Korean words to him sometimes. I bent over, writing his name on his stomach. He grabbed my hand as it ventured lower.
“Donna koi mo owari ga kuru to iu kedo
Futari no kizuna wa kono mama kienai
Don't ask me why
(Don't ask me why?) Why? (Why?) Why? (Why?) Why?
“Oh why... kokoro wa mata karamawari kanjite
My heart, mind and soul
Oh why... kon'ya wa boku ga mahou wo kakete ageru…”
“You don’t have to,” he stuttered, firmly grasping it. I tugged my arm out of his grip and touched him…there anyway. He stopped complaining and rested his head on the yielding green carpet, moaning with every touch. When I took him in my mouth (something Jae had failed to let me do) he nearly bucked in surprise. He calmed down, though, and continued with the moaning, and they gradually grew louder. As the heat in the small grotto became nearly unbearable, Junsu managed to roll back on top of me, kissing me zealously. I was aware of something long and rigid poking at my entrance, and I welcomed his intrusion. Junsu let out a long, contented sigh.
“Kimi ga hitotsu mabataku tabi ni
Boku wa hitotsu
Negai wo kanaete yuku yo
Kagayaku (futari no) Heart, mind and soul…”
Our bodies moved as one, thrusting into each other. He was built for me, to be inside me. Jaejoong had been a pleasant experience…but being with Junsu was like second nature for me. We just…clicked. How we would feel when I woke up, I cared not. All I cared about was the bubbling warmth building up inside of me, threatening to spill over. Well, it spilled, all right. For a few seconds, I couldn’t see much of anything. Everything had gone white as I cried out for a long time. Junsu wasn’t too far behind me. He gave one final push inside me, and dropped his head on my shoulder. A few minutes passed, allowing us to catch our breath. It took me a second to realize he was staring at me in concern. I touched my face.
Wetness was splashed across my cheeks. “Why are you crying?” he asked anxiously. “Was I bad?”
“No.” I shook my head, feeling rather stuffy. I must have been crying for a long time. “That was…it was…nothing was wrong. Everything was so right, Junsu.” I made eye contact with him. “But…” I couldn’t believe myself. Not even a full minute had passed since the making love part of the night, and I was bawling. “It’s not real!” I sobbed. “None of it’s real!” He held me close, trying to soothe me.
“E, E…stop crying, baby. You’ll make your eyes all red. That’s it,” he added when my sobs subsided a bit. I hiccupped once, and he rubbed my back. “I don’t like seeing you cry. You cried the whole first week you were at the apartment, and it hurt me. Why are you crying?” He laughed. “This isn’t a sad moment, it’s a happy one! You and I are finally together, together! You’re supposed to be happy!”
I felt a slight tugging on my body that wasn’t the handsome boy beside me. “No!” I screamed, crushing myself to him. “Not yet!”
Junsu recognized the sign. “Your mind’s telling you to wake up,” he guessed dully.
“NO! I DON’T WANT TO GO! EVER!”
I woke up in bed, my arms stretched out to the ceiling. Outside, the bloated moon shone through the curtains. My scantily clad body had a layer of sweat on it, making me uncomfortable. My hands stayed in the air as I looked around in confusion. Junsu was by my side in an instant, teardrops cascading down his face. I started crying for the second time that night, and the pain was agonizing. I rolled onto my side and cried myself to sleep again. But I didn’t go to the dream world with Junsu. I slept a dreamless night. It was the most painful experience I had gone through.
Now I knew. Now I knew why people never got into relationships with ghosts. It was impossible to keep them.
One day…you would start wishing you were dead so you could be with them, too.
O.O.O.O
The sun glinting on my eyelids woke me up the second time. Yoochun sat on the small window sill, peeling an orange. He looked up when I groaned. “Good. You’re awake. Changmin called. He wanted to make sure you were fine. He was really worried about you. Jaejoong and Yunho kept sending text messages. I had to possess the phones for a little while and assure them you were safe and sound, asleep in your bed.”
I blinked a few times. “You can possess things?”
“Junsu would never do it, Erin.”
“It was just a thought.”
“He’d never do it,” he repeated determinedly.
“Whatever.” I rolled back over, staring at the ceiling. “Did he tell you?”
“He doesn’t have to tell me. I already know.” He went to the living room, juggling the peel and the orange. I slowly sat up, already wanting nighttime to be there. I needed some coffee really bad, and perhaps a hot bath would cheer me up a little. I didn’t need it after I saw the opposite wall, where my painting hung. Scratch that. Where my painting USED TO hang.
In its stead was a large, wall-to-wall mural of the meadow, the flowers, the waterfall, and the lake…on one half. On the other half was the same scene at night. Stars sprinkled the sky, the crescent moon was exactly like the one I had seen outside the cave last night. Small dots represented the fireflies I’d seen as well. Steam rose from the waterfall. A deer was bending over to drink from the lake waters. I gaped at it for a second, completely flabbergasted.
Then I stormed into the living room, not giving a damn about my attire. “You were there, weren’t you?!”
Yoochun turned his head slightly, still half-focused on a second orange. “Hmm?”
“You! You were there the time the waterfall was added! You knew about the painting being added on to before I said anything. You must have been there last night!” I wanted to blush, but I was so angry. How dare he disrespect our privacy! “You saw everything! How can you stand there and deny you know anything, when in fact you do?! How could you? Without asking me…?” I cracked on that last sentence. “That is our special place, Yoochun! OURS! NOT YOURS!” I stomped my feet in frustration. “You are not allowed there!”
“It wasn’t me,” he said calmly, sounding like a parent explaining to a screaming child that the grass is, in fact, green.
“THEN WHO WAS IT? JAE?!”
“Jaejoong does not have that kind of an artistic skill. He can paint, but not like that.”
“WHO, YOOCHUN?!”
“I made a promise, and I intend to keep it.”
“You are the most infuriating, bigheaded, moronic ghost I have ever had the misfortune to meet!” Missing the hurt look on his face, I marched back into the bedroom and sat down on the bed, glaring out the window. I looked up at the cheery, blue sky. “Are you happy?!” I yelled at no one in particular. “You ruined a perfectly good night! I hope you know what you’re doing, because if you’re looking for a fight, you’re going to LOSE!” I screamed out the last word.
“Erin…?” Junsu walked out of the bathroom, his face blank.
“Go away,” I mumbled, reaching for the tissues. I could feel the waterworks starting. Again.
Junsu went silent. “Okay,” he said, faking a smile. “Call me when you need me.”
“I need you.” I slumped forward, wailing. How long would this continue for? How long would the pain continue to whip me back and forth? How long before I snapped? How long? How long? “I need you all the time to hold me here in place.” The chill of his touch swept through me, and I can’t say I cared. All I wanted was for him to touch me the way he had touched me last night…in real life. The painting added to the mix was even more confusing and hurtful. I remembered Yoochun’s expression and cried harder. I would have to make it up to him somehow.
When I thought all was going to hell for me…a miracle happened.
I graduated from high school in one piece.