| Fan Fiction |
by Moon Mistress
Title: 5/5
The title suits your story perfectly. It fits the idea of Gui Gui's illusion of her life. Plus, it's not a common title, as far as I know.
Forewords: 10/10
You didn't give away to much information about the story. It's just enough. At first, I honestly have no idea of what your story would be about. But after I read it, the forewords make perfect sense! This is how a forewords suppose to be like, so nice job!
Plot: 18/20
The plot is great! It's not a typical love story. When I found out that their marriage isn't base on love but rather on each other's benefits and there's a hint of "love can be nurtured", I thought that they would get together in the end, somehow. Turned out, it's not like that. Although you did mention a sad ending, I still hoped for something happy. The ending did make me sad ...for a few minutes, but overall, it's what makes your story stands out. Leave the readers an impression afterward is always important, even if it's just a few minutes!
You described the characters' feelings and personalities well. Although the story focused more on Gui Gui's point of view, I still got a good picture of Aaron. In the end, when Gui Gui called him and figured out what he was doing, her disappointment and sadness really stood out to the readers. As I said before, it really made me sad. You made Aaron looked like a bad guy in here, which doesn't happen often since we're always see him as someone perfect - Charming Prince. You completely twisted, or should I say, destroyed, this image! It doesn't really matter as long as the characters fit in your storyline. Sometimes, a little twist here and there won't hurt.
I took a few points of because this whole storyline isn't that creative. A marriage based on benefits instead of true love leads to an unhappy life. Does this sound familiar to anyone?
Originality: 6/10
This story isn't really original since the storyline is rather a common issue. Maybe a little twist in the end?
Style of your writing: 15/15
Nothing to comment here. Your writing's style is just perfect. It's what makes your story so special and unique although the storyline isn't that all original!
Spelling, Grammar, and Punctuation: 15/15
I found no evidence against you in this criteria!
Descriptions and Word Choice: 10/10
The descriptions are well-written.Your vocabulary is great and you know how to use it in the story.
These are my favorites: "The chances of a happy marriage would drastically decrease if either one of the party gives just one percent less. What about our couple here? Were they doing all that was needed to ensure a happy marriage? Wasn’t there a saying, you reap what you sow? But alas, all the books blinded them of the real and vital knowledge of life."
Appearance (Poster and Background): 2/10
You don't have a poster/background. They said "Don't judge the book by it's cover", but we still do anyway. You really need something visually attract in your story.
Creativity and Bonus: 3/5
Bonus points for such an excellent storytelling skill! I really enjoyed reading this story! Keep up the good work!
Total: 84/100
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Heehee, got my review from Sweetcherry. :D
Do request for a review at Timeless Memorials, okay? It's okay if you don't get it done by me.
Quite satisfied about the review, I mean I am a VERY boring person but then I got to say that I couldn't do anything about poster. I mean anyone who reads this can see that the picture of Guigui should be quite sad. But then again, anyone who knows who Guigui is knows that it is pracically impossible to find a sad picture of her. So to save my poster girl, luv_aaron from pulling out all her hair, I decided to make a Hebe version.
Oh anyways, to all who haven't noticed, I changed my name to the Moon Mistress. :D
Oh and I actually wanted to ask if I should consider posting more essays on Winglin, but then majority would not be on love stories I think. I mean who writes love stories for ALL their essays? However, if I DO post them, I have just one request, can you all tell me how to improve so that I can write a revised and edited version?
Yups, and to end it off, I've got a confession to make. I made this in mind to actually motivate Bebu and although I really hope not, I believe a part of me wanted Guilun to be a little... discouraged? Oh gosh, I feel like a great sinner now. I guess maybe all that bad thoughts prevented me from getting more comments. So I guess I will understand if everyone stops commenting.
Sorry. D:
Moon Mistress