Vanity (One-shot) Completed
by Moon Mistress
Chapter 5
Review by by Ruwee @ Withering Memories
Title: 4/5
[Vanity] Overall, I do think your title kind of lacks something. Anyway, Hebe wasn’t really vain as to get a husband or anything, in the very fact; she was obsessed with her academic knowledge, but wait! I kind of think that what I just said was wrong. I do think that Hebe’s illusion of her dream life blinded her to the truth.
Forewords: 11/15
Your Forewords a little too short, but enough for suspense if it’s concerning a one-shot, but I noticed something wrong:
“Everyone ONES to succeed in life.”
and the next two lines after that. Isn’t it supposed to be WANTS? But aside from that, I’m still kind of blurred with what you have to offer regarding your Forewords. Maybe you should include an excerpt, a one-liner or something that will keep your readers anticipating for your 1st chapter update.
Plot: 13/15
It isn’t my first time reading a story about a marriage without love, but it’s a good thing you used BeBu. I read from your couple of author’s notes that you were planning to use GuiLun, haha. That, I think, though, wouldn’t fit the story, (well, for my opinion, anyway) but it’s your decision anyway, so I won’t interfere. But really, it’s all good that you made use of BeBu in this story and you kind of left the ending too, to keep the readers guessing of whatever may happen next.
Originality: 6/10
As I’ve said, this isn’t my first time reading a story without love, but the ending is very likely. Maybe you should have added some little twist?
Style of Writing: 15/15
I liked your style of writing the most, because you use very intricate words that go well with the story. You didn’t fail in impressing me of how you describe, and makes paragraphs, haha, so all’s good in this category.
Spelling, Grammar, Punctuation � 13/15
A bit of wrong tenses used in this area. Plus, that one from your Forewords that is very likely.
Descriptiveness: 9/10
Just like what I said up there, I really liked how you described the mood of the story very vividly. I like your wide use of words too and the flow that went smoothly throughout your story.
Overall Appearance: 10/10
Your poster and background really fits the mood. I don’t find anything wrong in here.
Creativity/Bonus: 5/5
You did reply to your readers, and the poster’s for the win!
Total: 86/100 ***********************************************************
Oh gosh! I can't believe that I made such a silly mistake. Gosh, I will change it immediately. Hmmmm, but I guess that I am glad that someone at least spotted some mistakes for me to change... But once again... I feel so VERY temepted to do a sequel but I am SO worried that it would be boring... Additionally, I have another one-shot which I don't know if I should post... I mean the whole thing is SO weird... Readers out there, just say "Hi" or something, please?
Moon Mistress