| Fan Fiction |
by BoBoLi0us
Title: 5/5
It definately fit, but I don't think it stands out that much. Wouldn't have been able to pick it out in the winglin update list T.T
Poster/ Background: 5/5
I think the black and white really stands out, and then green Taec in the back XD but everything matches well :) two thumbs up
Forewards: 10/10
The forewards definately pulls you in and makes you want to read more of your story. You leave it with a slight cliffhanger, making the reader wonder what her response is going to be, which was really good. Also, you listed the characters and type of story and all of that, which was a bonus. AND you even placed the characters in realistic environments... like Jay's hometown :)
Creativity/ Originality: 13/15
I thought the concept was very creative and or original :P Writing a song for the one you love, not so much, but writing a song for the one you love, and she has no CLUE that you love her... very nice :) also loved the twist for Jay going into JYP. Love how he did it just for the girl, when she really had no idea who he was.
Plot: 15/20
The overall story was pretty predicatble, but I don't think it was meant to have a weirdo twist at the end that no one was expecting. I love how you ended it with her blog post. My only suggestion is that you could have focused on Taec a little bit more throughout the story, even though It was just supposed to be about Jay and the girl. He still had a minor roll, but really almost nothing was said about him except for he was the boyfriend of her, he broke her heart, and Jay tried not to look at him when he was done with his piece.
Grammar/ Vocab/ Spelling/ Punctuation: 10/15
*I'm not saying that this is the only way that you can write, that you HAVE to make these adjustments... but I've gotten spazzed on before for picking things out and fixing them, so if it offends you... too bad, no offense XD*
He hated music, so why is he doing this? (forewards)
He hates music, so why is he doing this? OR He hated music, why was he doing this? but both tenses can't be in the same compound sentence.
He was a rough guy who roughs his way through life. (forewards)
He was a rough guy who roughed his way through life. OR He is a rough guy who roughs his way through life. Once again, the tenses can't be together.
pure sickening. (forewards)
purely
The only thing he noticed was the grace she puts into the clean moves of the dance.
put
It was then he really noticed her.
It was then that he really noticed her.
He even went to the extend (forewards)
extent
He felt like a stalker researching on his next pray,
It should be prey, instead of pray like in church or something.
Sh e showed him a thumb up and looked around them.
It makes more sense as thumbs, but I think that thumb works too ><
when he writes plays the song he wrote and composed himself for a girl.’
when he writes, plays the song he wrote and composed himself for a girl.'
Taec shook her head and slipped the phone back into his pocket.
his
he would tell me he was busy and will call me back
and would call me back
How could I saw this when I heard he wasn’t even busy?’
I don't know what that is supposed to be... but it isn't right T.T
send me that rose on my fourteenth valentines day in this world
sent me that rose
But I realized everything have to have an end for it.’
has to have
onto the mike stand
mic
She said the most romantic thing a man could do for her is to play the piano for her, even thought the
though
But what he didn’t know was whether he had heard her or not.
I think it should be whether she had heard him or not.
Writing Style: 10/10
I love it :) It's easy to read and understand, and I was able to read through the story quickly because of that. The little details you put in don't get annoying, and they really add to the effect of the story.
Overall enjoyment: 18/20
I really didn't get bored with this story that much :P and I have a very short attention span. The lyrics made sense to the story, but I can't really picture someone singing them, you know? I just find that hard to sing and put to a piano piece. But besides that I found it amazing. That they all made it into JYP, and your reason for Jay going into the entertainment :P I loved that.
Total: 86/100
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its either i made a really stupid mistake of requestin from the same person -eventhosherawks- 2ce, or its given to the same person O.O
But nonetheless, thank you!