Fan Fiction

This Song *Oneshot *Completed*

by BoBoLi0us

Chapter 7

Review from Deja-Vu

Title: This Song
Author: Boboli0us
Link: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/BEEZYOO4/
Status: Completed ; One-Shot
Reviewer: Lyselmae Atienza – Latienza @ DejaVu501

*NOTE* Do not be insulted by the comments that I, the reviewer, make. I am here to help the author and not criticize the author. I have nothing against the writer and/or vice versa. I am a STRICT reviewer, so please do expect reasonable grades.– Latienza


Title: 3/5
I liked the title. It was simple, relevant, and captivating. What I need for you to improve on is the actual connection of the story to the title. Sometimes, the connection was there, in other times, it wasn’t. This is one of the things, the other is making sure you choose the title based on the presence it has in the story. I’m not saying you’re lacking this, I’m just saying that you could improve and make it better, right?

Poster and Background: 8/10
The poster was good, although I couldn’t see Taec in the background. It was also kind of out of the picture since he was wearing green and the rest were just black & white. But I like it, nonetheless.

Forewords: 8/10
I liked your forewords. For a one-shot, it is well detailed without giving away too much of the story. What I suggest is for you to add a bit about the characters personality, about yourself, and communication with the reader. Besides that, everything is I tact.

Plot: 14/15
For a one-shot, the plot was very unique. I liked all the detailing you added. You managed to bring out the best in the story.

Creativity/Originality: 12/15
The story itself was original. Concerning your creativity, you managed to add portions of your OWN ideas into the story which is great.

Flow: 8/10
The flow was alright. I think it went a bit fast. Not TOO fast, but a BIT fast. I wanted to read more into it, as a one-shot. Be sure to compare it as to pretending it’s in real life.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
Your spelling was the only problem you had. In some cases, you had spelling mistakes that were not really obvious, but you did. For example, when you write ‘I’ you sometimes forget to capitalize it. Be sure to re-read out loud, and edit.

Characterization: 8/10
I have no problems with your characterization because it was simply the author’s precision of characters. The point where I want you to focus at is portraying the personalities of the characters more thoroughly. I think that you get a bit too overwhelmed with your characters that you forget to show what the character’s real personalities are.

Writing Style: 8/10
Your writing style was good and well organized. It was easy to read. Just remember to continue this, okay?

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I liked the one-shot. Continue to write! :)

Sub Total: 80/100

Bonus: 3/5
Sorry for the wait :S

Total: 83/100

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Thank you!