| Fan Fiction |
by th1rd3ye
1. Appearance (Poster, BG, font etc.): 8 /10. -Well black is a mysterious colour, and the combination of black and white really suited your storyline a lot. The background added to the effect, and it really was a beautiful background, which might have just been Black Moon. The appearance of your fanfic helped me loose myself in the story and it certainly was beautiful, but the poster took away from the complete effect. I'm not saying it totally sucks, but it's kind of unrelatable.
2. Title: 5/5. -You did a great job with the title. It's different. It definitely would attract some attention, and the most important thing of all, it matches the story. So great job!
3. Forewords (Introduction): 7/10. -You did a very good job describing the story, it really got me interested and I wanted to read more. But with your story type, it would be better if you wrote a brief about the characters too. Like what are they're powers, what their attitude towards life is, and how they perceive the elders and each other.
4. Characters (Description):6/10. -I think you should really sit down and think about your characters a little more. You're so into the storyline that you just forgot about the characters. You don't have to tell me what they're wearing or what they love to eat, and stuff. But it would be nice to get to know they're personalities some more. How they're feeling. But I like how they act according to their powers.
5. Creativity (The Plot):13/15. -I don't have to tell you that this plot is completely different from the rest. At least I haven't come across such stories yet. And the plot really does seem very interesting. I can’t wait to read next chapter. But I repeat you really need to elaborate a bit more on the personalities of the characters. And provide a few reasons here and there, like why would the six elders create such horrible rules. And please use the names of the characters a little more instead of just using he's and she's because it really gets confusing sometimes. Here's an example:
6. Writing Style: 10/15. -Your writing was pretty good, but a few more details would make it great!
7. Flow: 15/15. -The flow of the story was amazing. It was relaxed and comfortable. I really loved reading the story and couldn't wait to read the next chapter when one was done. [So imagine my disappointment when the ninth chapter was done.]
8. Spelling/Grammar: 8 /10. -Stories are always supposed to be written in past tense, which you did but there were a few parts written in the wrong tense. So please watch out for that. There were barely any spelling mistakes. And a few grammar mistakes which you repeated throughout the fanfic. I would like to point them out so that you can avoid them in the future. The Black Moon had been once the paradise of all lovers-The Black Moon had once been the paradise of all lovers.
The goddess who created the Black Moon-The Goddess or the Gods.
From now, only hatred, revenge and loneliness shall exist on this planet which I create-From now on, only hatred, revenge and loneliness shall exist on the planet which I created.
Not only had the man failed in his attempt, the four babies are flying-Not only had the man failed in his attempt, but the four babies were flying.
None of them is good-None of them were good.
He had clean forgotten that love was forbidden on the Black Moon-He had completely forgotten that love was forbidden on the Black Moon.
You will be the one who do It.-you will be the one who does it.
After all, I guess you should have been used to killing people, don抰 you?-Shouldn't you?-If you used should in the sentence then the question tag should be 'shouldn’t’. If you've used do in the sentence then the tag can be 'don't'
He then briefly explained about the foursome and their mission.-He then briefly explained about the four of them and their mission.
She has always comes to a conclusion that the dream depicts the truth but what truth?-She came to a conclusion that her dreams depict the truth, but what was the truth?
Oh and please make sure that you spell Goddess with a capital 'G'.
9. Overall Story/Enjoyment: 8/10. -I really enjoyed this fanfic, and will definitely continue reading it. But I can’t stress this enough. Please put in more details. Because the lack of details in a story can really bore a reader. I hope I didn't offend you in any way. I'm really sorry if I did. Please keep up the good work.
Total: 80/100