| Fan Fiction |
by th1rd3ye
freewebs.com/heavenlysecrets
Title 5/5: Love the title, it really goes with the story. If you think about it more, it means that it's the destiny of Black Moon and Ron, Leila, Michelle, and Raymond's.
Poster/Background 7/10: Ok personally, I love the poster but I think the characters weren't blended very well. And the background and the font hurts my eyes.
Forewords 9/10: I love the forewords but it has one little problem, instead of describing the characters' personalities why don't you put it in the forewords instead?? Other than that, I love your forewords. It is very interesting. I love that you described Black Moon. At first I thought that it was talking about a black moon on earth and all that stuff... But it wasn't! It was a planet instead!
Plot 15/15: I love your plot. It is not like any others. I was really surprised when I read that your story is actually about a planet... At first when I heard your title, I thought it was just a cliché story without even thinking about the title's words more. But as I read on in your plot, I figured out that it's not cliché at all.
Creative/Originality 15/15: Very creative and very original!! Like I said on the Plot section, it is not like any others. This story differs from most of the stories on winglin. Full points for making Black Moon a planet, and the 4 characters from different places!
Writing Style 9/10: Your writing style is ok. I hate how you describe the characters' personalities by chapters. Because I think that only slows down your story.
Flow 10/10: The flow was not that fast, not that slow. So that's why I gave you full points. If you hadn't mentioned the Elders giving the characters' a wish, I would've taken 1 or 2 points. Because that would've been kind of draggy if you mentioned it after describing all the main characters' personalities.
Grammer/Spelling/Vocab 9/10: There were minor mistakes in you story. But I had to take one point away because you made an error that was noticeable. In chapter one when you were describing Black Moon, and mentioned the "Goddess" you put "Goddness" instead. That made me think,'Is that supposed to be goodness? Or Goddess?' I'm very sure that it's supposed to be Goddess though.
Characterization 6/10: I don't like how you made Tavia very old in your story. I couldn't Imagine her having white hair! Because personally, I think she is very beautiful. Also, I don't really have much interest in your pairings... I mean I love Ron and Raymond (personally I think they are HOT) but I have no interest in the girls. But when I looked at your poster and saw that it was celebrities from TVB, I was so happy. That's because I have a big TVB fan!!!
Overall Enjoyment 5/5: I enjoyed this story very much because it was like a total mystery!!! And it's so special and unique.
Total: 90/100
Additional Information: Not very sure about the Total score... Lol. I was in a big hurry and so I just added the points in my head. Well anyways, good luck with your story!! Please post this up on your story and tag us at the tagbox to let us know. Thanks!