| Fan Fiction |
by BangBangVIP
Title: 3/5
I liked the title at first but then as I read the story, it sort of didn’t match it. Sure there was a BIT of waiting but he didn’t exactly wait for her. He more or less took the chance to start again. I liked it but it sort of didn’t match up, that’s my opinion really.
Background/Poster: 7 /10
You poster is good but you could of put in more detail. Possibly put your name on it. The picture is good but what really sort of bugged me was the weird arched blue line at the left bottom corner and the placing of the title. Since you didn’t exactly have a background I’m still pointing out the fact it didn’t mess with the writing. Of course it is all black.
Forewords: 7/10
You’ve put in the genre, rating and when you’ve started which is good. Your division is clear and in my view fancy. With the diamonds and its consecutive coloured in and blank pattern it shows where something starts and ends. But, since you have a black background and somewhat dark Poster I advise you to use something like white. It would match the title in many ways. The poems I don’t know how it links but I guess it’s all pretty good. You could of given more information about the characters, even though you based them on their celebrity form, it would be better if you did so everyone will know who’s connected to who. And so on.
Plot:14 /15
You’re plot is actually well planned, I knew what was happening and it wasn’t too fast or too slow. I did get confused for a sec but then re-read and was like “Oh...so that’s what happened”
Creativity/Originality: 12/15
I’ve seen this plot once or twice but you’ve put your own kind of twist in it. Especially since Kira is some kind of egotistic girl who like jumping off balconies and jumping to conclusions.
Flow:9 /10
Not too fast and not to slow, so it didn’t ruin anything you’ve written into the story.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 4/10
Seeing as you have a vast amount of chapters I won’t exactly tell you every single spelling, grammar or vocab mistake you’ve made but will state out what you can use in the future.
Half the time you didn’t finish speech and just continued writing and then starting a new one again.
But it could be rarely seen.
You could use fewer full stops and complete a longer sentence. Just one word would mean you won’t have to use so many full stops.
Other than that... everything is fine.
Characterization:9 /10
The good use of another family member and how she’s actually never seen the rest of 2PM until she herself became famous and the use of extra’s without excessively using them.
Writing Style:9 /10
I got what you were saying, and you didn’t have that many mistakes to ruin your style, and you have a great sense of humour. Yu actually made me laugh once in a while.
Overall enjoyment:4 /5
I liked the plot and everything so it was all good. And I loved the fighting...yeah. I like violent scenes, the make it more intense and cooler.
Sub Total: 78/100
Bonus: 5/5
For requesting from Seasonal Wishes, making me laugh and getting me to actually google up the faces of 2PM just to figure out who was who. I’m still learning LOL!
Thanks for the review!