| Fan Fiction |
by heartsong
It was quiet as I slipped into the house and locked the door behind me.
I still had Chun’s house keys.
He wouldn’t mind me being here – he still treated me as a best friend.
I padded softly into his bedroom. The sheets were rumpled, just like the day I had walked into the room and told him I was going to leave.
I closed my eyes and took deep, still breaths.
Where was he, I wondered – trying his tuxedo on?
I could have been the one to stand in my sister’s place, trying on a gown that I would wear when he made me his.
But that was a thought that could not be entertained.
I shook my head to clear the thoughts. I would not hate my own sister. I would not think these thoughts and risk anger in my blood again, burning paths and scarring my skin in its wake.
When I passed the corkboard that used to be chockfull of our memories, I realised that Chun had pinned pictures of Ariel over the photographs I had taken with him years ago.
It was that easy, I realised, to wipe out a slate and start on a blank one. But it was far more difficult to just pull a screen over a whiteboard, and pretend you had wiped everything clean – started over new.
Maybe I no longer deserved a place in his life now that I had become the wasted person that I was. Maybe only perfect people like Ariel stood to gain a place in his life.
I closed my eyes tightly and heard the lock scrape open.
Pulling deep, calming breaths of air into my lungs, I forced myself to walk out and greet him.
But instead of Chun, Ariel stood in front of me, her gaze hot and accusing.
“You didn’t tell me you were coming back,” she said quietly – calm before the storm.
I shook my head again.
“How come you have his key? I’m his wife.” Her words were sharp and fuelled by jealousy. She glared at me as if I was anyone else but her sister.
Wife? Ariel had changed. She was a bitch now, a bitch who was so much easier to hate – but I still couldn’t. She was still my baby sister.
They weren’t even officially married yet – and she was calling him her husband.
And he had given her his key?
I felt the hollow in my chest grow bigger.
All of a sudden I was tired, and my sorrow was weighing me down a thousand times over. I closed my eyes and lowered my head, before I walked past Ariel, pressing the keys so hard into my palm I thought I would bleed.
I passed her, our shoulders brushing, without ever saying a word.
I walked out of the house and away from heartache, away from such foreign emotions – away from the stranger in that house.
I didn’t know who she was.
---
Hebe had called a few hours ago. She couldn’t make it back to Taipei in time. Her friend – the owner of the bakery she helped at – had had a heart attack. She couldn’t close the bakery like that.
I’d accepted the change of plan without a word.
Was this the week on which everyone, including the Gods, got to pick on me?
Why was it so hard to get by?
I stood in Hebe’s apartment, my belongings arranged neatly everywhere else.
I had not done it, and did not know who had. My father, perhaps. He would have known where I wanted to stay.
I ran a hand through the closet and picked out a dress that was maroon velvet.
It fell like water through my fingers – cool and calm.
Hebe was slimmer than me – could I wear this?
I divested and slipped the dress over my head. It fit like Cinderella’s shoe.
It was just a little lose around the waist and you could barely see my thin legs.
I smiled a little. At least I didn’t look so bad – and I had lost weight.
I was all set for tonight.
Physically, that was. Emotionally?
I still had a lot to gear myself up for.
---
“Ella?”
“Daddy?” I whispered, somewhat shocked. I didn’t think any one would notice that I wasn’t at the ceremony.
“Why aren’t you here?” he questioned, his gruff voice softening when he heard my own voice tremble slightly.
“I – I can’t, daddy.”
“Come for the reception, won’t you?”
“I will,” I swallowed and put down the phone, closing my eyes in utter resignation.
---
I stepped into the ballroom, feeling inadequate and nervous.
How would Ariel react to seeing me?
Especially after what had happened this afternoon?
Before I knew it, my dad had come along and swept me into a dance.
The music was playing and I relaxed into my father’s reassuring embrace, my eyes watering lightly.
He led me into a few dances until I heard an all-too-familiar voice ask if he could steal me away from my father for a moment. I heard my father chuckle and hand me over to the man.
Barely registering what was going on, I lifted my head and saw that my father was now dancing with Ariel.
Ariel? Where could Chun be, then?
When he asked if I was missing him yet, I snapped my head back and stared at the person who held me in his arms, sweeping me across the floor.
I felt me knees grow weak as his grip tightened in support around me.
No, I replied, shaking my head as I lowered my gaze. I could not lie if I was looking at him.
He called my name.
I pulled a deep breath into my lungs to steady myself and looked back up into his face.
Unconsciously, I lifted a hand to caress the side of his jaw.
His gaze softened, and I let my palm lie still on the warmth of his face.
I let a soft, sad smile play on the edges of my lips.
Did Chun ever regret, or think back on how we could have been had he fought for it?
I knew that if my sister saw this, her eyes would be burning with jealousy and rage.
She was his wife, she had said.
His wife.
Well, it was official now.
The thought brought tears to my eyes.
“Ella, Ella,” he soothed, brushing a thumb over my eyes as he brought me closer still, “Don’t cry, my love.”
My love? Wasn’t that Ariel?
Maybe he really was calling me.
My mind was wrapped in a haze of cotton as I let him guide me across the floor.
I pressed my forehead against the cool of his coat as the music swirled around me, a haze of intricate lies and false hopes.
“Ella, that day – in the park – I wanted to say that although it was hard having a best friend around, it was harder trying to live without seeing you. I still love you, Ella,”
I cried then, my lips pulling at the sides and my eyes disappearing beneath the guise of makeup.
“Hush, Ella, don’t cry,”
I drew in a deep shuddering breath and pushed away from him – but he held me firmly, swaying me into the music yet again.
“Why did you marry her?” I whispered, my voice torn at the edges, embellished with sorrow and hurt.
He did not answer me question. But I trusted – maybe he had his reasons.
Maybe, once he got a grip of Ariel, she had turned the tables on him. Maybe it was now too late to try and let go of her. Maybe it wasn’t a case of him letting go, but of him pulling free, instead.
“You’re so thin, Ella – almost emaciated. Have you been starving yourself?”
I didn’t answer his question. I was hungry. I need to eat. I need food – but I needed t purge it after I ate it. Where was the washroom?
“Ella,” he called softly, like wind chimes – like the soft sigh of spring wind.
I breathed in slowly. Every breath now was becoming torturous.
There is a stage in eating disorders where you become anorexic and bulimic all at once. You do not eat, yet you still try to purge.
This was what was happening to me now.
As the room swirled around me, I tried to get a grip on sanity; on reality.
I was wasting away – like smoke, like the thinnest of cigarettes burning in a fire.
I leaned into Chun’s comforting grip. If Ariel hadn’t come yet, then maybe she wouldn’t.
Because of his support on me – and because Chun’s own strength and mine had intertwined so much that they seemed to be one, I was deceived into thinking I still had everything under control.
It was not until Ariel stormed over and pulled me out of Chun’s arms that I finally realised that I had lost my place in his life.
Once, when we were younger, Ariel had told me that when she got married with a man, she wouldn’t even allow his best friend to come into contact with him if that best friend was a girl.
I had grinned at her and patted her on the back, never thinking that one day; she might regard me as that best friend.
Possessing Chun, and all of his love, had taken such a toll on her that she did not even trust her own sister.
As Chun swept across the dance floor the way he had held me, I slinked out of the ballroom, unnoticed.
It was time to go home.
---
----------------------------
Culmination
By: heartsong
Reviewed by: Charray520
Status: 13 Chapters
1. Appearance (Poster, BG, font etc.) : 9/10
I really did like your appearance. With the story being in Ella�s point of view, she�s looking straight forward and with Chun being the male lead, he�s slightly looking forward but to some extent, he is also kind of faced another way. Ariel on the other hand is looking to the side, perfect with the story being nothing really much with her point of views and ideas and thought. Majority of what we know of her is seen through the eyes of either Ella or Chun. I really did love the black, dark, mysterious aura of the appearance. Overall, black is always good to use on most occasions but I found that black, maybe even brown or blue, fitted extremely well with your story. If my eyes haven�t failed me, I�m pretty sure that your font colour is a light kind of grey. Very good choice as it was not in complete utter contrast with your black which could possibly have made it harder to read. This way, the colour is more pleasing and soft on the eyes. I really did like your appearance and I don�t think I can praise you enough in this areas but in every poster, I don�t just look for the people and mood it portrays. I also really do look at what�s on the poster. I would recommend that you have something on your poster the represents your story. Maybe a scene or an object that have once appeared in your story that may have been quite significant. In that case it would relate more thoroughly with your story and readers would feel that the poster is made for your story. Not just a picture with the title and cast. Not necessary but a quote would also be nice.
2. Title: 5/5
Your title was, at least for me, pretty much flawless. I loved your title and I felt that it matched entirely with your story. The word culmination has a mysterious, dark feeling to itself and the meaning of the word really does match your story. It�s the final and the end for Ella and Chun�s relationship, the end of Chun belonging to Ella and in saying that it�s also the peak of their relationship. From beginning to now they�ve always been just friend despite Ella loving Chun but this is when things have changed.
3. Forewords (Introduction): 8/10
Truthfully, this is yet another section which I thought you did really well in. I really enjoyed the forwards and you did what you were supposed. In forwards, the main aim is to try to lure and engage readers in your story so that they would come back to it. People usually leave cliff hangers but you described your story and left it a mystery to how it got to such a state. You had a prologue and all and I found your forwards to be very engaging to read. The length of your prologue was also perfect as it wasn�t too long that it would bore the heck out of readers. If everything was so great then you much be wondering why I deducted two marks. The prime reason or that is because I thought that there was slightly too much information given out. That sounds kind of hypocritical doesn�t it. In one aspect I loved the way you were able to attract readers without using cliff-hangers and all but in another concept, you basically told everyone what was going to happen and the ending. I�m not saying that that�s bad in all cases, just in your one, I think that there could have been a better alternative rather than narrating the basic story and then retelling it in detail. I feel that those are more for� stories with intensively twisty plots. Yours seem more of a story of simplicity. I really did love your forewords but if I could base it only on my liking of your forewords then things would be less� helpful in terms of my review to you. Hope you understand what I�m saying.
4. Characters (Description): 9/10
Truthfully, I thought your characters were quite typical and nothing out of the ordinary. Thus, the deduction of the mark. I thought that it was the pretty common personality. The perfect guy. The beautiful sister. The great main protagonist that is willing to give up her lover for her younger sister. The decisions she makes seems to perfect and flawless. Though, in saying that, I couldn�t allow myself to deduct more than a mere mark because the amount of description and thoughts you had in your characters.
You did a great job at describing their physical appearance that even without the poster, I think I would be able to. have quite a good imagination of how the characters really look. It mightn�t necessarily be exactly what they really look but at least I won�t be thinking up of a character with no physical traits. I won�t be imagining in my mind a typical girl and a typical guy, I would be able, to a certain extent, be able to see them in my mind as the story progresses.
I also did really enjoy all the description of your characters in terms of what they thought and how they felt, both emotionally and physically. You really did a wonderful job on that of Ella and Chun and from the amount of character and description you gave each person, we can really see how much of the story is about it. It was well and equally proportioned and so good job in this area.
I think that I really liked Ella and Ariel. Ella, being the main protagonist, to a certain extent, she felt very realistic to me. Beside some things, she had most of the normal human qualities when faced with some of the things that were happening to her. Her thinking evilly, her hating and loving and basically, all the emotions I would think a person would haven when they�re undergoing such a stage of their life.
5. Creativity (The Plot): 12/15
Like I said earlier, you�re story is somewhat typical. The ordinary deal of unrequited love. As I was reading your story, as a fan, I hoped that Chun loved Ella but as a reviewer, I wanted you to detach from the clich�. I kind of hope that Chun didn�t like Ella in that sort of way. Then as I read on I hoped that Ella was going to be selfish and take Chun away but I was slightly disappointed again seeing the clich� of how the storyline was progressing. In terms if writing you are very enhanced in it and thus you make your story different from the rest and thus this added to the marks of your plot but I�d just have to take marks off for the amount of things that are �typical�. Though since your haven�t yet finished your story, it was only fair that I only took a reasonable amount and not too much since I don�t know how your story would progress. Somewhat, I kind of hope that Ella would turn evil and keep Ariel, the way she is, not exactly perfect but not so evil either.
6. Writing Style: 15/15
I loved your writing style as you really do describe many things to detail. This again, just makes the story more enjoyable to read. You also tend to describer the person�s particular emotion, their particular thought and their actions. You also have a fantastic range of vocabulary which just enhances your writing to another stage as readers don�t get bored with reading the same word repeated over and over again.
I also really loved all your comparisons to different things like the stars and also the rose comparison.
7. Flow: 15/15
In being so descriptive, some people tend to drag their story a little but you didn�t have such problems. You�re descriptions weren�t only appropriate but they were also very interesting to read and it didn�t feel like you were dragging the story at all. Also, I found that your story was quite simple and there were not too many extreme stuff like car crash or deaths or nothing too dramatic which makes it seems more realistic. You had a great flow and everything seems so realistic and everything really did feel like that were happening and that they were fitting into place.
8. Spelling/Grammar: 10/10
I can�t give you more praise here. I don�t think I�ve spotted a spelling or grammar mistake. Maybe I have but it�s probably too minor that I don�t even remember it. Good job in this area.
9. Overall Story/Enjoyment: 9/10
For me� the only reason I took some marks off was because I personally just like more dramatic things. Your story was great and I really enjoyed it a lot. I can�t praise it enough and I read it all in one go. That�s how engaging it was. I hope that my review has been useful to you and congratulations on such a high score. You deserved every mark of it. Hope to see you continuing to update. Also, sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes� didn�t have enough time to re-read over it.
Score: 92/100
To read this story: www.winglin.net/fanfic/Culmination
Thank you Charray of ffaddicts.pwnedjoo.net for this awesome hotsome review(: