| Fan Fiction |
by heartsong
It was around midnight when the reception ended, and after the dance Ariel had almost forced me into, I never did see Ella around.
Right now we were riding in the car back home, to the apartment we had purchased in the midst of all the preparations for the wedding.
The reason being that we – or Ariel, more specifically – had not wanted to be under the same roof as her parents.
She had a death grip on my hand as the rest of her was draped over my torso.
Much as I did not mind having her there, it was getting a little uncomfortable.
I understood that Ariel was my wife, and that she had a right to want to be intimate with me.
But I didn’t feel the same way.
I married her because – because when Ella had left, she’d made it so easy to just push her away. To push her into the back of my mind.
And at the same time, Ariel was becoming more and more possessive of me.
She would check my phone and my calls and demand that I stay over at her house with her for the night.
Ariel was – in a word – obsessed with the control she had gained over me.
The one I really wanted was Ella.
I was confused, at first, I admit.
I used to think I loved Ariel – and that what I had felt for Ella was no more than a love that one felt for one’s best friend.
I was wrong.
I did not love Ariel – I merely felt the obligation to protect her. She seemed so lost at times that I wanted to be the one to protect her – the one to give her safety, and warmth.
But when I’d realised that Ella was the one who had held my heart all along instead, it was too late to let go.
Ariel had become a clingy, insatiable puppy.
She wanted me to spend every waking hour with her.
And when Ella left, she’d only unconsciously pushed me into Ariel’s arms.
I begged her to stay – did I not?
Maybe I didn’t put in enough effort.
The one thing I was very clear of was this: My biggest regret was letting Ella push me away.
---
I shut the door softly behind me as Ariel staked a claim over my mouth, her lips pushing harshly into mine.
Her kiss was demanding, and rough – and thoroughly sensuous.
Or at least it would be, if it was some other man who loved her – instead of me – in her arms.
She managed to pin me onto the bed and was pulling hastily at my buttons when I laid a hand on hers, smiling gently at her.
“Why not you take a bath?”
She smiled in what she hoped was a sexy manner, and proceeded to the bathroom.
Truth to be told, I just wanted to kiss Ella.
How could two sisters kiss so differently?
It was a warped thought to have, but I really did wonder. What if it was just me?
From my back pocket, I drew out a stash of pills prescribed for insomnia and dropped two into Ariel’s champagne glass.
Just enough for her to drop off for the night, anyways.
I looked over at the clock, and it read one in the morning.
When she came out of the bathroom, I told her that I was just going to bathe.
And then I passed the champagne to her.
She finished it in a gulp.
I got into the bathroom and showered.
By the time I came out, Ariel was dead to the world, and off in her own paradise.
I wrote a post-it note stating that I had to be off for work early, and that I was sorry I couldn’t be with her.
I carefully divested her, and drew the covers over her body.
I looked at her through veiled eyes, and saw her as a younger sister – not as the one I loved.
---
It was a quarter to two by the time I reached Hebe’s house.
I knew Ella would stay here. It was the only place she had. Besides, her father had confirmed my thoughts.
I pressed the little knob beside her door and heard the corresponding ring in the apartment.
Moments later, I heard footsteps shuffle to the door.
She must have been tossing and turning in her bed, again.
When the door swung open before me, I called her name.
She looked up at me, shocked written over her face.
“What are you doing here?” she barely managed to whisper, her hand stilling at the door edge.
I stepped in, uninvited.
“Ella,” I breathed, and I knew I was a lost cause.
I knew this was wrong – but what could I do? I was only trying to salvage things.
“What do you want?” she asked again, and I told her.
I cradled her face in my hand, and I felt her lean into my touch the slightest bit. She had always been the more level-headed one between us.
And right now, I understood that she was trying to keep her sanity.
“I’m trying to make things right, Ella,” I whispered.
She shook her head out of my grasp. Had I already lost her?
“Chun, if you had any sense at all, you would be rolling around in the hay with my sister now. You’d be making love and making babies instead of here, looking for a sex outlet.”
I could tell she was hurt, and I didn’t know how to repair that brokenness I felt in her tone.
All the times she’d hung up on me on the phone, I had continued talking into the spaces she’d left behind, pretending it was her.
Was that not enough to prove that I’d missed her?
“You’re not a sex outlet, Ella, I’m trying to make things right – don’t you see?”
She shook her head, and the movement caused her hair to fall over her eyes.
I brushed her bangs up, desperate to see her eyes – to read, instead of her cold answers, some sort of desire.
“Chun, if you were trying to make things right – you wouldn’t be here. You would be trying hard to make my sister happy, and not hurt her. Leave,”
I shook my head, staring at her with an intensity that surprised even me.
“Chun – I don’t know how to put this. If you leave, I’d be the only one getting hurt. Ariel wouldn’t know.”
I could hear her voice shrink as she tried to push me away before we both lost our senses.
“If you stayed, Ariel would get hurt. And I’d feel horrible – I’d be the third party. I would – I would be hurt, too. It’s more damage that will be done, Chun.”
I shook my head again, and gathered all of her into my arms.
She fit like a perfect halve of me that I’d been reaching out for – for so long.
“Chun,” she whispered, and I murmured the words I had been meant to tell Ariel to her.
“We shouldn’t be doing this, really.”
“I’ll be hurt if you push me away now, Ella. Why are you telling me to go when you know I love you – and that you feel the same? I’m trying to make it right, don’t you see? I couldn’t marry you. The only way I could salvage that was to spend my wedding night with you – now here I am. I want this chance, Ella. I didn’t try hard enough the last time. This time I’ll try with everything I have.”
She closed her eyes and melted into my warmth – I could feel it. Her limbs went loose, and her tensed muscles relaxed. She wrapped her arms back around me and I rocked her, suddenly feeling an urge to cry.
I had not felt such overwhelming joy – yet regret – at the same time.
Joy at the fact that Ella was here, with me. Regret at the reality that Ella was not my bride – not my wife. Regret at the reality that I was having an extra-marital affair, and that Ella would be labeled as the third wheel if this came out.
People would look at her with disgust, with hatred in their eyes. They would sympathise with Ariel and say that Ella tore us apart.
But the fact of the matter was that it was your perspective that mattered.
If you saw it from my point of view, Ariel was the one who had come in between.
The fact was that this was a controversial matter, no matter how you looked at it.
I loved Ella, and that was the only constant in this complication.
---
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