| Fan Fiction |
by heartsong
---
Insanity was defined as the way in which people did things that were not normal. Insanity was someone who crawled into a shopping mall on all fours, screaming like a chimpanzee. Insanity was relative.
Insanity could be the way a loving husband would cheat on his perfect wife for a moment of cheap thrill. Insanity could be the way a woman who would never hurt a fly would agree to the affair, because of her heart.
Insanity was also why I was letting him undress me. He did so with the carefulness of a monk who handles the sacred offerings; the reverence of a man who unravels the finest bolt of silk in the world. He treated me like I was a glass figurine he had worshipped all his life.
I must have been insane to be thinking of hurting my sister this way, but I could not seem to take control over my heart. I knew that it was wrong to make excuses for myself, but what else would I say?
I was in the wrong.
I do not deny. But can you say, for sure, that I am to bear the full responsibility?
You cannot, because you know that that is not true.
---
He peels the clothes of me one by one, and looks at me as though I am the most divine artifact he has ever seen.
I let him bury his face into the curve of my neck, even though I know that what I am doing is intentionally sinking deeper into the quicksand of desire.
I sweep my fingers across the broad planes of his back as he seduces me into a fine dance that only we know. He slips a finger into me and I know I am lost.
I have not had any other man, and he will be my first.
I hope it will be the same for him.
All of a sudden I feel his tears on my skin, and I cradle his face in my hands.
I silently ask him what’s wrong; murmuring tenderly into the warmth of his chest as I hold him closer.
He leans over me, staring into my eyes.
His eyes are beautiful – large, brown; doe-like.
I smile softly, a quivering curve on my lips as he presses his forehead to mine.
He tells me, in the strongest tone he can muster, that he loves me. I know, when he says that, that there will no longer be any turning back. I cannot turn back, and I will not, if I am given the chance.
I know he is prepared to pay for his actions as well.
He confesses, in the softest tone ever, that he is guilty because the thought of an affair has crossed his mind more than once. My smile widens – I know it is wrong of him, but he has loved me all along – have you not known?
As he pushes into me, he eases my pain. He tells me that he truly loves me. He tells me that I am his first woman, and that in this single night, he is consummating a marriage with me instead of Ariel.
He tells me that it is symbolic – do I not see that we will be the ones becoming one, becoming inseparable, instead of him and Ariel?
I nod tearfully and pull him to me, pressing my lips, running my tongue over the seam of his lips. I can taste his tears; his agony; his happiness. I think: This is what it means to go through thick and thin together. This is what it truly means to be a couple. You know his emotions by taste – the bitter rage of anger and jealousy, the sour tang of acid bile that comes with hurt and disappointment. There is also the sweet softness of happiness – true happiness that comes only when you are with him. You recognize every single emotion he has, and that binds you together.
And it goes without being said, too; that he, too, can recognize your emotions with a taste, a glance, a brush of the hand.
My last coherent thought as pleasure rises along the fluid, ribbon length of my spine, is that Chun Loves Me, and Me Alone.
---
Somewhere in the dead of the night, when the sky is pitch black and the wind comes in through the curtains that keep us from the prying eyes of fate, Chun stirs awake.
His single movement jolts me awake, too, as if we are linked in spirit and in mind, and in consciousness. I smiled dreamily at him as the cotton wool of sleep numbs my brain.
He runs his fingers over the depressions and dents just below my chest, where my skin has sunken slightly, so that the outline of my ribcage is slightly visible under my pale stomach.
This is what I am proud of.
I see his brows crease in worry as he leans down and brushes his lips over every hollow. I can see it in his eyes: He wants so badly to be able to heal.
I run my fingers through his hair and he looks up at me, his eyes dark with pain.
With some amount of shock, I realise that he feels my pain, too.
Do you feel it; I ask him softly, do you feel how I’ve suffered?
He nods and turns his head against mine so our lips meet roughly.
When he is done he lifts his head and stares at me, his gaze so intense that I can neither look fully, nor break away.
“What’ve you been doing to yourself?” he asks softly, his fingers stroking, erotically tender. I smile faintly and reach for him, but he holds me as though I will break.
“What’ve you been doing to yourself, Ella?” his whisper is fierce, and I can see the dark glimmer of tears in his eyes.
I press a finger to the corner of his eyes, whispering an apology as I explain, “I only wanted to be what you wanted.”
He shakes his head and pulls me closer, his tears dampening the curve of my shoulder, healing the wounds that have so long been open inside of me.
I realise only then that it is too late to untangle us – we are so deeply entwined; we even feel each other.
If you were to try and pick us apart, separate us, both of us would come unraveled, the broken, frayed edges of a torn hem.
---
Before dawn can even approach, he is up, and his single breath stirs me from my sleep.
Blearily, I look at him and ask him where he is going.
He sits back down beside me, drawing me into his arms.
Softly, I ask him why he is leaving so soon.
He tells me this: He has to get back to house before anyone suspects anything.
I nod softly, and I think he notices my reluctance to let him go. I think he knows, too, that I have realised the price that comes with being the mistress – nothing you ever do can be in the open.
He pulls me to him and runs a hand smoothly down my back.
I think I shouldn’t be letting him smooth talk his way out of this situation, but I trust him. I love him. And He loves me, too.
He tells me so, and I send him to the door.
As he leaves, he constantly looks back. I smiled reassuringly although I know this will hurt me more than I can ever fathom.
If only he had fought for Us when there was still a chance, I muse quietly.
But now I will have to make do.
---
That was a year ago.
When Chun…left, that day, he took a part of me along with him. And in exchange he left a part of him with me. I like to think of it this way: we’ve entwined ourselves so tightly together that the core of our existence has become one. And when you come down to it, I have half, and he has half. There’s no telling which half we have – or whether I have his half, and he has my half – because it’s all jumbled and mixed up, fully and completely reacted, like a chemical compound.
There’s no separating us, either.
---
Ariel stretched tensely, blinking at the morning sun that had come in through the window. Beside her, Chun was sleeping.
He was undressed.
Ariel smiled fully. It wasn’t the first time she had done it, but he couldn’t possibly have been a virgin, either.
She figured she was so knocked out she probably didn’t remember whatever had happened.
When she stirred against Chun and moved so that she was on top of him, Chun opened his eyes drowsily.
“Hi,” she greeted, hoping that her voice sound sexy, “How was last night? Was it good?”
Chun blushed, and nodded – thinking of Ella all the time.
Ariel chuckled a little as she crawled off him.
“I’m not a virgin – did you realise that? Are you a virgin? I mean, were you? Like, before we –” she gesticulated, blushing wildly.
“Uh.”
Chun shook his head. He’s lost his virginity to Ella, so technically he wasn’t a virgin anymore, and – and he hadn’t even bedded Ariel.
But she didn’t need to know that.
Ariel lifted her brows primly, crawling towards him in a suggestive manner.
“Why, are you thinking of having that again already?”
Chun gulped and scooted off the bed, hastily grabbing his clothes.
“I have to go to work,” he murmured, before leaving a disappointed Ariel crouching on the bed.
---
I am thinking that since the update is doubled, the comment lengths need to be doubled too? XDDDDDDDDDD
Sorry for making you guys wait so long, think of the double as an apology. K? I'm really bogged down with school (There's a major exam this year, bah!) and all. I hope these updates were worth the wait! Now to post the review too!
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Review from miss lovie of ambiguous abyss (Ambiguousabyss.blogspot.com) You rock darling!
Title: Culmination
Url: www.winglin.net/fanfic/Culmination
Author: heartsong
Reviewer: miss lovie @ ambiguousabyss.blogspot.com
DISCLAIMER: Review given by the reviewer might be harsh, but no insults or disparaging comments intended.
Title: 8.5/10
Yes, I like this. It is short, yet it is capable of capturing of my attention. Moreover, this is quite rarely seen as a one-word title. So, good job.
Forewords: 6.5/10
You would have gotten 7 or 7.5 if you shorten this. I can sense that you’re trying really hard to keep the readers in suspense, and you did, but you soon lost it, as soon as you added in a few paragraphs. Do not brief your readers too much on the story. Leave it short and simple.
Sample:
Things actually started with just the two of us, back then when he was still mine, for keeps. We’d never thought of ourselves as one without the other, but I guess things could change.
They did change, that one night when he came over for dinner.
They changed drastically.
----
“Hey Elle, it’s, uh, getting dark out.”
I laughed at him, staring into his brown eyes lazily as I remained in my position under the tree, my head on his lap, my heart in my ears, thumping as loud as the day I was first born. This was my best friend, Chun Wu, and I never intended to let him go, not ever.
“So?” I shot back cheekily, hoping he’d have the reaction I desired.
“How about, uh, I send you home?” he asked. Almost blushing; his eyes widened when he caught my expression.
I smiled at him and got to my feet, “Come over for dinner then, it’s been awhile since you last did so.”
Leave things hanging in the mid-air. This would be more effective instead of foreshadowing your readers that her sister would be the third party because you drop a bombshell on them and lead them straight to the climax.
Poster & Background: 9/10
Great poster! I love it! the effects and all are great, but I feel that it would be much better if you add some quotes, preferably emotional ones, to really evoke those emotions intended in your readers.
Characters: 4/5
Yes, I love your characterisation. You have really shaped the protagonists well through their thoughts and feelings. Keep it up.
Creativity & Originality: 8/20
Like what you have said, this is overly-used. I hope you’re not looking forward to a high score for this criterion. But, just to add on, I would like to say I was relieved that the so-called third party isn’t her best friend. Plots with male best friend falling in love with female best friend are totally unforgivable. I would have deducted a few points for that if you have used that.
Story plotting & Organisation: 9/15
The flow of the story is generally consistent and comfortable with readers, however, its pace is simply too slow. If you notice, one idea can stretch over quite a few chapters, which can bore your readers and turn them off. Of course I can also understand that your focus is the protagonists’ thoughts and feelings. But please do pace the story out.
Language: 18/20
This is great. I really enjoyed every single expression and description of yours. They are creative, and I can never deny your efforts in them. Keep them going.
Enjoyment: 7/10
Though I can understand that you’re focus on feelings and emotions, you should never neglect the plot development. Readers would still be looking forward to some climaxes.
Bonus: 5/5
More great chapters from you please!(:
Total: 75/100
Thank you again, miss lovie!