| Fan Fiction |
by heartsong
“Hebe, thank you so much. You have no idea how your coming along has made things so much better.”
She smiled at me, because we both knew that at this juncture, words would not be able to convey the emotions we’d gone through together.
“Ella,” she murmured, after a moment of comfortable silence, “You’ll miss him, won’t you?”
“Of course,” I replied; my voice soft but firm. I could not break down.
“Are you ever going to give yourself another shot at love?”
“No,” I looked out of the window, relishing in the fact that even up here, I could not see any natural lights. All I could find outside the barriers of the plane’s window was utter blackness.
Maybe even the stars needed rest, sometimes. Maybe it was so that they would last longer, shine brighter. Be able to wait.
I had finally gotten what I wanted: knowing Chun loved me, too. But we couldn’t be together. Could there be a worse torture in this world? I was torn.
“Why?” she asked, her voice a bare whisper, shredded – and every bit as torn, as broken as I felt.
I knew Hebe was hurting for me, and I knew I owed her a good explanation for this.
Silent for awhile, I searched through my head. Why didn’t I want to give myself a shot at love?
Because I still hoped? Because I no longer wanted love? Because my heart had failed to function without it’s other half?
“Because,” I answered, my soft, broken voice a silent silk barrier that fell between us, barring any more questions but not barring Hebe’s concern, “if He wasn’t my Prince Charming, Hebe, then I wouldn’t want to be Cinderella.”
The answer was really that simple.
---
“What’s wrong, Chun?” Ariel questioned softly, her voice no longer feeling like silk in the hollow of his ear, “You’ve been awfully distant.”
“Did you send her away, Ariel?” he asked; his voice quiet. Ariel stiffened, and brought her hands away from his arm.
“Yes, I did.”
“Why?”
Ariel remained silent, looking away as her vision swam, clouded with tears.
She considered, carefully, what to tell him; how to tell him. She blinked, once, and the tears came flowing.
It was his undoing.
He turned and she came into his arms as though she was made to fit there, sobbing helplessly into his chest.
“I didn’t want to, either, Chun, but I was losing you. Honestly, I have never meant to hurt my sister – she’s my sister, Chun, why would I hurt her? I just wanted you by my side and I was worried…”
“Ariel,” he breathed, closing his eyes as he leaned into her scent, “I believe you didn’t mean it.”
She closed her eyes and cried at the utter relief that understanding brought. Ariel breathed a deep breath of forgiveness, sank into his chest, into his faith, and let herself go.
Chun stilled and listened to the jumble of his feelings, erupting within him in a cacophony of emotions.
He closed his eyes and perceived bright, burning lights. And then he saw Ella.
He mouthed her name, and prayed Ariel would not hear he way his heart sped up whenever he thought of her sister. He closed his eyes until Ella swam in his vision, a kaleidoscope of overwhelming regret. He sighed and came into a dream, where all he could see, all he wanted was Ella, and he prayed, in his sub-consciousness, that Ariel would not know.
---
We’d alighted from the plane and checked out of the airport just moments ago, and right now I breathed in the fresh French air.
I turned to smile at Hebe. She grinned back and flagged a taxi to take us to the place we would be staying at for the next few days. Hebe’s friend had extended her hospitality and we would put up there until Ariel’s wedding was held.
Ariel’s wedding. My younger sister was getting married before me.
I chuckled a little at the thought, sincerely amused.
We climbed into the taxi, smelling of leather seats and comfort.
I watched as the car flew past the cityscape, tinted in blue. The sky was a canvas swathed and swept over in hues of grey and soft violet. Streetlights bore gentle shades of pink-amber glow onto the roads, until you could no longer see the blue; only the intermittent shades of orange blooming upon the black tar.
All of sudden I became aware of everything around me.
There was the cold of the air conditioner, biting into my skin.
I could feel the edge of the seatbelt against my neck, biting into my skin until it hurt, yet soothed. I was impossibly alert, aware of how the waist of my jeans was rough and snug against my flesh. I could feel the car moving along the road that felt instead like a dirt track of cobblestones.
And there were the sounds that had grown uncomfortably loud; the almost-luminous green of the plants, nearly blinding.
And the red glow of words in the dark – floating: Welcome to France.
Life could be like this; natural defects; natural flaws, all outshone by the world's definition of perfect.
I stared until I thought I might be just be able to see the glowing, white hot strip of filament - the core that kept the bulb alive.
But I never managed to find it amidst the bright amber glow.
And after an eternity of looking for it, of looking into one amber flame after another, I still had not gathered enough light to figure out my next step in the darkness.
Was it already time I let go?
And why?
Overhead, an airplane soared towards the runway in landing, precariously near. The roar of its engines momentarily deafened me, but I did not mind. This was the glorious sound of escape – of raw healing, of raw love.
Hebe had told me once: I was overdoing it by running away. But in all honesty, I did not care.
---
Chun watched as Ariel shuffled demurely to stand in front of the mirror, in a flowing white gown that trailed behind her like mist.
He smiled wistfully.
He did love Ariel. But he loved Ella, too.
Ariel was frail, delicate and weak. He had to protect her no matter what. He wouldn’t allow anyone to harm her.
He watched her examine herself in the mirror, frowning when she thought she was too fat in places.
Chun walked over and draped an arm loosely on the small of her waist.
“What’s the matter, Ariel?”
“I look fat,” she whispered softly, so the attendant wouldn’t hear her.
“No you don’t.”
“Chun,” she finally murmured and turned to face him, holding both his large, warm hands in hers, “Do you love me?”
“Yes.” His answer was a wavering smile.
“Then – do you love my sister?”
Chun was silent.
“I mean – as a friend?”
He swallowed and nodded.
“You aren’t in love with her – like that – right?”
He had no answer for her.
Ariel dropped his hands and turned away.
He whispered an apology to her.
“All my life – all my life, Chun, all my life I’ve had to compete with my sister in everything. Everything. She did so many things that I couldn’t because she was older. She got so many privileges, so many awards. She was noticed. All my life the only thing I’ve ever had above her is that I get to study in an overseas university and graduate earlier than her. And then You came.”
She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, as though the action would shield her from any impending emotional blows. As though – if she could not see the look on his face that would break her, she would not feel it, either.
“I know she wanted you, Chun. But so did I. And it was not because I wanted to have something she didn’t. It was because I loved you. I still do love you. What does Ella have that I don’t – why can’t I measure up to her?”
“Ariel,” he whispered, and pulled her to him so that her face was buried in his chest as she cried for the loss of something she never really owned, “I’m sorry. I really am.”
“Are you going to call off the wedding?” her voice was broken with grief, with the weight of her sorrow.
“No; not unless you want me to. Loving your sister does not change the fact that I love you, too. Besides, Ella’s gone. She won’t be coming back soon. It won’t make a difference to her; but it’ll make you happy. And she’ll be happy to see you happy.”
And Ariel only cried harder into the warmth, the chance he offered her – the single shot at happiness she had so longed for.
Chun felt something bloom in his chest – relief, maybe? Or was it regret at the fact that he had never insisted Ella should stay, at the fact that he had let her walk away? If he could not love Ariel the way she wanted, he would make her happy. He would protect her and love her like a husband should want to protect his wife.
‘Ella,’ he thought, so that Ariel would not hear the wistfulness in his voice, ‘I am so, so sorry. I love you. I’ll come. I will. Wait for me.’
---
Sit back, relax, and enjoy!