| Fan Fiction |
by DBSKAngel
Crimson Eyes
DBSK Fanfiction
Mainly Jaejoong
Shot-One
Non-Slash
Months had gone by since the little escape to the mountains, since Junsu's breakdown and Changmin's need of support.
Junsu was his old self again, stilling making up stupid and horrible jokes.
Changmin still didn't like crowds or going out but he did slip out every once and in while to please his hyungs, but never alone and never for a long amount of time.
Jaejoong was pleased Changmin was getting out a bit more, despite the obvious relief written on his face when they went home.
Jaejoong was even more pleased that Junsu had become hyper and carefree again though the jokes could have stopped.
Life was back to it old pattern but practices were going longer, and there were more concerts, more interviews, more shows, more stressful days.
It seemed the company thought they had too much time on hand and that was the reason for the members crashing, so instead they would keep them busy, working constantly, going night after night with no sleep because they had to finish this or that within a time frame.
It wasn't until the dark color of blood swirling in reflection of Jaejoong's eyes did he realized something was wrong.
Something wrong with him. Jaejoong couldn't remember when he started maybe is was right after the mountain trip maybe just a few days ago.
His days blurred with one another until Jaejoong didn't know where one began and the other ended.
Then Jaejoong had his argument with Yunho, the pain had been unbearable. Yunho words hurt a lot, but Jaejoong told his band mate it was fine.
Jaejoong went on as if nothing, the other members sensing nothing wrong with their eldest member.
Jaejoong had always been able to mask his emotions easily and it paid off.
Now it had been a few weeks since Yunho had been released from the hospital and Micky came back from America.
Jaejoong was glad Yunho had stopped drinking but still kept an eye on him, to make sure he didn’t have more then a beer or two at night like he use to do.
Micky seemed much more calm, and more as ease with himself. Jaejoong noticed him talking on the phone to someone in America. It was unusually to see Micky talking in English so much, but comforting as well.
Jaejoong didn’t know what to do. He debated between telling his band mate he needed help and not telling them and holding on. They were so stressed because of their busy schedule and lack of sleep.
Jaejoong just didn’t have it in him to break it to his brothers that he had crack. He wasn’t strong enough to tell them.
Instead Jaejoong turned inward on himself. Luckily it was late January and the weather was still cold enough that they wore sweaters and Jaejoong easily covered the cuts on his wrist with his sweater.
When they did photo shoots with t-shirt Jaejoong wore a wide wrist band or wide bracelets to keep them hidden.
Jaejoong stood leaning over the sink of the bathroom, bracing himself with his hands, blood running down his left wrist and hand on top the white counter top, pain running up his arm at the pressure of his weight.
Jaejoong stared at the brilliant contrast of color, red and white. His eyes reflected the dark red, making them look crimson.
Jaejoong jumped at a knock on the door.
“Jaejoong-oppa, are you done? We are about to leave.” called Changmin’s voice.
“Coming!” Jaejoong replied and cleaned the mess with toilet paper then flushed it.
He grabbed some bandage tape and tape over the still bleeding cuts and slipped over the wrist band wincing slightly. Double checking the counter and his hands to make sure there was no blood left.
Jaejoong opened the door and smiled at Changmin, “I’m ready, lets go.”
Changmin lead the way to the door where the others waited.
Jaejoong smiled and followed them, down the stairs and into the company van, on their way to a concert.
They arrived at the concert location, and went onto the stage and started practicing on the stage to get the feel of how the concert was going to go.
Jaejoong ignored the stinging pain in his wrist that went up his arm and down to his finger tips. After they finished practicing, they washed up and relaxed in their dressing room, while the hair stylist began on their hair.
Jaejoong closed his eyes, feeling a bit light head and drank some water, while the stylist worked on his hair.
Once his hair was finished, he went and changed into the first outfit for the concert, slipping off the blood soaked luckily red wrist band, before slipping on a wide bracelet.
He walked out to see Yunho and Yoochun already dressed and stretching out their muscles. Jaejoong sat on a chair, rubbing his eyes.
“You ok” asked Yoochun.
“Yeah, a bit tired.”
“Drink plenty of water.” Yunho replied and Jaejoong merely nodded.
Junsu and Changmin walked out dressed and ready.
Then their manager came to them telling them the concert would start in about 30min.
They smiled and talked to the camera recording back stage, they joked, and laughed.
Then it was time to start. Jaejoong walked on stage and began to sing and dance with his band mates. But his movements felt sluggish and blurry.
He didn’t really know what was going on, and moved and sang automatically not really thinking about it.
The song ended and they started another song, ‘Purple Line’ Jaejoong began to sing and move, his wrist throbbing in time with the music.
After four songs, they left the stage, changed closed while a video played going with the theme of the concert. They were hot and sweaty and Jaejoong’s wrist ached.
They changed quickly and down water, and peed.
Yunho shook Jaejoong gently, “You ok?”
“Ya, I’m not tired anymore.” Jaejoong grinned.
Yunho finished the statement, “Your exhausted.”
Jaejoong laughed, “Yes, but the music and fans give me energy.”
Yunho smiled, “That’s good.”
Jaejoong smiled and they went out again to sing and dance, then they talked with the fans for a while before disappearing again to change and start the slow songs and some solos.
Jaejoong’s solo was first, ‘Maze’, a moment thought pass through his brain, that the floor needed to stop moving, before he lost himself in he music and sang his heart out.
Next was a another solo song and Jaejoong felt light headed and out of breath. He rubbed his hands together and blinked, looking down, one hand with blood.
Jaejoong casually used the water from his water bottle to rise his hand off, pretend to be wetting it to cool off his neck.
Jaejoong tighten the bracelet while Changmin sang his solo “Wild Soul”.
He didn’t realize that Yoochun was watching him, have noticed Jaejoong’s face paling.
It was after their slow/solo songs, while dancing ‘Clap’, when Jaejoong felt sick, light headed and dizzy. Jaejoong stumbled in one of the dance steps, Junsu catching him from falling.
Jaejoong mumbled a quick thanks while falling back in step with the dance. Yoochun wanted to ask Jaejoong if he was alright after seeing him stumbled but they went straight into another song when Clap was done.
During the next song ‘Shine’ was when Jaejoong felt the floor tilt alarmingly, and his vison blur, he stumbled and fell, catching himself with his wounded arm, wincing. Jaejoong laid there for a moment trying to focus but his head only began to pounded intensely.
Jaejoong stumbled on his hands and knees to get off stage, feeling like he was going to throw up, his vision still half dark. He felt hands grab him, lifting him off the floor.
Jaejoong blinked and looked up at Yoochun, who held him in his arms, then laid him on a sofa. Jaejoong blinked and tried to sit up, but Junsu pulled him back down.
“Jaejoong, are you ok? What’s wrong?” Yunho asked.
“Nothing, nothing, I just got light headed that all.” Jaejoong mumbled back, wishing he didn’t have to talk or he’d throw up.
Yunho touched his head, “You don’t have fever, you cold actually.”
Yunho went to grab Jaejoong’s hands and saw the blood.
“Jae...” Yunho said softly.
Yoochun grabbed Jaejoong’s arm, while Jaejoong protested and tried to pull away but couldn’t.
Yoochun removed the bracelet and saw the bloody bandage tape and removed them see in the deep cuts underneath bleed pronouncedly now that the bracelet had been removed and the other scars.
“Why Jae?” Yunho asked.
Jaejoong began to cry, “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t...you guys were so stressed out already. I didn’t want to put more stress on you, by making you worry, I’m sorry....”
Yunho smacked him on the head, “Of course we worry! You should have told us! If your stressed we can help you, like you help us!”
Jaejoong cried more and gagged, throwing up the water he had drank that night.
“Jaejoong you can’t go on tonight. You need to go to the hospital, those cuts look serious.”
Junsu asked softly, “Did you try to kill yourself?”
Jaejoong shook his head and shrugged at the same time, feeling a cold wet towel be pressed on his wrist.
“I don’t know.” Jaejoong said looking up at his manager, pressed the towel on his wrist firmly.
Jaejoong began to cry again and apologized over and over, before he swayed heavily and feel against Changmin who caught him.
Jaejoong barely noticed the EMT come rushing in, swarming around him, but he instantly fought them when he realized who they were.
“I’m fine!” Jaejoong shouted, trying to get up but failing.
“Please Jaejoong, you need to go to the hospital.” Yunho begged.
Jaejoong cried and fought back but lost what little strength he had. The EMT got him on the gurney, strapping him down, and wheeled him to the ambulance, wrapping his wrist and piercing his skin with an I.V.
Jaejoong let the darkness take him then, falling into an abyss. When he came to, he was in a hospital bed, both his wrist bond in thick bandaged and some sort strap to keep him from cutting them, he sat up.
His eyes filled with tears then he noticed his band mate sitting in chairs around his bed.
“How long have I been here?”
“Five days. You woke up once, screaming and raging, they sedated you.”
Jaejoong sighed, “I’m sorry.”
“We all cracked under the pressure Jaejoong, it is not your fault, I just wished we had noticed it, like you noticed.” Yunho replied
“I mean you knew when we were cracking, but none of us realized you were.” Yoochun added.
Jaejoong sighed, “I kept it hidden.”
“So did we,” Junsu snapped back, sitting in a chair next to him.
Jaejoong blinked at the sharpness of Junsu’s normally sweet voice.
“You scared the shit out of me! You what it was like to see you stumble once, then just collapse on the floor, then try to crawl away?! It was terrible!!!” Junsu said while crying, and shaking.
Yoochun went over and wrapped his arms around him, Junsu hid his face in Yoochun’s stomach crying, while Yoochun ran his hand lightly through his hair to calm him.
Yoochun looked at Jaejoong, his eyes hard, “We all had problems, we all made mistakes, but Jaejoong to cut yourself like that? Even Yunho’s drinking couldn’t have killed him faster then those cuts you had.”
Jaejoong bit his lower lip and looked down at his lap, feeling tears in his eyes.
“The doctor said you were lucky not to bleed to death, that bracelet was the only thing slowing the blood.” Yunho said harshly.
Jaejoong looked up at Yunho, trying to speak but not able. He didn’t think they had been that deep, he couldn’t really remember the actual cutting his wrist, he never did, he’d remember going into the bathroom, then there would be blood.
“Were you trying to kill yourself?” Changmin asked, and Junsu whimpered at the words, his face still hidden in Yoochun’s stomach.
Jaejoong looked from one face to another, tears rolling down his face before he whispered, “I don’t know.”
Junsu snapped away from Yoochun, jumping up and grabbing Jaejoong shoulders, shaking him violently, “HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW!!!! YOU WERE THE ONE CUTTING YOURSELF!! DID YOU WANT TO DIE OR NOT!?!?”
Jaejoong gasped at being shaken, crying more while Yoochun and Changmin grabbed Junsu and pulled him away.
Junsu collapsed against Yoochun, crying again.
Yunho looked at Jaejoong, while Jaejoong looked at Junsu with wide eyes.
“See what your actions have done?” Yunho said harshly.
Jaejoong turned to look at him, “WHAT? CAN I NOT SNAP TOO!? YOU CAN SNAP BUT I HAVE TO STAY....WHAT WAS IT YOU SAID...PERFECT!!!!!!??”
Jaejoong shook with rage and exhuastion, “YOUR SAYING YOU CAN TRY AND DROWN YOUR SELF IN ALCOHOL BUT I CAN CUT MYSELF!!!!?? WHAT THE HELL YUNHO!?”
Jaejoong and gotten of the bed at this point and was standing next to it shaking.
“THE DIFFERENCE IS I DIDN’T TRY TO KILL MYSELF!” Yunho yelled back.
“AND THAT IS WHY YOU ENDED UP IN THE HOSPITAL FOR ALCOHOL POISONING?!” Jaejoong snapped back.
Doctors and their manager had come running in at this point.
Jaejoong had rush forward and tried to punch Yunho, but Yunho spun away, giving Jaejoong a push so he fell.
Jaejoong stumbled and fell to the ground, he knelt there for a moment, and got up, and tried to hit Yunho again.
Yunho grabbed his wrist, and pulled him to him, trapping him in his arms.
Jaejoong kicked and yelled, “LET ME GO YUNHO!!! LET GO!!!!”
The doctors and Manager stood half shocked, half unsure what to do with the two raging artist. Junsu clung to Yoochun, and Changmin took hold of Yoochun’s arm.
They knew the fight was between Yunho and Jaejoong.
“I thought you forgave me for what I said that night...”Yunho said softly.
Jaejoong stopped fighting “I lied!”
“Jaejoong I-”
“I DON’T WANT TO HEAR IT!!!” Jaejoong yelled, and twisted in his arms, slipping out of them and away from Yunho.
“I’M TIRED OF YOUR LIES!!!! I’M TIRED OF YOU! I’M TIRED OF EVERYTHING!!” Jaejoong yelled, swaying slightly.
Yunho stood there half angry, half a shamed.
The doctors moved forward then, grabbed Jaejoong from behind, “Lay down.”
Jaejoong pulled away from them, “no!”
Jaejoong stepped away from everyone, “Leave me alone!!
Junsu pulled away from Yoochun and walked up to Jaejoong and smacked him across the face.
Jaejoong blinked, staring at Junsu, who stood there, his face tears streaked, then Junsu hugged him.
Jaejoong broke down crying, clinging to Junsu who also cried, and they sank to the floor together, crying. Yoochun and Changmin hugged them, Yunho stood a part from them.
Jaejoong fell asleep in Jusnu’s arms, his body trembling slightly. Yunho scooped him up and laid him down on the bed, then their manager escorted the band out of the room.
A week went by the band hadn’t been let in to see Jaejoong. Jaejoong was getting stronger but resisted the shrink every step of the way. He stayed silent whenever he came in to talk to him.
The band was told that Jaejoong cried a lot but never spoke. The bang worried over this. They were finally allowed to go see him, after Jaejoong had been calling over for them in his sleep.
The entered the room silently, but Jaejoong was awake, looking out the window in a chair. He turned to look at them.
Jaejoong was pale with dark circles under his eyes, his skin tight over his face, his eyes glimmered overly bright.
The sat in the other chairs, Yunho stayed standing.
“How are you?” Junsu asked.
Jaejoong shrugged but didn’t reply.
“They said you called for us in your sleep.” Yoochun added.
Jaejoong tensed but shrugged again.
“Jaejoong talk damn it!” Yunho snapped, receiving a glare from the other members.
Jaejoong looked at Yunho solemnly.
“What do you want me to say?” Jaejoong asked, his voice rough from no use.
“Tell us why you wont talk to the shrink. They are not going to let you out of here if you don’t”
Jaejoong shrugged, “I don’t feel like answering stupid questions.”
“They are trying to help you.” Changmin answered.
Jaejoong sighed, “No they are not. They want to pretend to help me, give me some drugs and send me home like nothing happened.”
“Don’t you want to go home?” ask Junsu.
Jaejoong shrugged, “I don’t know.”
“You’d rather stay here?” Yunho asked.
“No.” Jaejoong replied.
“Then work with them so you can get out of here.” Yoochun added.
Jaejoong sighed, “Fine.”
Changmin walked over and punched him softly, “Get better because YOU want to.”
Jaejoong smiled softly and punched him back, “I do.”
“Good.” Junsu replied, hugging him tightly, “We miss you.”
Jaejoong hugged him back, then they all hugged save Yunho who stood apart.
Jaejoong and Yunho looked at each other but said nothing. The doctor came in and dismissed the band.
A week passed, Jaejoong got better, the band visited him everyday.
The fans all though he had fallen ill.
Jaejoong was finally released from the hospital, two weeks after he had been brought there. Outside was full of fans, Jaejoong stayed between his band mates and they climbed into the van, which would take them home.
Jaejoong was glad to be home and so was his friends.
Jaejoong settle quickly back into his old life, Yunho and him had been shaky for a while but they were working on rebuilding their friendship
Jaejoong sat on the floor a few months later, drinking water, watching his band mates work on a Music Video, and smiled softly, they were his family, he had been stupid not to tell them he was in trouble.
He was glad he had them for support, he wasn’t sure what he’d do with out them.
The other four came over to sit with him and he leaned forward his arms out.
They five hugged tightly, glad they had each other and had gotten through the hard times.
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One shots finished!! I might write some more, I don’t know yet but I hope you’ve enjoyed my Chapter Fan Fic and one series of One Shots.