| Fan Fiction |
by eprinces
Once I got home , without bothering to turn on the light, I went straight to my bedroom. I was tired physically and mentally. All I wanted was to sleep. Resting on my stomach on my comfy bed, I closed my eyes and let the darkness take over me. My attempt to fall asleep didn't work, even after I tossed and turned,. It only made me more and more restless. I signed deep and hard out of frustration.
There was only one thing—person and that was the one and only in my life, Jung Junki. Jung Junki wasn't anybody or an ex lover from my past. He meant so much more to me that he became the reason I looked forward to the tomorrow's daylight.
Although he was always on my mind, I'd been focusing on finding the ring I'd hidden before the car accident four years ago. That was until when he appeared on my door step out of nowhere a couple of days ago. Because it'd been awhile since I last seen him, I was a little be sadden that I couldn't recognize him at first sight until he said his name. Four years ago, I wouldn't have never imaged this day, the day I wouldn't be able to recognize my angle. He was and would always be my angle and there was nothing that could change that. That much I knew for sure.
There were so much heartache, so little love. Sometimes I smiled and other times I cried whenever I thought of him and how life used to be back then. But mostly, my eyes were filled with tears and they'd stream down my cheeks nonstop until I had no more of tears left to cry.
Automatically, my hand reached out to feel the ring that was hanged on my necklace chain. The ring, the trouble to everything and the beginning of my heartache. The few people who happened to see it thought it belonged to me. I would have thought the same thing, too, if I was in their shoes. The true remained, it didn't belong to me. Small bitter laugh escaped me. I never even thought of trying it on because deep down, I knew it would never be mine. Yet it still ended up with me. The engagement ring had been there since the time I was give to keep it safe four years ago...
~Flashback~
When I arrived at my destination, I got off at the bus stop. The moment I stepped off the bus, I felt the chilly wind against my already cold face. The white snow from the other night had not melted away, still visible in every corner of the city. Winter, my used to be favorite season, was on the top of my things-I-hate list.
I walked about a block, taking my sweet time and thinking of what I was going to say or pretending to be a stranger. It didn't matter how slow I walked because one step after another, I arrived at the Seoul Hospital. I shifted my whole body around and stood in front of the big hospital. and watched several people walking in and out of the hospital building. I hesitated. I couldn't go in, my body refused to move a muscle. Maybe I should come back some other time--
“It's cold out here, you know,” a female voice came out of nowhere and interrupted my thoughts. I blinked my eyes and saw Yoona standing a couple of foot away from me. I could only stare. I was surprised. This woman rarely spoke to me. And when she did happen to talk to me, she'd sound or act rude. Because I knew why, I didn't bother of converting her. I wasn't ready to hear it from her. She disliked—no, she hated me because of the close friendship I had with Junki, her fiance.
“Are you okay, Miss Yunji?”
Now she was worried? I asked myself.
She was really pretty for a woman. She had on an expensive black coat that came down to above her knees, black pant and boots. It was no wonder men couldn't pass her by without glancing back at her once or twice. And unfortunately, Junki happened to be one of them or so I thought.
She had everything that I didn't or wasn't: she was 18 and college student, had long legs that went well with her small waist, had long black hair that fell down to her shoulder, and had a small yet an innocent face. I was totally the opposite of her. That wasn't all. I would have felt better if only she didn't have the one person I ever wanted. Now how could I stand her pretty face? My life would have been perfect if she didn't existed.
“I—I am fine,” I said and I walked away. I really did not want to talk to her, pretending to be nice.
“Wait!” she shouted. I stopped in my track but didn't bother turning around. After hesitation, she asked, “do you mind having a cup of coffee?” I rose my eyebrow as I turned my head to take a look at her. Was she serious? “ Honestly, I'd been wanting to talk to you.”
***'
For last five minutes to be exact, we haven't said a word. We were in the coffee shop across from the hospital. We sat across from each other silently while we had our drinks. She ordered a cup of black coffee and I had a cup of hot chocolate.
My curiosity was the reason I ended up in this awkward position. I chose not to show my discomfort in fear of making the atmosphere worse for both of us by forcing myself to be more and an extra patience.
She cleared her throat before speaking and I thought...finally. “You know...” I looked up quickly and eagerly, already interested in what she had to say.
“I'm confident Junki once loved me. If he didn't, he wouldn't ask me to marry him,would he? But...” She stopped and took a deep breath. By now I was no longer holding in my breath. Why was she talking in the past tense? I didn't understand.
“But the love I saw in his eyes whenever he was around you was...painful. Although he didn't realize, his eyes used to sparkle whenever you were around. It tore me apart too many times. ”
At this point, I couldn't tell what my reaction was showing on my face. I knew what she said was not true. It was just impossible. The truth was the opposite actually. I loved him but it was just one-sided love. There were too many reasons why I had to hold back from confessing. Mainly because I knew he didn't feel the same way, which was why I was afraid—no, scared to death of the rejection that was to come if I was to confess. But I was confident that he'd never leave my side and that I'd confess to him someday when I was ready, at the right time. There were never the right time.
When I least expected, One day, Junki came to see me looking like the happiest man on earth. My heart almost stopped beating when he told me he in love with this one girl from his school, Yoona. It was my first heartbreak. But I still had a little hope, hope that he'd fall out of love with her some time later or that she didn't feel the same way and would reject him. My little hope was crushed when I found out that she liked him too. Another heartbreak when they got engaged, promised to marry in a few months right before my eyes. Time seemed to prove me wrong again and again.
By now I had given up on life for good. However, the pain hadn't stop hurting. People and family thought my illness had returned and advised me to go see my doctor. My friend or should I say my lost angle came one day to cheer me up. Little did he know he was the cause of my sorrow. Did he think he could cure me like he did before? I agreed to have one last date with him before I decided to leave it all behind...for good. On the way to a movie theater, we got into a car accident due to the bad weather and iced road. I wasn't badly injured but he ended up losing his memory because he was hit in the head during the accident. One disappointment after another, a new pain before the old one healed, and in the end, I lost faith in everything.
I shocked my head, not wanting to believe her lies. This was all trick.
“Look, I understand that you think I'm the responsible for the incident. I just wish I could--”
“I never said I blame you for what happened. I never blamed anyone but God. He is the reason why this is happening to us. It is unfair but I don't blame you or anyone else.”
“Then why are you saying this nonsenses to me?”
“It's not nonsense. Do you think I'd say such thing about my own fiance if it isn't true? Why do you think I hated you so much that I prayed you'd disappear? Could that be the reason why instead of you, my fiancee is the one laying on the hospital bed?”
“Still. We both know he does not--”
“Did.”
“Huh?”
“He has lost his memory so I think everything should be in the past until he regains his memories. God knows when that will happen,” she said and sighed. I was in a disbelieve. I didn't know how to response to that. Now I know why she was speaking in the past tense. Yet it didn't make any sense. She had gone crazy, I thought.
“All I'm saying is that he only sees me as his little sister. He is—or was in love you.” I was getting angry. I didn't like speaking in the past tense when the man was still alive. That was rude. I couldn't help but wonder what was her true intention.
“It couldn't hurt to be little more patience, positive and keep the faith for sake of Junki.” I said as I leaned back in my seat. “I just don't get you. Why are you doing this?”
“Well, I have a reason.”
“What is your reason?” I asked ignoring the last sentence.
“You'll know,” she said. She was doing her best to avoid my eyes. She was hiding something, how she was feeling inside. Her sore expression said it all. For whatever reason she was doing this, it still pained her. She continued, “first, I want to how you feel about him and if your feeling has changed in any way.”
A good question, I thought, coming from her. “I used to have almost a perfect life. I lived like a princess, loved by my family and friends. I had nothing to worry about, always laughing and smiling throughout my days. But in a short time of period, my life was crushed into pieces when I had to hospitalized because of some incurable sickness,” I said and stopped for a second. It bittersweet to remember.
“Then everything was restored back to normal when when I first met Junki. With his heartwarming smile, I thought he was like an angle sent from above. Only because of his unexpected presence in my life, everything changed for good. He showed me the positive road to life and because of him, I was able to have faith in life once again. I was able to be happy and smile because he was there beside me encouraging and motivating me. Even when I was going through a painful treatment, he would always find something to make me laugh or at least smile. But he didn't need to do anything. Just him being there beside me, my darkness would bright up.
She didn't interrupt me as I continued. “There is no anymore reason for me to deny my love. I loved him, I still do, and I probably will for years to come. I don't feel guilty when it comes to my feeling for him because I didn't choose this road. Instead, I was chosen by love itself.”
The whole time I was talking, she was doing nothing but massaging the ring between her finger tips. My heart felt heavy. I wasn't naive nor was I being totally ignorant of how she must have felt. The situation must be difficult. for her. “I'm really sorry. I know it hurts to hear this from me about your fiancee.”
I felt guilty. No, I felt horrible when I saw the same sadness in her eyes. “No, you don't,” she said as she took off the ring from her finger that was between the middle and the little finger. I silently watched, not understand what was going on.
“Since we have been here, you might have thought I was a cold-hearted person. And I can't blame you. No one could ever understand what I'm going through,” she said and placed the ring on the table between us. I looked up and gave her a questioning look. I was way too confused to say a word. At the same time, I saw a single tear rolling down her cheek. Was her pain more unbearable than mine? Was I the cause of all that pain?
“The man who proposed to me not long ago is on the hospital bed with no memory of us being together at all. He doesn't even remember my face... you have no idea how that feels like. I had to wake up every morning and face the reality that feels more like a dream. I want it to be a dream but it is not. The pain is becoming more and more intolerable for me. And I can't do this anymore. Don't misunderstand me. I still love him as same way as I did before regardless of what happened. It is not like he had any choice.”
I didn't know how to behave. Was I suppose to comfort her? If so, how? I couldn't even find the right words to say in this kind of situation. Lets not forget that our relationship was that great to begin with. “I know it is hard. Those past weeks hasn't been easy for anybody, especially you. He'll regain his memories back in no time.”
“I'm trying, Miss Yunji. Can't you see? How can I go on like this? When every part of my body feels like burning as if I'm on the fire?”
It was becoming more and more difficult to control my own emotion. I felt like crying myself when I stare at her wet eyes. I wasn't a person who would cry during day light or in front of others. Only at night in my bed where there would be no one to judge me or witness my foolishness. I needed to stay strong, I encouraged myself. I couldn't break down now, could I?
“I'm sorry. I just don't know what to say or do in this situation. Although we are more like strangers than friends, I'm doing my best to be open-minded.”
We became silence like we were when we first came in. I looked down at the diamond ring on the table. I didn't know much about rings, diamonds, or the value of it but it didn't look like an inexpensive ring. This ring was similar with Junki's ring, except for the size. Speaking of the ring, I better return it to him next time I see him before I end up losing it, I reminded myself. “What is the meaning of this?”
“Oh, this,” she said as she looked down at the ring. “I--I want you to keep it for me.”
My eyes almost popped out. I didn't know how to react. I was lost and confused. “Excuse me?”
“You seem to think he will regain his memories. If that ever happens, promise me you'll return this to him.”
“Huh?
“I don't think I can hold on and wait until he regains his memory. Actually, I feel like if I stay here one more day, I won't survive.”
“So—so you're giving up on him now?”
“ I'm moving to California next week,” she said ignoring my question.
“What? You think running away is the best solution?” I screamed, not caring about where I was or whom I was talking to. I was angry.
“My heart says I should stick around but my mind says it is the right thing. And I'm going with what my mind says and everybody else agrees with my decision.”
“No, listen to your heart,” I begged her. I wasn't in the right mind to know what I was saying. She didn't say anything nor was she looking me in the eye. “I'm telling you. Please, don't make me regret letting him go to you in the first place?”
“I know I may seem the bad guy here but you have to understand. I'm not strong enough for this. If not today, I hope you'll understand me some day. Please, take a good care of him,” she said. She paid for our drinks before getting up. She walked away and left the place without another word. I was stunned of what just happened.
~Flashback Ends~
That was the last day I ever saw her. I've been wondering how she was able to give up on him. Maybe it wasn't that easy for her to leave him but I still think she should have stood by him. Would she have done the same thing if they were married then? So many questions I wanted to ask, I said out loud and sighed.
I flipped over and lied on my back staring at the ceiling this time. There were two kinds of people in this world: the ones you would remember for rest of your life and those you would forget over time. The same way, there were two kinds of heart pains: the ones that would heal over time and those that wouldn't heal until the end of time.
I heard my cell phone ring in the background and I snapped out of my deep thoughts. I got up and picked up my bag from the floor before I sat down on the edge of my bed. After I unzipped the bag, I took out my cell. Before the phone hanged up since it had been ringing longer, I quickly flipped it open.
“Hello?”
“It's me--”
“Mr. Junki?”
TBC