| Fan Fiction |
by Mariel D.
Hey there! really thanks for the review!
you know, I already change all the negative parts! okay?
The plot, I already changed my plans! mwahaha! =]
The characters, I already added some discriptions of them in the forewords! =]
The grammars and wrong spellings: I'm trying to locate where it is and I'll improve it for sure!
And For the poster: I already requested from other sites! and I'll get it soon! heheh
REALLY< THANKS YOU FOR THE HONEST REVIEW! =]
OMG! WHY DID I ASK FOR 2 REVIEWS AT DIFFERENT SITES? HUHU, I THOUGHT I ASK FOR A REVIEW IN RAWR-OUT-LOUD FOR MY 1ST STORY! WHY IS IT HERE?? URRGH,, SO TROUBLESOME! ANYWAY! THANKS FOR THE REVIEW ANNA SUNGMIN!
at least your review was 4 points higher that the other one! heheh, okay, I'll take you tips! =]...
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Author : Mariel D.
Title : “..I had fallen for my enemy..”
Link : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Guilun15/
Status : On-going
Reviewer : Anna Sungmin @ RawrOutLoud
Warning : The reviewer may not know the author and vice versa. We are here to review your fan fiction as honest as we can in order for you to improve. Irritating words and eye-sore critics may appear in this, -directly or indirectly. But all of that is for no other means, except to aid you in improving yourself. I sincerely apologize if my review contains any offensive comments and criticisms. Thank you.
Title : 2/5
It’s a total plain title. And there are mistakes too. If you put, “had fallen” it means that you’re no longer falling for this person because it had happened in the past. But seeing your story, it is still on going. In fact, they’ve just fallen in love. I don’t know which one is your title, “The lonelyness that had once faded just bcoz of you” or “I had fallen for my enemy”. Either way, the mark is still going to be the same. The current title is wrong, the spelling of lonelyness. It’s supposed to be “Loneliness”. Do not put abbreviations in titles, it doesn’t look good. The title “The lonelyness that had once faded just bcoz of you” is too long. Try making, “The loneliness that faded because of you.”
Poster/Background : 5/10
I wasn’t impressed as the poster is a little bit awkward and messy. I give you points because the poster was made by you and it’s your own artwork. I know that not everyone of us can edit nicely and have a good hand in Photoshop, but you can at least help by using a better quality picture of Arron. The blue strings (?) on the poster are disturbing too.
Forewords : 4/10
If you think that your foreword is long, then you’re wrong. It’s not long at all and you need to space it up. Please avoid abbreviations like ‘every yr’. It’s better to put ‘every year’. And at the bottom part, I don’t know whether those are quotes or poems, but they are really off-topic.
Plot : 10.5/15
The plot is not really that good, but still acceptable. You can make it better by creating more interesting happenings on each chapter. Your story is not yet ‘that’ far, that’s why it doesn’t bring much of your plot.
Creativity/ Originality : 10/15
Falling in love with an enemy is something I’ve seen everyday in fan fictions. It has already lost its originality. Try to build up your originality and creativity by changing some lines or adding twist and turns. You can even make this better if you have some creativity of you own. It’ll be much exciting to read.
Flow : 8/10
A little bit fast, but that’s okay.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 5/10
You should really check your spelling before posting. Try asking someone to revise your work to correct the mistakes you did. Grammar is a bit shattered and your vocabulary needs to be expanded. The wrong tenses make your work lost its meaning or even have another different meaning (which confuses people a lot). Try to work more on this. : )
Characterization : 7.5/10
So far, it’s good. But please explain more on the characters.
Writing style : 7.5/10
Somehow confusing because of your punctuations and all. Place full stops and commas at the right places and take note of the person’s POV.
Overall enjoyment : 2/5
This depends on each individual whether they like it or not. My opinion is in between. But what is more important is the trust your readers have given you. They love your story. Why ask for more? ^^
Sub total : 61.5/100
Bonus : 2/5
Don’t be disappointed of the mark. It is also a part of learning. You will do better in your next attempt. GOOD LUCK! :D
Total : 63.5/100
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Story Title : "..I had fallen for my enemy..."
URL : http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Guilun15/
Author: Mariel D.
Reviewed by : rh0bzcute
Appearance (Poster. Background, Colors, etc.) - 5/10: sorry for the low score... but I think your poster is very... messed up. the background is a little good. but I think that it could be improved. the color of the font... is a little boring... you could try to change it.
Title - 4/10: It's a very common title... you must make your title be very mysterious and not very obvious.
Forewords - 8/10: Okay, I must say, your forewords moved me... haha... you had there some dramatic lines. I like it. keep that up.
Plot - 7/15: for me... your plot is very... common. you know, they're enemies at first then they fell in love with each other... it's very common really.
Spelling, Grammar & Punctuation - 5/10: You have a LOT of typos and wrong spellings AND wrong grammars! you really should read your story again and review it.
Style in/of writing - 9/10: I'm not a fan of paragraph style... but I must say, your style in writing is neat and clean.
Description (The way you describe your story)- 8/10: You're in paragraph style, so that's why you could describe your story very well. Keep it up.
Characters - 8/10: I'm not actually a fan of GUILUN. but I think they have a good chemistry. but you didn't describe your characters that much that I couldn't actually know what kind of facial expression should I imagine. I think you should put more descriptions about your character in your forewords...
Over-all enjoyment - 5/15: sorry again, but I didn't enjoy reading your story at all.
Total - 59/100: Please don't be sad or discouraged about this review. But, I hope instead, this will make you become a better writer. Thanks a lot for requesting at Lifetime-dreams! Hope to see you soon. :)
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OMG! What a low score, if ever I'll receive that kind of grade on my card, I don't know what to do! bwahahah... well, I hope you'll understand me coz, I'm only a beginner, ... well, I really wish I could write a good fanfic someday .
-Wait, when miss Anna said "And at the bottom part, I don’t know whether those are quotes or poems, but they are really off-topic." why off topic? It really fits in my story. hayzz, whatever.. Well, okay, okay... =]..
-I really thought I requested for my 1st story, but then, urrgh, never mind... well, keep on supporting!