| Fan Fiction |
by j.v.L
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~Minji~
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It was bright outside I can tell. I could hear people running around happily, kids laughing and screaming, parents who was trying to calm them down and of course, I could the guys worried walks outside my door
2 days passed already and after the incident I had with JaeJoong, I hadn't seen him, met him or anything. Basically because he was never home and when he was, he was always in his room. He looked at me, checked up on me from time to time but it didn't take more than a few minutes and he always brought one member along. I heard and I knew..
I heard that the guys were trying to talk to him, asking him what's wrong but he always replied with the same answer
"Nothing"
I had basically shut myself inside as well. I couldn't face any of them at the moment and now when I needed JaeJoong the most, he was never around. I wondered if I did something wrong that day. I had no idea that we were going to be so .... close to each other..
But the feelings that day was something beyond my imagination. Never in my entire life have I felt such a ticklish, nervous feeling. Frustrated in a way cause I wanted to know what were going to happen next and my heart had never pounded so hard onto my chest before, i thought it was going to break through my body and jump out of my chest..
I had felt that beating before but that was because of the fear I was feeling, the men.. who.. used me.. abused me..
But it was different with JaeJoong.. It was more of an exciting feeling.. I hadn't tried to see him cause I was too weak to move out of my bed. I didn't want to move and I wanted to stay in the bed. It felt like my body had gone numb. The nightmares exhausted me, making me feel too tired to even sit up cause if I did, I would only get dizzy. And when I was awake, the images was so clear to me that I didn't know what to do, where to look or what to say
Changmin had been in here, reading books for me, holding me and I enjoyed his warmth, his concern and his love for me. But.. I didn't feel special around him. When JaeJoong was here, I was.. I felt it
The electrifying feeling that went through every part of my body as soon as he laid his hands on me, a single touch from he tip of his finger could make me gasp, taking my breath away
Sometimes, during night I had sensed someone outside my door. I had been half conscious then but I had never put too much effort into checking who it was cause I knew it wasn't JaeJoong..
And even if it did feel like him, the strength of mine wasn't strong enough to pull myself out from the bed..
The guys had tried to help me, trying to get me eat, forcing me to drink water but I didn't feel like it. As soon as I start, it feels like I'm going to throw up. Why?
Because the images of the men who.. had laid their hands on me.. was making me sick and those images didn't disappear..
I looked at the clock to see it was close to 8 pm.Laying inside this room all day long, not moving an inch, was making you feel more than tired, you didn't feel like doing anything.. it was if you were a corpse, a dead walking one..
Soon enough I knew that someone were going to come in and check up on me..Even though I kept wishing that it was JaeJoong, to my disappointment it was never him.
The door was heard once again and I saw Yoochun and Yunho standing at the doorentrance. They soon walked it with a cup of tea and Donghae was right behind them..
He confirmed just like the other times that I was fine but I needed to eat more. I was slowly loosing weight since I barely ate but all of them knew that I was kind of depressed..
But could they blame me?
I didn't choose this..
Any of this..
"Minji?" Yunho asked and stroked my hair gently
I looked up at him with tired eyes
"Please.. please.. Minji.. eat something" He pleaded
I am trying. But I can't.. cause.. the memories are making me choke.. I can't deal with it. I can't swallow..
"Minji.. drink some water.." Yoochun whispered sadly
It was hurting me to see them so devastated. But no one could do anything. Being in this depressed state, I couldn't do much either.. Cause I couldn't help what my mind were thinking..
"She's getting weaker.." Donghae whispered and looked at the guys
They sighed heavily
"Should we bring her to the hospital?" Yoochun asked
Donghae looked at me but I didn't meet his eyes. I pushed away the glass of water and lied again and I felt Yunho stroking my back as Yoochun were caressing my cheek
"I don't know. I don't think it's a good idea. She can't be around strangers. Let's wait and observe for 2 more days. If there is no change, we need to bring her there" Donghae said
I didn't pay attention and I didn't care anymore. I just wanted them to go out..
Donghae soon left due to his schedule but Yunho and Yoochun stayed. They were looking at me with sad eyes..
"Where is JaeJoong?" Yunho asked
"Not home.." Yoochun said
I flinched a bit and both of them reacted
"Minji?" Yunho asked
I opened my eyes but as soon as I met his eyes I closed them again. It's not those eyes I want to see..
"Gosh.. otoke?" Yoochun whispered
"We need to do something. She's fading away.. look at her.." Yunho said sadly, as if it pained him to see me in this state..
But those words didn't really affect me. As if his sad voice were hitting the wall that was built around me. .
"Let her sleep Hyung.. "
Both of them gave me a peck on my forehead before leaving the room and I let out a sigh as I opened my eyes again.
JaeJoong hates me doesn't he? He doesn't want to approach me because he .. knew what I've been through right?
A slut..
Tears started to stroll down my face as the truth was becoming clearer to me. That is why he doesn't visit me alone anymore. He didn't spend time with me, he didn't... check up on me anymore.. He was avoiding me..
That's the reason.. it must be that reason..
That's why..
I disgust him..
I looked at myself in the mirror as I cried silently looking at my reflection. That must be it.. it must be that reason..
If that's not the reason, why would he stop seeing me? Why would he stop hugging me..
The warmth is gone. The love and protection as well..
I folded my fists weakly as I cried..
I hated to admit it but I missed him.
Even though I might disgust him I missed him terribly.
I missed him because he made me feel different. He didn't.. give away any vibes that he was going to hurt me.. He was always gentle..
So was the other guys but JaeJoong managed to make the electrifying feeling rush through me, and it felt amazing..
And he always assured me that whenever I met someone new, especially a guy, he always calmed me down by saying they were different.. they're not like other guys..
And I had started to believe in him..
every now and then i would flinch but it's just because my body is automatically doing that when I'm meeting someone new..
But now.. I had gathered the courage..I could meet his friends cause it was obvious that they weren't the same as the filthy men who used me.
But even though I had the courage to be with his friends.. I didn't have the courage to face the images..
They were too strong..
It must be that reason..
He hates me.. He hates the sight of me and being around me..
It must be it..
it just has to..
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~JaeJoong~
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As I was driving home, from the gym pass I just had, I could not help but sigh. it didn't feel like home anymore. It was torture.
It was torture going home.. Why?
Because it was tiring me out to avoid her, to be away from her and when I did pay a visit, to talk to her, to see her, it was more frustrating cause I couldn't approach her without my heart beating rapidly, as I was trying to fight the feelings from taking over..
And knowing that I have to stay away from her just so that nothing would be ruin, harm her, it was breaking me down inside..
I wanted to hug her, have her in my arms, lie next to her as I was holding her tightly and close to me, kiss her..
Nothing of that was possible. .
I let out a sigh as I parked the car outside..
I took out the key and leaned my head against the seat as I let out a sigh of frustration. Avoiding her these 2 days was torture. It was torturing me and it felt like I was burning up in hell, but slowly..
every pain was being felt and somehow, the hell was making sure of that I was suffering. Of course I had noticed that she hadn't eaten. That she had gotten weaker and that she had fallen into depression.
I was observing her.. and during nights I would even look at her from afar as she was sleeping worriedly in her bed. I never thought I was going to be able to resist it but I felt myself getting weaker and weaker..
I grabbed my bag and threw it over my shoulder as I dragged my feet against the house. Looking at her from afar isn't enough.. but being in the same room as her isn't enough either.. I really just want.. next to me..
I took a deep breath before I entered the house. To my surprise I saw all the lights were on, not one single was off and I heard Junsu and Changmin talking worriedly to each other as I heard and recognized Yunho's and Yoochun's feet running around in the kitchen and the hallway. I looked down on my watch to see it was getting close to 11 pm. They're not.. going outside partying or something right?
I threw my bag down without taking off the shoes and hurried into the livingroom to see Changmin devastated as Junsu looked like he was about to break down
I soon saw Yoochun and Yunho coming from different directions and they had changed clothes. Into black clothes as we usually wear when we're out on our missions.. I then also noticed Changmin and Junsu as well
As soon as Yoochun saw me he put down his phone
"HYUNG! I'VE BEEN TRYING TO CALL YOU FOR AGES! THANK GOD YOU CAME HOME!" Yoochun said
I looked at him confused. Something isn't right
"What's wrong? Where are you going? Why are you dressed like that?" I asked and pointed at them
"Hurry and get changed" Yunho said
"Mwoh? Wae? We have a mission to do?" I asked dumbfounded
Why was I sensing that something awfully and terribly had happened?
"Hyung please just do it and hurry" Changmin pleaded
I stared at them
"What is it that you're not telling me?" I asked
I walked closer to them as they were looking at me worriedly. I for some reason looked down the hallway and I saw Minji's light in her room was on. The door was wide opened as well
Her door was never opened like that.
N e v e r
My eyes instantly changed and my fists folded as well as i looked at them intense. I didn't know if I wanted to know what had happened but I had a feeling, a small voice inside of my head were telling me it concerned Minji..
"Where is.. Minji?" I whispered, barely audible
You could hear from my tone that I almost begged for the answer
"She's gone missing Hyung.. We found her room empty just a minute ago and she's nowhere to be seen in the entire house" Yoochun said
I dropped my carkeys onto the floor and stared at them
"She's ww w h at?" I whispered, breathing out the words
"Gone. Missing.. We have to find her" Changmin said frustrated
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