| Fan Fiction |
by j.v.L
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As I was speeding up on the highway, I was silently thinking to myself. A month had already passed and it has been about 4 days ever since I left the guys... I haven't noticed, felt it, just watched it with my eyes. Days, hours, minutes and even the seconds were killing me. For every second that was passing, I felt myself growing smaller and the hate of mine growing bigger. The self blaming inside of my heart were already taking over my entire body. My mind was poisoned and I was.. at loss, with no suitable paths to pick. I was right at a crossing, confused, and just.. heartbroken. I didn't know what to do and I was still trying to find myself..
JaeJoong wasn't here.. Well he was but not.. int he way I wanted. seeing the other guys suffer, trying to keep a bright mood at home, nothing of it was worth it. I couldn't stand seeing them like that, pretending and trying to help me cause even though I appreciated their efforts, I think all of them knew that it wasn't working.
I had spent the past few weeks, training, working up the self confidence in order to fight, to defend myself and secretly when the guys didn't know, I had been watching them, observing them while driving. I was pretty lucky that I had trained my memory cause driving a car with an automatic gear box, it was a piece of cake. I even.. managed to fool Donghae to learn me when he was taking me home from the hospital . He even let me drive once and it wasn't that hard..
I know that everything that I'm doing at the moment was wrong but could you blame me? I have been trying to persuade myself that JaeJoong were coming back, that he will wake up from the coma but everyday when I visited him, seeing him always lying there in the same spot with no change, I felt the hope of mine slowly fading away
I had changed. Physically, I did become stronger but inside of me, I was still that little girl. The girl who's afraid. But I wasn't afraid of people anymore. I was fearing the time, loosing the time.. and not being able to .. be around JaeJoong anymore.
I looked at the clock as I kept driving. It was almost midnight.
This month, I have taught myself a lot. Fighting, self defense. I did know how to drive but .. I had no idea how to think and act like the guys yet. What am I talking about?
Yes, I wanted to be one of them. Help them with their missions, be one of them. I wanted to help people..
BUt the words of Yunho was echoing inside of my head when I had asked him to teach me how to handle guns..
"You can't help people if you yourself aren't completely healed.. Both on the outside and the most important.. on the inside.."
But it doesn't matter how the inside is feeling, as long as I could keep a cool attitude and act it out right?
Yunho didn't give in and sighed
I did ask him why they could do the missions then cause I knew that they were suffering as much as I was. Just in the other way..
"You're.. more fragile.. If JaeJoong wakes up and finds you doing these kinds of stuff without his approval, do you really think we wouldn't be in trouble?"
JaeJoong was my weakness and after that I decided to not argue any further.
So where am I going?
I pulled over after seeing a small break-parking lot and stopped the engine. I turned on the lights as I looked down on my outfit. Completely black and the black high heels were kinda cool. My hair was tied back, making me look a bit.. more mature and.. professional for some reason. The female version of the guy..
I looked at the black gloves I had as well and then I stared down at the black weapon I had inside my booth.
I stole that gun and by now the guys must have noticed it.. wouldn't they?
I gave out a heavy sigh as I looked at the papers. I looked at the navigator showing me that it was only 20 minutes by car before I would arrive.
Yes, I was on my way to my hometown. To my.. house..
My memory came back but I didn't tell the guys. I kept it to myself, pretending like I've always have but I was secretly planning to make this trip behind their backs. I didn't want them to come. This is my past and I wanted to deal with it. I had been going through JaeJoong's stuff when I once went inside his room. I had found it under his bed, in a box when I was crying and missing him.
All kinds of questions had popped up inside of my head when I had found the papers. Was he planning on telling me? Did the other guys know?
I don't know cause I didn't ask. Kibum and Yunho would immediately figure out then that I was planning on doing something and I guess that would make it harder for me to even sneak out.
I remembered EVERYTHING and .. I believe that all of the questions I had inside of my head would disappear if I just.. visited my house. What had happened back then and if.. there was any possibility for me to find my sister..
The hate I had towards Mr L was big. Huge.. Tremendous . I was deeply overwhelmed and happy that Kibum had killed him but now when I was thinking about my own strength. If I had learned all these stuff that I know now, i would have been able to kill him myself. He destroyed my family..
I speeded up once more on the highway as I felt myself getting angrier. I wanted.. to.. do something. I don't know what but something.
"About 150 feet further, please turn right"
The navigator's voice was annoying but this was the only thing I could think of as help. I didn't dare to ask any of the guys cause they would figure it out and if I asked, Kyuhyun, Donghae or Siwon.. Well they would have helped the guys to stop me..
I soon pulled over as I arrived at the countryside, seeing the forest close to the abandon white house a little further. It was dark and spooky but I didn't care. I wanted to look at it. No one could possibly be here at this hour..
I got out of the car as I closed my eyes and listened to the surroundings.
Nothing
I opened my eyes again as I checked the gun inside my booth and I took out another gun and put it on the belt around my waist. I grabbed the flash light and grabbed the papers as I slowly made my way towards the small house.
The windows were broken into pieces, the high grass almost covering it.
Dead flowers here and there and a few furniture that was destroyed now because of the rain
I stopped to look at the house. Was this really the house I once lived in?
I took out the picture and compared it to the picture and to the house in front of me. It is the exact same one just that this one was now destroyed since no one lived here but the house in the picture looked.. warm. Having a loving feeling to it.
I folded my fist around the flash light as I started to walk towards the house. I looked at everything I could see. I looked at the door that was smashed and broken. The doorknob was hanging down and I could feel the cold wind wrapping itself around me, having my spine feeling chills.
I opened the broken door carefully and entered the abandon house. Glass pieces from the windows and the bowls, plates and cutlery was spread allover the floor. The wool and the pillows, blankets, the shelf, the tables.. everything was smashed.
Some grass had started to grow inside this house as well, plants and dirt were allover the floor and the walls, it was pretty much mushroom growing on it..
The smell was hard to handle but I didn't care. My eyes were more focused and my heart was beating so fast that I had no idea what to do. I soon entered the livingroom and I found myself having a deja vu. A memory was being remembered. For some reason I managed to imagine the small tv we once had and the dark brown couch that was in front of it. I managed to imagine my sister watching a cartoon as I was sitting right next to her playing with my doll.
My actions were taken over by the memories that was flooding inside of me. Automatically I walked into the kitchen That once were nice and had a mom feeling to it. I could picture mom standing by the stove cooking.. Wearing the dress she loved and having the blue apron that dad had given to her as a gift..
I swallowed hard..
Dad..
"So you finally came back home"
A dark voice, hoarse and sounding a bit terrifying was speaking. I spun around with the gun pointing at him as I flashed him in the face. His hair was gray, his clothes dirty and shattered. I felt myself loosing the concentration as I stared at him. He had dark and deep brown eyes and a scar across his neck. His clothes made him look like a prisoner. .
"Welcome home daughter"
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