| Fan Fiction |
by Kinra
Right after she was so strong her body collapsed lifelessly. I took her in my arms, not because she looked so fragile, I was the one, who needed to hold onto something. As soon as her body pressed to mine I felt more secure, safer, knowing that she won’t run away, won’t vanish like a dream.
But fear that this life will take me to hell didn’t disappear. Despite that she was with me, I knew that guilt soon will wind round my throat, making me choke. Everything was my fault. Because of me, of my selfishness, Changmin tried to kill himself.
I wanted to have her just for myself and now, look how far this went.
-Hyung, we are going after ambulance,-I heard how Junsu whispered.
-Okay… I’m going too, she has to have a check up or something, - I muttered.
I came outside again. But it felt completely different from the first time. The night broke onto us, spilling all the gloom on our already heavy shoulders. I looked to the few stars that still remained still in the dome of heaven, left alone to shine for others, to overcome night, so that life would be easier to perceive for us down here. But this time morning was coming with even more sadness… Sirens were still howling, with every scream ripping the silence into pieces. Despite that, we followed the sound. Lights were coming and vanishing from my sight, making me realize how fast life is going past me. It was easy to end it, to stand on the edge and cut all the ties.
Hard to stay, harder to leave and again, life is leaving us with no choice as to flow with the wave, not knowing where it’ll take us.
White corridors illuminated by fluorescent lamps blinded my eyes for a second, but as we got used to the smell of medicine that covered us, it was easier to adjust to the brightness too. These weren’t the only two reasons why I hated hospitals the most. The worst thing was that every time you come to hospital, it’s not for good reason.
As we walked through corridors everyone’s eyes turned on us. But I didn’t care. I concentrated on my steps, trying to walk straightly towards the intensive care wards.
-Changmin, - I heard Alex muttering.
-He’s okay, dear, he’s okay,-I whispered.
She slowly opened her eyes.
-He has to wake up, - she said as tear rolled down her cheek.
-He will. Just let him rest a bit. Let me take you to the doctor now, - I said.
-No, I won’t go until I’ll see him,-she said getting free from my grip.
-But you have to, you fainted…
-I won’t go until I’ll see him, - she replied.
-Okay, but we still have to wait; - I said and sat on the chair.
Everyone was silent for the past hours; we lost the sense of time; only a clock with metal arrows was ticking, counting our time in never ending circle. Suddenly the blows that I counted were interrupted by fast steps and I saw a nurse coming closer to us.
-Are you relatives of that man?
-Yes. No, we are friends, - Yunho stood up.
-Then I’m afraid I can not tell you anything, I need to contact with his family, - she said coldly.
-But we are like family, we live together, - Yunho said hopelessly.
-Have you seen the accident? - She asked.
-Yes…
-What happened? How’s he? - Yoochun asked.
-Combined Drug Intoxication or CDI, also known as Multiple Drug Intake,sometimes reported as a simple "overdose". He mixed some drugs that together can make a toxic reaction; moreover he added alcohol and got a heart failure. Nowadays it’s quite common, he would have been dead already if someone hadn’t revived him. First minutes after patient looses conscious are the most important, because usually when medics arrive it’s already impossible to revive a person.
But don’t worry, he’s quite lucky and now is sleeping like a baby. You may see him.
I watched at everyone and saw their teary eyes. Their expressionless faces all of a sudden rose thousand miles higher above the clouds. I saw how tears of happiness left their eyes and couldn’t stand but cry myself.
-He’s okay!-Junsu screamed and hugged Yoochun, -You saved him, A! From now on you are officially an angel; - Junsu kissed Alex’s cheek with tears rolling down his face.
He was right, if not for her, then I don’t know how everything would have turned out, and I’m glad not to know…
-You know, Junsu, first time in your life you’re right, we really owe you, Alex…and I’m sorry for being an asshole, dork, idiot or whatever else you want to call me, because I deserved it, really, forgive me,- Yunho said.
-Oh, just shut up, of course you’re forgiven, now lets go to him, - Alex said and headed to the door.
I remained still in the same position as other four people disappeared behind the door leaving me just with the ticking clock. No one cared about me at the time and I was glad about it, because it wasn’t so difficult to slip away. I couldn’t enter the room and see Changmin lying on the bed lifeless. I couldn’t let the traitor in, a thief who was stealing happiness from others…
I didn’t notice that my feet took me somewhere else until I faced deadlock at the end with huge French windows. There was no track of the night anymore; the darkness was replaced with light brought by rising dawn. Is it that easy to wash away all the sins, hide them under bright blanket and just watch that nothing would slip away?
-It’s not your fault, - I heard Yunho saying.
-It doesn’t matter if it is or isn’t…someone has to take responsibility.
-Yeah, and it’s Changmin. I’m sure he wasn’t going to commit suicide, it was an accident.
-An accident to overdose, an accident to swallow a dozen of drugs?!
-JaeJoong-ah, listen to me…I know I was wrong, but…Changmin asked me for that stuff. It isn’t dangerous to drink few pills if you have insomnia, I didn’t thought that he had more, maybe he thought they won’t work on his numb head so he mixed them… anyway, if you want something to blame, you can blame just me and him, you’re not in the list, so get the fuck off with your nonsense. By the way, Alex is looking for you, you shouldn’t leave her alone. She’s strong, but she won’t be able to handle everything on her own, you have to take care of her.
-Since when do you think about her like that?
-Since tonight actually, but it doesn’t really matter. Didn’t I already admit that I was wrong? Why you have to grieve me again? You were right; like all of you were…she’s cool. But I had basis to doubt about her, face it.
-Fine, - I said knowing that my battle was already lost.
-You do not change, do you? - Yunho laughed, - Still a fragile girl that I have to take care of.
-You…
But I didn’t end the sentence because two strong arms hugged me tightly. It was a long time since I hugged Yunho, everyday it felt like we are more and more distant, but now it seemed that the times, when we lied together on the rooftop sharing everything with each other, were just yesterday.
-Don’t forget that I’m always by your side, - he patted my hair.
-You too, - I smiled, - you don’t have to isolate yourself like old psycho guy
-Oh shut up, until you don’t need medical treatment! - He punched me and I laughed giving up to this careless moment of joy, forgetting all that was behind me.
Our ways parted as Yunho headed to the exit and I came back to the door, which I didn’t dare to open at first. I focused on the view behind me, trying to calm down and prepare for what waited me few inches away from the wall. But when I pushed down the handle, whispering voices weren’t the only thing that surprised me…