| Fan Fiction |
by Kinra
I was sitting on hard chair, watching two big eyes beside me. I know he wants to know the truth, and I wasn’t fair doing this. But how can I say something like this…something that I never had said before.
I think how it should sound, I think of every word my mouth would leave, but when I face him, I’m just not able to let the sounds from my throat. Like I’m waiting for the right moment, but actually it will never come. I will never be ready, so there’s even no point in waiting here… in this white wintry space. My hand clenched metal chair clubs, proving me that instead of warm blood, fear was running through my veins. If I say it, wouldn’t it sound like a statement, which I won’t be able to change anymore, which will make me hopeless again…?
After those two minutes of praying passed in restroom, I grabbed the test and ran away like complete idiot, but was he really that naïve to think that I’ll show it to him not knowing myself at first. Of course I needed to prepare, to imagine what I would say, and to make my reaction quite human like. But I guess I already failed.
While I was running I saw two red lines on the small screen, and my knees got weak. So now I’m sitting on this uncomfortable chair, tightly holding the test in my hands. Soon JaeJoong was beside me, I felt his fast breaths; but he didn’t say a word, and watched me, waiting for my response.
But I wasn’t even sure if he should care about it. We always were protective, except for today of course. So how is it possible to find out that you have something inside you? On the other hand, I slept just with two men; both of them could be precedents for this grand prize. But actually I didn’t want to know from whom it was, how could I? What I would do if it wouldn’t be Jae’s? I mean what do I do even if it is his?! Who invented this baby thing anyway?! Everything was perfect, well almost perfect, and now this thing came up, totally paralyzing my brain.
-Alex…
No, please don’t speak to me; I hugged my knees hiding my head.
-Let me tell you a story,- he spoke again taking my hand,- Once there was a guy, but he was no ordinary guy, he had his supernatural powers and was very cool, he was like alpha, the leader, because he was the one who created and build up everything with his own sweat. But once he realized that there’s no meaning for him to create stuff, because there’s no one who could enjoy everything, and see how cool he was, so he decided to create a human, actually two of them. He thought that they were the best thing he could have ever done, so he even gave them names, and took care of them once in a while.
-JaeJoong, are you talking about God?
- I didn’t want it to be so obvious, but well, yeah. What I want to say is that…God was special right? No one had such abilities, to create, to bring a new life to this world, and even name it… Don’t you feel special, Alex? You have power to give birth; do you realize how huge is that? Don’t you feel like it really is a miracle, that you have something saint and goddess. That you can create a brand new world? Ever since I remember myself I always dreamed to have a happy and loving family that would always be there for you. Doesn’t it already make your life meaningful enough? To take care of people you love and feel how they bring joy into your life? I guess I really would feel like God then, like alpha, which already has everything, every worth treasure…So please, I beg you, stop this torture, and tell me, Alex, will you make my dream come true?
One tear rolled down his cheek. Was he happy? Maybe angry or sad? Did I make him cry? I wanted to disappear into thin air, but how could I leave him in this misery, how could I leave my savior, my angel, my love…
Is this is what family is: meaning, dreams and love?
Then how can I take it away from him?
I opened my palm and nodded twice, showing him bright red plus.
I couldn’t say anything, and I knew, neither could he. We both were staring at that test like two idiots, crying for nothing.
-I hope those tears are from happiness, - I said and hugged him tightly.
-Happiness can’t describe what I’m feeling now, - he simply replied holding me even tighter.
Without saying a word he lifted me up high in the air, and started spinning in circle, leaving all my gears on the ground. Is this what you meant, JaeJoong? Feeling… higher?
-Hey, me too, me too! - I saw Junsu jumping on the ground.
-You’ll have to wait for your flight, - I shouted to him not wanting to let go of Jae’s shoulders, of my family.