| Fan Fiction |
by Kinra
_____________________________________________________________________________
getting tired of walking, the rain that began to fall
I chase after the rabbit I couldn't catch
your eyes are like the clear water
breathing deep down in the ocean
call me, call me, I'm here
where can I go, to where, so that I'm satisfied?
let's go home, when tomorrow comes
will I be laughing saying that it's all ok?
call my name, call me, I'll embrace you
so close your eyes and remember those innocent times
you filled the parts I lacked in
because I was able to forget even sad feelings
I'm not afraid
lying, and regretting that
I became an adult someday
getting humiliated, sweating
but the reason for me to continue dancing
is burning, burning my soul and screams
if I continue, continue to open it I can be saved
________________________________________________________________________________
I watched how doctor was healing her broken body, leaving hems and bandages. But her face expression never change. She remained starring through the window, when doctor asked “What do you feel here?” or “This might hurt a lot”. I think she didn’t feel anything, like it was her soul that was damaged, not her body. We felt that she changed, but yet we didn’t dare to say anything, because we knew it was our fault.
-We are done; this is all I can do for now. Your wife is lucky, mister, she’s very strong, injuries didn’t affect fetus, but still you shouldn’t hike in the mountains anymore, this period is extremely important, so you should take a good care of her next time,- doctor said to me.
-Yeah…Thank you, - I said awkwardly because of those lies I told him.
He gave me the medicine and left us alone in my sister’s room. Somehow I thought this place should be the safest for now.
-Tell me what you know, - Alex suddenly spoke.
-Actually I wanted to wait for others, but I have no idea where they’re gone.
-I think I waited enough, - she said coldly and I knew she was right.
I sit beside her on the corner of bed thinking how to start. But I couldn’t concentrate my thoughts. She was sitting right here with me, with her arms brushing her stomach, and I wanted to embrace her, make her feel safe, but that wasn’t in my authority. So I just had to fix my attention somewhere else and begin the story, which seemed so complicated and irrational.
-Everything begins the day we met, - I started, - Already at that time there were paparazzi photos, which reached our managers table, before we knew it. So from the beginning he was informed that I was seeing someone.
-And what’s wrong with seeing someone? - She asked.
-Maybe in someone’s normal life it isn’t wrong, but in ours…We have the contract, it’s like our law, and if we break it, we have to pay. Once there was a time when Junsu had a girlfriend, but he had to give up on her, because manager told him to, but of course he didn’t, and he got beaten up, while the girl got missing. He never speaks about that, but Yoochun saw it and told us, that’s why we were in fear of relationship, but then you shoved up, and I couldn’t do anything as just follow you wherever you go…Yunho says that the contract doesn’t allow us to date, because our fans may be dissatisfied, then the profits fall, and we had to be the perfect boy band that everyone would fall for. Besides sometimes we had to date celebrities, or make scandals…so obviously manager was absolutely against our relationships and everything else that might not bring him money. Especially after that incident with my health, he was gone mad, and since Yunho was our leader he had to take the responsibility, that’s why he came back home with bruises…I think that’s why he didn’t accept you at first, he knew this might happen.
I turned to face her. But again, I wasn’t able to read her thoughts, because her gaze was concentrated on the window. Small rain drops were streaming down the glass. Finally it stopped raining…
-Why you didn’t quit it? - She finally asked.
-Do you think we didn’t want to? We can not break the contract, because we would have to pay billions, which we don’t have, in such case, we would become criminals. So we decided to wait. But JaeJoong was against it, he begun to save up those money. He was accepting every offer, every job, working 24/7. And even if it seems impossible, he already has a lot. So if we would sell all our property, we would be able to pay and be free. But we needed a bit more time to go away without any scandals, and to get to other companies and jobs, that it wouldn’t leave us completely without anything. And I don’t know if I should say this…but JaeJoong wanted to give you everything, that’s why he didn’t agree, to go to the court until he’ll have a proper place for you. That why we had to hide the fact that you exist every way we could…
-That includes fucking other girls?-She asked.
-Well…If you mean Tiffany, she’s manager’s niece. And she always was ready to do anything for JaeJoong. I know this may seem like we don’t respect women, but we had no other choice as to use her, because she could get to all information that manager had in his hands.
-But when we came back home after our routine, - I continued, - we find out that you aren’t there. JaeJoong had a bad flair about this. So we started looking for you…
-After one day of search, we still had no clue where were you…Yunho was the only one of us who had many friends in streets, and you know those friends grew up…You should imagine what they become into. Starting from lawyers to hired professional killers…So he wanted to ask their help. But when we decided to check on SM building, we accidentally ran into one of those guys Yunho knew. So we asked his help and showed him your picture, and he said that he knows were you are and that he can help.
-We thought of a plan, which was basically on that guy’s and JaeJoong’s shoulders. The point was to make them release you with their own wish, without any force. To make it seem that we don’t care about you, that you aren’t dong bang girl…That should have made them to forget about you as their enemy, but those freaks…If we weren’t informed about what they wanted to do to you, we might not got there in time, but as you see we made it, but just with plan B.
-I’m really sorry Alex, I didn’t think this could go this far…
-Should I say that it’s okay, Changmin? But you know, I can’t. Because it isn’t okay. Everything is so not fucking okay, - She answered.
- I understand, Alex-
-You understand? Do you know how it feels to almost loose a baby? To know that you’re doomed to die? To see how the person you loved turns your back to you? Do you?!
She cried. She sobbed. And I was an asshole who stared at her.
I came closer, and reached for her trembling shoulders, to hug her. I don’t know how long it was, but it seemed as we never were apart. I could still remember her sweet scent, her soft skin, and her hair in which I used to hide my face.
-I think you’re the father, Changmin, - she said crying in my embrace.
-I’m what? - I asked surprised.
-When we were in that place, there was a time when…JaeJoong, - she forced to say his name, - said that I was deceiving him, that the baby isn’t his.
-Alex…that was a lie.
-At least I thought so, - JaeJoong came in closing the door behind him.
-What do you mean?-I asked instantly.
-Well didn’t you told him, Alex?-he asked.
-Told me what?
-She doesn’t know if the baby is mine, it might be yours too. I guess I was a fool to forget that option, - JaeJoong replied with fake laugh.
-Are you serious? - I asked her.
Is this really possible that…I’m a father? That the baby she’s carrying is mine?
-We should simply do a test, - JaeJoong said like it was no big deal.
-Yeah, I’ll ask the doctor, I think I still can catch up with him, just wait a bit, - I stood up.
-There’s no need, Changmin, - Alex said.
-What do you mean, Alex? Do you already know? Did doctor already tell you? - I asked.
-No. There’s no need because I’m not going to have this baby anyway.