| Fan Fiction |
by Pretty Bitch
Title: 2/5
The title doesn’t do anything to draw in the reader, and aside from Maki and Yamapi being teachers, it doesn’t hold any relevance to the story.
Poster/Background: 6/10
The quote “How can a teacher handle two hearts at one time?” didn’t seem to sum up the story well. Since a poster is usually the first thing the reader looks at, the quote should be interesting, powerful, and fit the story. However it didn’t seem to fit the story, because Maki never actually managed two hearts at one time since she didn’t seem affected by having Jae and Yamapi like her at the same time.
Foreword: 6/10
You don’t need to mention everything you’re going to put in the story, but you failed to add in some important parts that would attract the reader. You’re forewords only seemed to introduce the first few chapters, but didn’t raise any questions about the importance of Jaejoong. It would also have been nice if you introduced Jaejoong’s character like you did with Yamapi and Maki.
Characterization: 6/15
You’re character’s were very flat at there was almost no development in them. I finished reading the story not having much of an idea of who they were. Even though Yamapi and Jae were supposed to be main characters they seemed like supporting characters, and even less was known about them.
Plot/Creativity/Originality: 8/15
The story did little to spark much interest in me, it was easy to predict the outcome of many of the situations, and some of Maki’s actions where redundant. The way the situations where set up seemed very unrealistic at times, making it feel a little sloppy.
Flow: 5/10
This story moved way to fast, and even so, you managed to drag it out a little. In the beginning things were dull and nothing much happened, and it seemed to take a while for things to pick up, but once they did it was rushed.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocab.: 8/15
You had quite a few mistakes, I noticed that you tend to add periods after quotations, use sentence fragments, had trouble with verb tense, mixing up the point of view, and mixing up pronouns.
Writing Style: 6/10
Your writing was very choppy because you moved from setting to setting before much happened. It would also be good if you were to add more detail to your sentence. Rather than something like: the train passed us, try something like: the train zoomed past us, leaving a trail of smoke snaking behind it.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/10
The story did very little to hold my attention, things went by pretty fast and it wasn’t very interesting. Had it not been for the review, I would probably not have continued to read on.
Total: 50/100