| Fan Fiction |
by Autumn Letter
There was only one light turned on in the entire house. There was no car in the drive way.
Maybe she wasn't home.
When I got to her door. I knocked once, twice and even a third time, fearing that she wasn't here. I balled my hands into fists as I heard the mechanics of the door opening. And there she was standing there, black hair framing her pretty pale face, her arms were crossed in front of her chest, not in a agressive way but more in a defensive gesture.
She didn't say anything. So we just stared at each other.
Then she cried.
And I cried.
And we hugged.
This did not mean that I was okay with her; it only meant that I forgave her.
She stepped aside motioning me to come in. This was the first time in a long time that I've been here. The floors were sleek and shiny and my feet were slippery against the tiles, following her through the narrow corridor. She turned on lights as we passed rooms, filling the home with a new warmth.
The living room had a small fire going on in the fireplace. There was a blanket crumpled up on the sofa, it's long corner drooping to the floor. A photo album was sitting on the coffee table.
Before I came she must have been here alone looking through photographs.
"Is this him?" I ask quietly pointing to a picture in the album.
"Yeah."
"I'm sorry." I say.
She says sadly, "You're lucky."
"I know."
We sit side by side and she turns a page. Mina smiles to herself and I could see it in the corner of my eye.
"I forgive you." I say, "But i'm still angry."
"I know."
There was no tension now. Just a faded atmosphere in the room. A hazy perspective on life.
"He really liked to play the piano." She said pointing to a picture. The boy in the picture had his back turned to the photographer but you could clearly see his toned back muscles flexing, "He played with his whole body, not just his fingers. It was beautiful."
There were no pictures that you saw his face as a whole. I figured he didn't like cameras much.
"I'm sorry for bringing up painful memories but... how did he--"
"Die?" She finished. Mina let out a small chuckle, "I killed him."
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
There was a knock at the door.
'Who could it be this time?' I thought. The door opened quietly as Yoochun came in.
"Hey bro. How you doin'?"
I broke the plastic spoon in my hands, "You asked me that a million times already! I'm not answering again!" I growled.
"Hey, calm down Jae." Yoochun put a finger to his chin as he looked up to the ceiling in thought, "I could make a song out of that..." And then Yoochun left the room singing : "Hey! Calm down Jae!"
"Idiot." I cursed under my breath.
I scratched my head feeling the honey coloured stands in my fingers, "that BoA..." I muttered, "where did that girl get to?"
There was another knock at the door and Junsu comes in with Changmin trailing behind.
"You can leave the hospital, you're checked out now," Changmin says with a slight smile on his face.
I turn my head to Junsu, "Have you found her?"
He shakes his head and sits down in the chair in front of me, "Jaejoong, listen, I know you want to see her but it's best that things end up this way. She's been through a lot, let her go off on her own and find herself."
"Bullshit."
Junsu leans back in his chair, "Jaejoong!"
"I. Want. To. See. Her. Is that too much to ask?" I exclaim throwing the broken utensils to the wall.
Junsu exhales slowly, "She doesn't want to see you."
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"I never want to go there again..." Mina finishes.
"It's not your fault." I say.
"Of course it's my fault!" Mina screams, "If I hadn't run away to Paris in the first place, he wouldn't have... he... wouldn't...!" Then she broke down in front of me, tears streaming down her face, black mascara running.
In the fit of her crying Mina mutters words: "I thought... we needed to be apart...!" She screams again, her voice reaching frightening pitches, "I thought... it would be better.... if we never saw each other again...!" Mina grabbed tissues from the coffee table, "I didn't think he'd follow me all the way to Paris. I was so mad when I saw him there. So mad...! I pushed him. Onto the road... And he got hit!"
I began trembling.
"In an instant he was dead. It was like he...exploded; I felt his blood all over me." She crossed her arms then scratched her foreams while bringing her hands together.
"Mina..." I whined cupping my mouth with my hands.
"BoA," She says quietly now, "Don't make the same mistake I did, okay? I'm done now, he's yours, Jaejoong he's--" She closed her eyes and tears emereged, "Kim Jaejoong, he's all yours."
In those few moments of hysteria, my whole life had been changed. This once tranquil moment had been a shaken and already my mind was set.
How could Mina live with this on her back? Watching him die like that, being the one who... did that to him.
I left the house, holding my phone in my hand, "Shit." I mutter as the only light source in my hand was dying down, the phone said: Low battery.
My Jaejoong.
Where could I find him?
Where could he be?
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
In the car, Yoochun blasts the music and my thoughts are drowned. I'm going crazy.
"Let me drive!" I yell.
They don't listen to me and I abruptly reach for the wheel and turn it. Changmin and Junsu let out a yelp in the back seat. The car swerves and a few honks are heard from behind us.
Yoochun finally turns the music down, "What the hell are you doing? Are you out of your mind?"
"Let me drive!"
"Hyung!" Changmin pouts a hand on my arm and I pull it back, "You still need to rest!"
"I know what I need!" I yelled, "Let me drive or else!"
I stare at them and they stare back at me. They look reluctant.
"Alright," I announce, unlocking the door. I brace myself then open it and jump out of the moving car.
"HYUNG! JAEJOONG!"
----
I'm crazy, I know. But... she's making me go crazy.
I roll, crashing through a snow bank and it's pitch black. It's night and all I could hear was traffic of the cars. Slowly I pick myself up and limp towards a phonebooth. I pat my pockets but there's no change on me.
"Fuck." I curse.
What now? There is a blinding pain in my side and I start to realize jumping out of a moving car wasn't the best idea in my position.
"Argg!" I let it out, feeling the pain course through me. I press my back up against the transparent wall of the booth. Now, I realize I have to move, to get away. Yoochun would drive back looking for me.
"I need to find her.' I chant to myself as if it was the only thing left to live for, "BoA..."
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
It's freezing. The bus was taking way longer then I expected. I needed to get going! The sun had set and it's night time now. The snow reflected some light brightening the path way for me as I trudged through the snow on my search to find the next stop.
The streets were busy, cars driving back and forth. Street lights flashing. It was like an accident was waiting to happen.
All I could see was the fear that struck Mina as she was telling the story. It must have been extremely heartbreaking reliving it.
I needed to see him again; at least just one more time.
Mr. Lee told me to make things right. Mina told me to not make the same mistake she did.
Finally, in my last night here, there's only one more thing left to do.
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Walking with my hands in my pocket, I didn't even bother to zip up my jacket. Something told me I was going to find her, she was here somewhere. I know it. I sighed. I'm an idiot, how could I make her suffer like that? She probably thought that I choose the guitar over her. Everytime I close my eyes I still see the expression on her face when she left the hospital room.
Not even a single goodbye.
I curse to myself, "Jaejoong, you idiot."
She probably hates me, she probably never wants to see me again.
In the distance I see someone walking down my way. It's so dark. But at the same time that person looked so familiar. I move faster and faster.
The person has long hair and in the sillouhette, it's blowing in the wind the way BoA's did...
"BoA!" I yell so loud I scare myself, "BoA!"
It's her, it really is!
"BoA!" I try my hardest to get to her. Without waiting for the light I began to run across the road fearing nothing. Cars skim me, honking and skidding to stops as I cut in front of them.
"BOAAA!"
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
My head snaps up.
"JAEJOONG?!"
I see him, and my heart beats like crazy. He's running across the street. That idiot, he's gonna get hit! I pick up my feet and start running. My heart is beating so fast I think I might just die. The icy wind scratches at my skin making them red and cold.
"Don't get hurt...!" I chant as I run to him.
The space is getting shorter between us and I wanted to be with him so bad. I want to touch him, his face, his hair. Everything about him made me crazy.
Right now, Jaejoong is half way in the road. I witness a turning car. It tries to stop... but I can see that it can't.
He's gonna get hit. My heart races, my adrenaline kicks in.
'No way!, No freakin' way!'
I yell in my hysteria, "Jaejoong! MOVE!"
This couldn't be happening; the car is coming at him at full speed. I could barely see anything; the darkness and the flurries of snow that began to fall was my handicap so I decide in that split second to follow my instincts.
I push myself off the sidewalk and dart to Jaejoong. I spring off the ground with all my might. It was just like slow motion. All I could hear was the long exhausted beep of the car. I was blinded by the car's head lights. The moment my hands landed on his chest pushing him out of the way was when I felt complete relief. He was safe.
The car skims me; any later and I would have been hit directly.
I cling onto his shirt as we hit the ground and roll out of the way.
What I did was reckless and it was probably luck that save us. Jaejoong and I remained in the deep snow, me on top of him, cluching onto his sweater, never wanting to let him go. I feel
his hand on my head, the other hand on my back. And we stay like that.
Suddenly, the road goes quiet and I could hear his heartbeat with my ear at his chest.
"BoA..." he whispers, "I'm sorry."
Oh, how I've missed his voice. I shake my head. And the tears start. And so does the anger.
Slowly and shakily we get up, helping each other balance onto our own two legs.
I punch him.
His face moves abruptly with my fist and my whole body turns from the force. He's taken by surprise and he holds that pose, his face shielded by strands of hair. Slowly Jaejoong brings a hand to his cheek and puts it over the spot of where I hit him.
"Jaejoong ah," I say and take his face in my hands to examine the damage that I did, "I'm sorry, Jaejoong." I get on my tippy toes and kiss him on that spot.
He chuckles, "I missed you."
"Missed you too."
There's an awkward silence and we just look at each other.
"You know," he starts, "that really hurt."
I laugh then he does too.
"But... I guess I deserved that." Jaejoong smiles softly and pulls me into an embrace, "I promise, you don't have to worry about anything now. I'll take care of it all."
"Your guitar." I blurt out. It has been nipping at my conscience for quite a long time now.
"I'm sorry," he says, "That guitar that Mina planted in your locker. It's a fake. I over reacted and--"
I pull back from him, wanting to see his face, "Then where was yours the whole time?"
"Changmin and um," he grunts upon saying this name, "...Kim bum found it in Mina's car."
"But didn't Kim know that the guitar in my locker was a fake?"
"Apparently Mina didn't tell him everything. She acted on her own."
I sigh in relief. We start walking and I know there's a park near by.
"From now on, BoA, I promise with all my heart to take care of you. Nothing gets past me." Jaejoong's face is stern. He's serious, "You are my future. Let's finally be together."
When we reach a bench, I brush off the snow and sit.
It felt like I was holding my breath but I decided that this was the time to let it out.
"Jaejoong," I smile softly, the tears beginning, "I'm going far away..."
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
That night I locked the door to my home for the last time and held grandma's hand.
"Are you ready?" I ask her. She seems half asleep.
I came home later than expected because of my run in with Jaejoong. Grandma fell asleep waiting for me.
The cab waits for us at the corner. The driver comes out and helps us with our stuff. When everything is loaded I turn around face my home and take a deep breath. "Goodbye." I whisper.
"Where are you headed?" The driver asks.
"The airport please."
As we drive away I feel the weight of everything just... disappear.
I've said my last goodbyes, there's no turning back.
Goodbye mom.
Goodbye dad.
Goodbye grandpa...
Bye Yeon hee, Seul gi...
Kim Bum, Mr. Lee...
Goodbye Mina.
We've reached the airport and it's bright in comparison to the night. I hold on onto grandma's hand. We find our way through the busy crowds trying to catch their flight.
Hello Jaejoong.
He's waiting at the gate, a huge smile on his face and his luggage at his side. Never in my life have I been so sure. Right now, despite all the people around us, I only see him. His flawlessness, his charisma and light.
I hug him.
"Took you long enough," he said.
"We're here now." I say.
A flight attendant took grandma ahead onto the plane. Jaejoong and I need a moment.
The huge windows displayed the falling snowflakes.
"Is it snowing in Paris too?" I ask jokingly.
The announcer on the speaker says: "this the final boarding call to Paris, France."
Jaejoong smiles, "I guess we'll see wouldn't we?"
He leanes in and kisses me.
As we pull apart, he whispers into my ear: "I love you."
This is it.
"...I love you too, Kim Jaejoong."
End.