| Fan Fiction |
by Autumn Letter
I ran, I ran so fast my feet were in pain.
And then...
It rained, it rained so hard my own tears were camouflauged.
'Of course,' I thought, 'I knew this would happen. I'm a joke and he's laughing at me.'
I began to slow down as I saw the light of the cafe. I saw my friends sitting with each other talking happily through the window.
'Should I go in.. or...'
Seul gi's head turned towards the window and she saw me. Her expression told me she was surprised. She stood up without taking her eyes off me and tapped Yeon hee's shoulder.
I began walking towards the shop. Yeon hee turned my way and then reached for an umbrella.
The rain was getting into my eyes and I closed them for a few seconds. When I opened my eyes, Yeon hee and Seul gi were running to come get me.
"BoA! BoA!" I heard the sound of the rain hitting against the umbrella over head.
"Oh my goodness, are you okay?" Yeon hee gave me a light push and we walked into the cafe.
-------
"Don't tell me," Seul gi said, "Mina-bitch?"
I nodded.
"I'm going to end her."
"...but, Jaejoong... he... and Mina..." I couldn't take the thought of it and I began to cry again.
Yeon hee came back with tea and some cookies, "Your soaked, take off your jacket and dry off, okay?" They helped me peel of the clothing that clung to me.
Seul gi sniffed the air, "I smell soysauce."
I cried more.
They looked at each other, not knowing what to do with me. I couldn't blame them; I wouldn't know what to do with myself either. I wrapped my fingers around the tea cup. It was so warm just like Jaejoong's hand when he placed it on my knee yesterday.
-------
"What am I going to do...?" I sobbed after telling them the story.
"BoA, I think it's best if you just leave him. Guys like that are sketchy. Like c'mon, he's rich and he can get any girl he wants; he's probably playing Mina too."
"Yeah," Seul gi agreed,"Who would want to go out with Mina?"
I didn't feel any better. I bit my tongue and felt the pain pulse through, "I have to go home."
It was more than the fact that Jaejoong was dating Mina. He kissed her. His lips. Her skin. Jaejoong seemed... stained. He had Mina's mark on him and no matter how hard he'd try to rub it away, it would never ever disappear.
"Just stay BoA," Seul gi pleaded, "We'll talk about it."
I shook my head, not wanting to say anything else.
I left the store walking aimlesly, like a drunk with no where to go. When I looked around, I realized how dark it was now. It was still raining all around me but I noticed a part of the sky that wasn't covered by clouds. I watched closely.
A light flew past. A shooting star. In my surprise I stopped walking, clasped my hands together and made a silent wish.
It was amazing how a little star could bring so much hope. I found myself walking home feeling way better than I felt at the coffee shop.
I thought about dancing.
I thought about my friends.
I thought about music.
I thought about cutting Jaejoong out of my life. Forever.
Upon getting home I took the batteries out of my new cell phone and put it in the bottom of the drawer. I locked it and threw the key somewhere hoping I would never find it.
I checked on grandpa and crossed grandma in the hallway.
"All done work? You must be tired," said my grandmother.
"I am," I said truthfully.
"Get some sleep, okay? You have school tomorrow."
"Yes, grandma."
There was a moment when I looked out my window just watching as the rain tapped the window. I closed my eyes and in my tranquility, I wished my wish again...
...I wished to find the strength to let go.
I turned my laptop on and opened my sound program. My voice hadn't entirely recovered but I sang.
"It's alright, It's okay..." I sang to myself.
I knew it was going to be difficult and it's going to hurt more, but all it takes is will and a strong heart.
"...With a sincere heart of hoping that I will earn the wisdom of forgetting you..." (Translation, BoA - My prayer.)
____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
I slept soundly and awoke to the sun shining through the window. It was a monday. I got dressed and made myself look good. If I looked good, I felt good. There was no losing to Mina. And in 30 minutes I was off to school.
---
I tried avoiding Yeon hee and Seul gi at school because I was afraid they'd keep talking about it. Part of letting go is forgetting and I didn't need that reminder. I passed a few people in the hallway and waved hello. They were smiling. I was smiling.
I went to class and I was focused and ready to learn. I understood the assignment.
At lunch I disappeared into the library. I finished the homework for tonight.
It was a good day.
It was a day without Jaejoong and I could live like this. Without him.
When it was time for writer's craft, I came in laughing and conversing with some people from my morning class. I saw from the corner of my eye Mina's smug expression.
Without her in my world, life would be much easier. But when Mina realized I didn't look sad or depressed from her actions with Jaejoong last night, she seemed to back away a little. The walls were rebuilding, I was getting my strength back.
During class, Mr. Lee talked about our projects for the end of the semester, how we did on our vocab tests last week and about our musical guest, Hero Jaejoong.
I cringed, it kind of hurt.
"So Mina," said Mr. Lee in front of the class, "How is it coming along with Hero?"
"Perfect!" Mina chimed, "We're having so much fun, and everything is falling into place."
Bitch.
Never mind, it hurt a lot.
I bit my lip and crumpled up some paper in my lap. 'You'll get over it.' I told myself.
Class ended and I was so relieved. I ran to my locker and grabbed my volunteer vest and ran out of the school to catch the bus. The 33 bus came right away and I hopped on. On the way I listened to my Ipod and zoned out. Maybe I fell asleep.
Tap...Tap..
I snapped back.
"Hey," came a voice beside me.
"Oh! Hey Junsu, haven't seen you in forever!"
He laughed, "Yeah, I've been kind of busy."
"Have you talked to Yeon hee?" I asked, thinking of her, "Junsu, please, tell me what happened."
He looked away and sighed.
I turned to him, "I know you Junsu, we've been friends since elementary. Your not the kind of guy to do this to Yeon hee or anybody."
"It's, um, complicated."
"I can keep up," I said thinking of my own twisted life. It wasn't so average anymore.
Junsu shook his foot as he sat with his leg bent over his knee.
"Okay, I have this friend and he's, ah, seeing this girl right now. But something came up and my friend asked if I could... distract her...? And so I did him a favour and... started 'pretend' dating her. It was all out of the blue. And when I tried to tell Yeon hee about the situation, we got into a huge argument and... you know the rest."
"Oh..." I said in a whisper, "Are you still 'pretend' dating that girl?" I think I knew who it was.
Junsu shook his head, "No, she found out about it and went back to him. The plan back fired."
It was quiet for a bit.
"Tell Yeon hee I'm sorry and that I love her, okay? She might not forgive me but..." I saw tears but he blinked them away, "be a good friend and tell her for me, okay?"
"Of course, Junsu. I will."
"Thanks."
It seems like it was all a misunderstanding. I always knew Junsu was good friend, he was a good boyfriend too. He was the Junsu I always rememebered: Loyal, funny, charismatic. I'm sure if I told Yeon hee she would understand.
"Junsu? Did you um, kiss the girl or hug her or anything?"
"I didn't even touch her."
Yeon hee would understand.
The bus stopped in front of the hospital. And Junsu stood up.
"You going to the hospital too?" I asked.
"Yeah, I have a friend in there."
"Oh, too bad. What floor?"
If Junsu's friend was on my floor, I could walk with him.
"5th floor."
Bingo.
"Hey, that's my floor. I volunteer there."
"Really?"
"Yeah."
We walked through the front entrance of the hospital and I signed in. The elevator came quick for once.
"Why did you start volunteering here? Junsu asked.
"When my grandpa got sick they took care of him here. He got better and I wanted to volunteer to show my gratitude." I said shyly.
"That's nice."
Ding! The elevator door opened to the fifth floor and we both stepped out. We walked down the hallway and Junsu waved bye to me, he entered room 9. I went to the nurses station and asked for the diet sheets. I couldn't help watching how all the nurses worked. Soon, I was going to be one of them. I looked down the list and checked off the people who could eat and those who couldn't. A few other volunteers came to help me deliver meal trays to the room.
When we got to room 9, I took the tray and entered. The room was dark and the curtains were pulled. I read the name on the tray: Park Yoochun. I heard Junsu's voice talking to the patient. I watched as their sillouhettes in the curtains matched their words.
"Yoochun ah, I'll help you sit up," said Junsu. I saw them move the bed up. I walked closer and then I heard another voice. It wasn't Yoochun's, it wasn't Junsu and then I realized it was...
"Jaejoong..." I whispered, as the three boys watched me. He pulled the curtain completely open and I was lovesick while I looked at him.
Junsu said confused, "You know him, BoA? Jaejoong's the friend I was talking about."
I looked at Junsu and nodded, not able to say anything. I put the tray down and proceeded to leave right away. Jaejoong caught my hand. And I pulled it back.
Jaejoong glared, "I tried calling you. Why didn't you pick up?"
Junsu stepped in between the both of us, "Jaejoong! BoA is the other girl?!"
"Then it's true..." I muttered, "Mina... You and Mina."
"You told her?!" said Jaejoong raging to Junsu.
"Why didn't you tell me?" I said making Jaejoong look at me instead of Junsu, "Why?"
"I... couldn't..." he said crossing his arms in front of his toned chest, "It wasn't the right time."
Right time my ass. The right time would have been before it got mixed up. Before I got all my feelings mixed up. I was angry. The patient watched, with a confused look on his face. He had a few bruises on his arms and a bandage wrapped around his head.
In the middle of the feud I turned to Yoochun and asked, "Would you like some water?"
They all looked at me.
"No thanks," came the reply.
I began to leave the room and over my shoulder I told Jaejoong: "We don't know each other anymore."