Fan Fiction |
by MetalAZNWarrior
It was a habit of Man Gwai Fei (Stephanie Che) to wander the streets after work concluded for the day at "Ka Yan" company. She wanted to make people think that she was busy and always had appointments or dates. "God! I'm so bored. I drove around Hong Kong nearly five times and it's still just 8:30 PM? Has the world stopped turning?" Gwai Fei massages her head with two fingertips. She always had a headache thinking of where to go and how she was going to fool everyone into believing she was highly pursued.
The truth, though, is that Gwai Fei is a loner. Even with her 42-inch legs, she couldn't seduce any man. She was slowly reaching forty years of age and feared that she might end up as a spinster. "I don't get it. Retarded Kitty (Yvonne Lam), mean Kelly (Bondy Chiu), slow Sugar (Yau Ching), midget Lily (Rain Lau), picky GiGi (Josephine Shum), and even the ancient Love Sister (Yu Mo Lin) all have someone to love them! Why can't I, Man Gwai Fei, with my beautiful legs and unconquerable beauty get anyone?"
Gwai Fei pulls over and opens her glove compartment. She takes out a chicken leg that she had left there the other day and begins eating it. Whenever she was upset, she would resort to eating. Her mouth and hands became greasy as she chomped on the chicken leg. She didn't bother to clean up. In fact, when people aren't watching her, Gwai Fei is quite a dirty slob. She exhales a breath of satisfaction.
"Oh no! 'Gai Dai Foon Siu' is going to be on soon, I need to rush home!" she exclaims when she notices the time. She throws out the chicken bone through her passenger's window, hitting an innocent bystander, before speeding off.
[Apartment Towers]
After parking, Gwai Fei rushes towards her house. "Oh good, I think I can make it!" She stops running when she sees someone wandering around near her house. "Oh no! Am I being stalked? Or is this a case of break-in? God, where is security?" She tries to use her cell phone, but the battery dies on her. "It's fine," she tells herself, "I can defend myself!" Gwai Fei was a black belt in tai-kwan-do.
She approaches the shadow and shouts, "What the hell do you think you're doing standing around my house? Do you know that this place is only for high-class people like myself? Judging from your appearance, you belong out on the streets with the rest of the beggars!"
"High-class?" the person (Celine Ma) laughs, "I'm not the one with grease all over my face and hands. Some high-class person you are!"
"What do you low-class people know? Stay ten feet away from me or else I'll sue you for invading private property!"
"Private property? We're standing on the pavement, not in anyone's house."
Gwai Fei notices the time and dashes off. "I'm not missing 'Gai Dai Foon Siu' because of that person," she muffles.
[Gwai Fei's Apartment]
In the middle of watching that night's episode of 'Gai Dai Foon Siu,' Gwai Fei's doorbell rings. "How dare someone mess with my enjoyment of 'Gai Dai Foon Siu'?" She tries to ignore the ringing but when she misses a joke, she is furious and opens the door, yelling, "Leave me alone! I'm sorry if I laugh too loud, but this is 'Gai Dai Foon Siu,' how can I not laugh?"
"You're my cousin?!" the person exclaims
Gwai Fei takes her eyes off of the TV set and sees the person she saw on the streets earlier that night. "What the hell? You nearly delay my viewing of the show and now you're interrupting it?"
The person takes out a photograph of Gwai Fei and compares the two. "Oh my... so you're really my cousin!" She shows her the picture.
"Are you stalking me? Who are you?"
"I'm your cousin, Man Gwai Yan."
"Man Gwai Yan?"
"Yes, I'm the daughter of your uncle, meaning your father's elder brother."
"And what do you want?"
"My father told me to come find you in Hong Kong and you'll take care of me."
"What?"
"He said that you'll take care of me."
"I can't believe it! 'Gai Dai Foon Siu' is over already. And it's all your fault! I completely missed what happened at the end. What did you say?"
Gwai Yan sighs, "My father told me to find you and that you'll take care of me."
"What do I look like? A charity? Why would I do that?"
"Because I'm your elder cousin."
"I don't even know you!"
"Call your father and you'll see."
"Is that a threat?"
Gwai Yan hands her a letter, "Your father wrote you this letter."
Gwai Fei opens it and reads, "My sweet Athena; how are you honey? I figured that you're still unmarried and not dating anyone, so I've sent Ah Yan to stay with you. Please take care of her as if she were your mother and I." She raises her eyebrows, "Am I suppose to believe this?"
"It's in your father's handwriting, isn't it?"
"My father is a doctor. All doctors have horrible handwriting."
"Cousin, stop playing around and let me in already."
"You stay out here until I get further confirmation." Gwai Fei slams the door shut in her face. She reaches for the telephone and calls her father, angry that she might have to pay for a long-distance call for a hoax. She hangs up and decides to call collect instead. "Daddy? Yes, she has arrived. Why didn't you tell me earlier? How could you send someone like that to live with your daughter? Do you know that it will do horrible damage to your daughter's high-class image? What? What do you mean no one cares about my image? I'll have you know that I have hundreds of suitors and that I'm a very busy girl! What? I'm lying? You've been spying on me?" Gwai Fei pouts and makes faces as she listens to her father's lecture. "I don't get it. Why does she have to stay with me?" Her father yells at her and orders her to care for Gwai Yan regardless.
Gwai Fei opens the door and lets Gwai Yan in. "So this is what a rich person's house is like!"
"Yeah, well don't get too comfortable," Gwai Fei bitterly remarks.