Fan Fiction |
by MetalAZNWarrior
One evening, a big package was delivered to the Kams' doorstep. It was addressed to "Wan Ying Gei." Nim Chi (Nancy Sit) took in the package with a confused look. She wonders what Ying Gei could have ordered in such a big package.
"Ma Chi, did you buy me a present?" Ah Yat (Joyce Chen) questions looking at the package.
"If anything, mother-in-law would buy presents for her lovely grandchildren. Unfortunately, she doesn't have any from you, so it has to be for us!" Ah Lo (Bondy Chiu) pushes Ah Yat aside.
"Actually," Nim Chi clarifies, "It's not my package. It's for Ah Gei."
"Sister OK?"
Ying Gei (Yvonne Lam) walks into the living room and ponders why there's a crowd around Nim Chi.
"Ah Gei!" Nim Chi calls.
"What is it?"
"This package came for you today."
Ying Gei beams at the package, "Finally! It's here!" She takes the package from Nim Chi and sets it on the coffee table.
"What did you buy sister OK?" Ah Yat excitedly asks.
"If it's not name brand, then sister OK will not buy it. So what is it? Chanel? LV bags?" Ah Lo answers.
"I got a great bargain," Ying Gei answers.
"A bargain? It doesn't seem like you to buy from the sale rack!"
Ying Gei smiles, "I'm saving up for my future family. I can't spend too much."
"So what did you buy?" Ah Yat asks again.
Ying Gei uses a knife to cut the tape on the box. She opens the box and lets Ah Yat and Ah Lo look inside.
They gasp and stare at Ying Gei, "Sister OK, are you crazy?"
"What? It was a bargain!"
"You can't be serious. What are you going to do with a whole box of birth control pills?"
Nim Chi walks over to the couch, "Birth control pills? Who's using them?"
Ah Yat, Ah Lo, and Ying Gei point their fingers at each other.
Nim Chi shakes her head and walks away.
Ah Lo raises her eyebrow, "Sister OK, I thought you're trying to get pregnant?"
Ying Gei nods.
"So why did you buy a box of birth control pills?"
"I've used them since I was in my twenties! They help to keep my period regular and light!" Ying Gei explains.
Ah Yat inquires, "You know it also interferes with pregnancy right?"
"Of course. They help me control when I want to get pregnant! Hence, they're called 'birth control.'"
Ah Lo and Ah Yat look at each other. They both ask Ying Gei in unison, "Sister OK, you know that these pills are used to prevent pregnancies, right?"
"What! That's not true! Why would they call them 'birth control' if I can't control my pregnancies?" Ying Gei demands.
Ah Lo replies, "Sister OK, these pills do maintain a consistent and light period, but they prevent pregnancies by 99%!"
"Oh my god!" Ying Gei screams. "You mean these pills have stopped me from getting pregnant?"
Ah Yat nods her head, "Sister OK, how do you expect to get pregnant when you're taking birth control pills?"
"I can't believe it! All along I thought these pills made pregnancy easier because the period is more consistent! I figured that because it was so consistent, Gam Gam and I could do it on my most fertile days and we'll have our seedling planted, but..."
Ah Lo sighs, "Sister OK, I can't believe you didn't know what these pills were for."
"Well, my doctor prescribed them to me since I was in my twenties because I complained that my irregular and heavy period was troublesome. She told me to take these pills because they would help me to control my period and then I thought..."
"Didn't you read the drug information?" Ah Yat asks.
"No..." Ying Gei says in a hushed tone.
Ah Lo looks at Ah Yat. They communicate signals through their eyes. Ah Lo says, "Don't worry, though."
"These damn pills!" Ying Gei exclaims. She grabs the box and wants to trash them. "They're the cause!"
Ah Yat grabs the box from Ying Gei, "You spent so much money on these pills! You can't throw them away."
"What am I going to do with them? They're the cause of me not getting pregnant! They need to die and burn in hell!"
Ah Lo tries to calm Ying Gei and gives her a cold glass of water, "Sister OK! It's okay. Things can be fixed. Just stop using the pills."
Ah Yat smiles, "That's right."
Ah Lo adds, "Ah Yat and I will handle these pills for you."
Ying Gei beams, "Thank you."
[Ah Yuet & Ah Lo's Bedroom]
"Sister OK is impossible!" Ah Yat sighs. "I can't believe she's trying to get pregnant and yet she hasn't stopped using her birth control pills! What kind of an idiot is she? What woman would think that birth control pills help to make them get pregnant easier?"
Ah Lo answers, "She is obviously a hopeless idiot." She looks at the box, "Fifty-fifty?"
Ah Yat shakes her head, "Second sister-in-law, you're always so greedy thinking about yourself only!"
Ah Lo replies, "What? I'm doing her a favor! If she's not going to use these, we should!"
Ah Yat pours the boxes of birth control pills onto Ah Lo's bed. "We'll need to count them to see how many there are."
Ah Lo shakes her head and points to the label on the box, "There are one hundred packets, so we'll both get fifty."
Ah Yat blushes and laughs, "Well, we'll still need to count fifty!"
"Wrong. You're counting fifty. I'll be watching." Ah Lo folds her arms and looks at Ah Yat.
Ah Yat smirks, "All right, then." She grabs two packets and counts, "One."
"What the hell? That's two!"
"I'm counting, not you. Who says I have to count by your rules? In my book, two is one and four is two!"
Ah Lo grabs some packets from the box and starts counting. She sighs, "You have to make things difficult for me!"
[Living Room]
"Ah Gei, what's wrong?" Nim Chi is concerned.
"I found out why I'm still not pregnant."
"Why?"
"It's because of those birth control pills!"
Nim Chi is surprised, "Don't tell me you've been using them too!"
"Well, I thought they made pregnancies easier because they make my period consistent... Those people need to make up better names! 'Birth control?' Ha! More like 'anti-birth control!'"
Nim Chi stares at Ying Gei in disbelief. "You're not serious..."
"They need to put warning labels and drug information on these things!"
"But they do!"
"They're too small! I can't be bothered to read it."
Nim Chi clears her throat, "Well, now you're going to stop using them, right?"
"Of course! They've been killing Gam Gam's precious seeds and making implantation impossible!"
Nim Chi flushes, "Well, I'm going to visit Sa Sa now. Good luck with 'making people.'"
"Oh, don't worry Auntie Chi! Now that I know, I will get pregnant for sure now!"
"Right."
[Gam & Ying Gei's Bedroom]
Ah Lo and Ah Yat knocks on Ying Gei's bedroom. "Sister OK."
"What is it?" Ying Gei asks opening the door.
"This bill was in the package."
"Damn these people!" Ying Gei pushes the bill away.
"You ordered them. It's your bill."
"I refuse to give money to people who made stuff that killed my babies!"
"Uh, sister OK, birth control isn't abortion pills," Ah Yat says.
"They're the same thing! If it wasn't for them, I would have gotten pregnant long ago!"
Ah Lo rolls her eyes, "Just take the bill and pay for it."
"No!" Ying Gei refutes.
Ah Yat throws the bill into the bedroom and dashes away with Ah Lo.
Ying Gei sighs as she picks up the bill. Not only were Ah Lo and Ah Yat good arguers, they were also good partners when it came to taking advantage of others. Ying Gei closes the door and looks out at the night sky. She wonders if she'll get pregnant now.