| Fan Fiction |
by Micah
“Is something wrong with your hand?” the other tall man inquired.
“No, nothing is wrong,” Changmin quickly replied, moving his hand behind his back…as if he was hiding something.
“May I have a word with you?”
Changmin wondered why, but his expression did not show it. “Sure, let’s go outside. It would be rude to occupy Kibum’s office.”
Yunho nodded in agreement. The two walked silently downstairs and out into the garden.
“What is it?”
Changmin expected Yunho to say something about Yoochun. Heck, the quiet man probably knew that Changmin and Kibum had purposely pushed Yoochun into talking about Yoona. He was quiet, but Changmin didn’t doubt that Jung Yunho was a smart man.
But the quiet man’s next words made Changmin question his own intelligence.
“You and Jaejoong used to be the best of friend, am I correct?”
“Yes,” Changmin answered. Junsu must have told Yunho that.
“Then do you not think it is a pity to lose such a precious friendship to love?” Yunho inquired.
Changmin concluded that Yunho knew.
“Yunho, the precious friendship was not lost to my love for Junsu; it was lost when Jaejoong fell in love with me.”
Yunho’s eyes widened slightly. “You knew?”
“He was extremely drunk and singing his love for me, but obviously doesn’t remember anything from that night,” Changmin shrugged.
“Why ignore it?”
“What choice did I have? The day I found out, I immediately confessed my love to Junsu. I was hoping Jaejoong would choose to keep his love for me hidden and he would eventually stop loving me. But, being unpredictable as always, he decided to pretend to be in love with Junsu. I couldn’t go telling the world that he was doing all that because he was in love with me. Even after his fake confession to Junsu, I didn’t want to reveal that he was actually in love with me. I hoped that he would one day understand my love for Junsu and can finally let go,” Changmin explained. “If we don’t confront each other about his love for me, there is still hope that we can return to being friends.”
“All along, you hoped for Jaejoong to stop loving you,” Yunho murmured.
“I’ve been patient. I really want to save out friendship. Once he gets over the illusion that he is in love with me, then he can easily pretend to let go of Junsu. There won’t be any awkwardness for any of us.”
“You had it all planned, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” Changmin replied confidently.
“Too bad you miscalculated one matter.”
“What?”
“You don’t control the future, therefore not everything will always go as you plan,” Yunho’s words felt like a slap to the face, like attempts to wake Changmin up.
“What are you trying to say?”
“You think you can control life, you think you can control love, you think you can control the future. You’re wrong. Life, love, and the future are not meant to be planned. How could you be so sure that Jaejoong’s love for you is in illusion? Perhaps your love for Junsu is the illusion.”
“No!” Changmin cut in.
“Your plan is to wait until Jaejoong lets go. You think that once he lets go, Junsu will be able to fall in love with you. But what if Junsu isn’t even the one you are meant to be with?”
“You don’t know that!”
“Neither do you!” Yunho raised his voice for the first time. “You’re so used to planning everything, being in control. So when things are out of your control, you panic. You fear and you try to turn everything back into how you planned it, how you expected it. You’re not a psychic, Changmin. Besides, it’s not always a good thing to be able to predict the future.”
Changmin frowned. “Why are you saying all this?”
“Jaejoong told me that he’s in love with you and I saw the pain in his eyes when he spoke those words.”
Changmin was shocked. Jaejoong had told Yunho? Yunho? When Jaejoong would never tell anyone any of his secrets? There were even secrets that he did not tell Changmin when they were still the best of friends. But this secret, that Changmin was sure topped the list for one of Jaejoong’s biggest secrets, was told to Yunho?
What was Yunho’s status in Jaejoong’s heart?
“You mean…it wasn’t Junsu who told you?” Changmin tried to clarify.
“Junsu knows?” Yunho returned.
“I’m sure Junsu has figured it out by now. I thought…he told you.”
“No, Jaejoong told me,” Yunho paused. “But that doesn’t matter.”
Changmin rolled his eyes. Like hell it doesn’t.
Then he recalled the time when he had eavesdropped on Yoochun and Yunho.
“Why are you doing all this? Are you trying to talk me into giving Jaejoong a chance? I’m sure he explained to you about same gender relationships. Are you in love with him?”
“No! Of course not! I am still unable to accept that such a phenomenon is possible,” Yunho frowned and looked away.
“Does Yoochun know about it too?”
“If he does, he did not find out from me. It confuses me still and Yoochun already has enough confusion on his shoulders. Besides, we will be leaving in less than a month, what is the point of learning to accept this view?”
“You’re really going to leave?” Changmin had to ask.
“Why wouldn’t I?” Yunho returned his eyes to meet Changmin’s eyes. “But I owe Jaejoong a lot. I have made my attempt to repay him by trying to talk some sense into you.”
“You’re a fool. Why should I give him a chance when I have no feelings for him?”
“Why wait on Junsu when he has no feelings for you?” Yunho retorted. When Changmin was silent, he continued, “Don’t you understand? The situation that you are in with Junsu…is the same situation Jaejoong is in with you.”
“Then what do you expect me to do? Give Jaejoong a chance?”
“Give yourself and Jaejoong a chance.”
“Then what? What if it fails? Imagine the awkwardness that would always be between us. We won’t be able to be friends anymore! I don’t want to lose him forever!”
“So this has become a race to see whose love will last? What if Jaejoong’s love for you never fades?”
“It will.”
“How are you so sure?”
Changmin ran a frustrated hand through is thick hair. It was the first time Yunho saw Changmin with messy hair; it was always so neat and tamed. “It’s not possible to force someone to fall in love with you and it’s not possible to force yourself to fall in love with someone. That’s why we’re all so damn miserable right now!”
“Or perhaps we’re miserable because we’re blinded to who we truly love,” Yunho spoke. Was he still trying to hint that Changmin was blind to the fact that Changmin was actually in love with Jaejoong?
“Forget it, Yunho. You win. I don’t know what else to say to you. I’m confused and I feel like knocking myself out. Have a great rest of the day,” Changmin spoke with finality before turning to leave.
Yunho stood in the garden, watching the younger man leave.
Changmin had asked him whether he was in love with Jaejoong…
Was he? Had he become a victim of this ‘phenomenon’? Was it why it had become so easy for him to accept same gender relationship? Did he WANT to accept it because it would simplify this problem, because it would mean one less obstacle between him and Jaejoong?
What did one less obstacle matter? The greatest obstacle of all still stood in the way: Jaejoong’s love for Changmin.
◙◙◙◙◙
“He’s straight and he already has a girl he loves,” Junsu murmured before muffling his shout of agony into the pillow.
“I went to work for five hours and all that happened?” Jaejoong sat next to Junsu, listening to his good friend vent.
“What do I do? I just threw a stupid tantrum like that without thinking! How am I supposed to keep it a secret that I’m in love with him?”
“Good question,” Jaejoong rubbed his chin.
“Help me!”
“You could…stay away from him,” Jaejoong suggested.
“Stay away?” Junsu pouted. He didn’t like that idea. But it seemed logical.
“If you stay away from him, you won’t be triggered to say anything you’ll regret. It’s a good idea, considering how much of a blabber mouth you could be.”
Junsu didn’t have the energy to feel offended. “I guess, but it’s going to be so hard.”
“I don’t know what else you can do. If you just stay away, then you won’t blurt it out and…”
“…and maybe staying away from him will make the feeling fade. Maybe it’s just a crush or infatuation and it’ll go away when I stop seeing him.”
“If that’s what you want to think,” the blond man shrugged.
“It’s what I have to think,” Junsu sighed. “But it’s going to be so hard!”
Jaejoong watched the younger man suffocate himself miserably in the pillow. “How about this? I’ll do it with you. We’ll both stay away from Kibum’s house together. It’ll be my way of supporting you and it’s easier to do things when you’re not alone.”
“Really? But won’t you miss Yunho?”
“Oh, please, Su-ie, it’s not like I’m in love with Yunho. Plus, we can continue to send Changmin over and he can report to us.”
“How do we keep sending Changmin over without us?”
“He’ll probably put up a fight, but we’ll figure something out.”