| Fan Fiction |
by Micah
“Just taking advantage of time. I’m released for vacation today so I might as well use the time wisely. You know I rarely have time off from work,” Yunho answered innocently. Se7en’s laughter was heard from the other side of the living room.
“Pathetic,” Junsu grumbled as he dropped back down into the chair. “I can’t believe I’m even friends with you! You’re…”
“You’re pathetic!” Yoochun interrupted his words. “You’re in shock and pissed off, but you shouldn’t be taking it out on your friend!”
“It’s okay, I’m used to it,” Yunho peeped in.
“You took your anger out on me earlier,” Jaejoong reminded. He smirked, but shut up, when Yoochun glared at him.
Yoochun angrily threw the egg onto the coffee table and turned his eyes back to Junsu. The adrenaline and anger was still running through his system, so he might as well make use of it.
“Since we all know that the truth is made known to you, since Jaejoong has punched the denial out of me, then we’ll get this over with right now!”
“What?” Junsu felt like the weak one.
“You, me, talk. Now!” Yoochun ordered.
“It’s easier to do things when you have someone to blame for it later,” Jaejoong grinned proudly. “Feel free to blame me!”
Yoochun kept his threatening eyes on Junsu. Junsu’s eyes shifted from one person to the other.
“My demanding, mean Hyung is back. I’m so proud,” Se7en sniffled with a smile. Then he turned to Jaejoong, “Let’s go get ice cream.”
“I’ll deal with you two later,” Yoochun promised.
“Let’s go get lots and lots of ice cream,” Se7en decided. At least he’d get a nice treat before having his brother rip him a new one.
Yoochun kept his eyes on Junsu. Junsu glanced nervously at the other three as they began to leave the apartment, Jaejoong mumbling something about, ‘He was close to giving up soon anyway. We just needed to give him a little more pushing.’
They heard the click of the closed door. The sound gave Junsu a headache. He’d never felt more like a coward in his life.
“I…”
“Let me talk,” Yoochun interrupted. His voice sounded more tired than angry now. His hand was playing with his hair, bringing strands forward. “You knew. You knew all along, but you denied…”
“I…”
“Don’t deny anymore. It’s okay,” Yoochun sighed.
Junsu lowered his head and suddenly felt cold. His left hand rubbed his right arm. He peeked at the door, wanting to run.
Coward.
Yoochun could feel himself chickening out. He spoke fast, “It hurts to know that you were in denial, but I understand. I understand. You can’t accept that someone that you’re in love with is…ugly. I understand.”
“I’m sorry,” Junsu whispered, eyes still looking down at his own hands.
Yoochun cleared his throat, “I always wondered why I fell in love with you. I finally figured it out. It’s your looks. A perfect nose, milky smooth skin, soft hair, kissable lips…”
Junsu was afraid to look up. He was afraid to remember that those were the words he had used when he had described what he thought Yoochun looked like…when he was still blind. God, it must have hurt Yoochun so much at that moment.
“You lack the beautiful eyes that can always ‘look on the bright side’ though. It seems I lost that too when I left you back on the island. I’ve learned to live with this scar for so long already, but then you had to come driving into my life and turn it inside out. This scar bothers me more now because of you. I can’t even walk with my head up anymore, even with the hat, and it’s because of you.”
The more Yoochun spoke, the angrier he got. It was finally settling in. He and Junsu would never be a pair because Junsu was beautiful and Yoochun was not; Junsu was superficial and Yoochun was ugly.
Yoochun felt angry at Junsu. He’d lost his heart, but anger reminded him to redeem is pride.
“I’m sorry.”
“You don’t have to be sorry…not anymore. Because I’ve learned to let go,” Yoochun spoke softly. His eyes turned to look at the clock, to stop looking at Junsu. He didn’t see that the last statement made Junsu look up at him. “I fell in love with your looks. It’s certainly not because you have a bad temper, or that you’re selfish and…”
“Superficial,” Junsu murmured the word that Yoochun wouldn’t.
Yoochun bit his lower lip, his whole body tense. He was straining not to cry. He continued, “Love doesn’t last when you fall in love with someone for their looks. My love for you is no exception.”
“What…?”
“I fell in love with you for your looks. The love didn’t last. It’s okay. It’s over. It’s okay,” Yoochun forced a smile. Then he drew up the courage to stop playing with his hair; he just simply pulled the strands back behind his ears and allowed full view of his cheeks.
“Mi…”
“Don’t call me that. It’s not my name. It’s a fake name. I used it because I didn’t want you to be able to find me. At first it was because I didn’t want to be put in jail. Later it was because I didn’t want you to see me as this…ugly reality. But Jaejoong is right, it doesn’t matter anyway. There’s no point in hurting for someone who can’t accept you for who you really are. Your love for Micky will fade, because Micky isn’t real.”
“I…”
“Your Micky isn’t real. Your Micky is beautiful. That person doesn’t exist. You’ll get over it.”
“Yoochun…” Junsu tried to speak, but he just couldn’t come up with anything.
Yoochun smiled sadly. It was the first time Junsu had said his real name. Junsu had never said it before because he just didn’t want anything to do with Yoochun.
And he wouldn’t have anything to do with Yoochun from now on.
“I’m done and I don’t think you have anything more to say to me. Good-bye, Mr. Kim.”
Yoochun released a breath and pretended to smile. Looking ever so relaxed and relieved, he walked into his room.
Feeling like someone had just smashed his head against a wall, Junsu slowly stood up from the chair. He was about to let himself out of the apartment when he looked down and saw the broken picture frame under the coffee table. It must have been knocked over during the fist fight.
The frame was broken, the glass irreparable, the picture fallen out. The picture was of the two brothers.
■■■■■
“You just walked out? Just like that? How stupid can you be?”
“It’s not as easy as you think…” Junsu sighed.
“What’s not easy? He loves you! You love him!” Jaejoong exclaimed. He and Se7en had followed Yunho to Junsu’s home after their ice cream session.
“He says he’s let go, that he doesn’t love me anymore,” Junsu informed, same tired tone.
“And you believe him?” Yunho gaped.
“Why not?” Junsu closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the chair.
“Because he said that he fell in love with your looks? Is that how he knows that his love for you has…or will eventually fade?” Se7en spoke.
“Yes,” Junsu mumbled.
“How can you be so dense?” Jaejoong shouted. “People like Yoochun don’t love based on looks!”
“Do you think you’ll stop loving him then?” Yunho inquired in a calmer voice. He laid a hand on Jaejoong’s shoulder to prevent him from attacking Junsu.
“With time…” Junsu began.
“My ass! You won’t ever get over him! You didn’t fall in love with him for his looks! You didn’t even know what he looked like when you fell for him! You won’t ever stop loving him!” Jaejoong protested.
“You’re just being superficial! You can’t accept that your other half isn’t beautiful! You’re afraid of what other people will say!” Se7en decided to help Jaejoong. “You selfish, superficial, disgusting son of a…”
“Forget it! He’s hopeless! Yoochun deserves better than someone who thinks looks are more important than love!” Jaejoong insulted.
“All this time, we tried to keep you away. Now that we can stop with the lies and do it directly, then you better listen. Stay away. If you’re not going to truly love him, then stay far away. We don’t ever want to see you again!” the youngest made clear before following Jaejoong out.
Yunho stood there helplessly as the two left.
“Junsu…”
“Leave me alone, Yunho. I need time.”
“Time? Time isn’t for wasting! Why are you so superficial? Why can’t you look pass the façade and see his heart? You fell in love with his personality!”
“But at the time that I fell for him, I had a beautiful image of him in my mind!” Junsu exclaimed. “It’s easier said than done, Yunho.”
“Junsu…”
“This world doesn’t work like that. We can’t just look at someone and choose to be in love with him! You’re just lucky that the one you fell in love with is Jaejoong. He can pull off looking better than a guy and a girl! That’s why you can yell at me and tell me that I’m superficial and horrible for minding! You’re not in my shoes!”
Yunho wanted to say more, but knew that Junsu’s words were true.
So many people could say it, say that looks didn’t matter. But how many people really mean it?
Surrendering, Yunho dragged himself out of the house. It was best to leave Junsu alone right now.