| Fan Fiction |
by Myxmusic
Title: 5/10
At first, when I saw your title, I thought that this was an interesting story. But after I clicked on it... I don’t think you should add the symbols before and after your story... you may think that it attracts readers, but it’s just the opposite. Another thing was, I don’t really get how it relates to the story. Just because Hebe started off hating everyone and then ended up falling in love? Not convincing enough for me.
Background/Wallpaper: 6/10
I think your poster and background was nice. It’s not the best (you could keep practicing) but it’s good enough. However, one thing you have to be careful, I couldn’t really see the words ‘End with the Angels’ on the poster. I practically had to strain my eyes in order to see it.
Forewords: 11/15
I liked how you presented your story in your forewords. A description of the cast, a flashback, and some questions for the readers to think about.
Writing Style: 10/20
Improvements need in this criteria. For example, when you want to write what the characters were thinking, you just wrote: “Hero thoughts:...” etc. It isn’t even grammatically correct. At least it could’ve been “Hero thought (without the s)” or “Hero’s thoughts”.
Originality/Creativity: 14/20
Some of the parts in your story are really common. I was thinking ‘Not these kind of stories again.” However, you managed to add in some of your scenes. Hats off to that!
Flow: 6/10
It is sometimes really confusing when reading your story. Your story jumps from scene to scene at times... for example, all of a sudden Hero and Aaron suddenly takes interest in Hebe. Suddenly.... everything is a bit too sudden.
Spelling and Grammar: 5/10
I didn’t spot much spelling mistakes. Just some like this:
“Mm…tell me how he is after wards ok?” said Hero. (Afterwards.. not after wards)
I spotted some grammar mistakes as well.
For example:
“Oh yea! I found him and he brought me home, I just came home half an hour ago” replied Hebe and sneezed.
“You right?” (this should’ve been “you alright?” or “Are you alright?”)
Bonus/ Overall Enjoyment: 2.5/5
I didn’t quite enjoy reading your story as sometimes, the scenes were just too familiar. And I thought you should’ve added more details in how the characters were feeling, and not just write “she is sad.” (You didn’t write that, but you get what I mean. Don’t be too straightforward; add some color to your story!!) Or something like that.
Total score: 59.5/100
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Well...i guess dis wasn't a good score but I'm fine with it!! HAAH! Thanx Mystique for the comments and I will try improving on it!!
^^
Myxmusic