| Fan Fiction |
by cutterpillow ♥ CMH
Note: Mickey is currently busy right now so she passed on the review to me, hope you don’t mind. :D Sorry for the lateness too. I took my exams and was forced to not use the computer for a week. T-T
`Story Title : 3/5
- The only connection I see of the title with the story, it’s that it really gave an impression that a popular guy would fall in love with a girl, other than that, nothing else. The title really didn’t leave a great impact on me.
`Appearance : 9/10
- The Poster and Background was cute and it really explained the whole fun and interesting feel of the story, but I can’t help feel something is missing. But I think the quote in the poster really explained what was happening or going to happen in the story.
`Forewords : 7/10
- It was fine, very short and simple. Although, I felt like you already revealed half of the story in the forewords. There were some things that weren’t found in your story or that can be misinterpreted. Haru wasn’t really a heartthrob in the story, he was a new student who has a cousin that was in the “in” crowd. In fact in the story, Haru really didn’t seem to be heartthrob at all, when the only girls that want to get him is Rosa and Aya. A little more information in your characters would have been splendid too.
`Plot : 10/15
- Really common and predictable but you placed some great twists in the story..
`Characterization : 7/10
- As for you characterization, the chosen pairing was very odd and unique, it was very refreshing to see a new pairing. For their personalities in the story, the different traits of the two people were seen but I think there was something missing.
`Creativity/Originality : 6/10
- Not really that original. Although, you are very realistic, it would seem that guys like to compare girls. I really liked the chapter where Haru compared Rosa and Aya, very creative too.
`Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary : 7/10
- Your spelling and vocabulary are fine but you can learn more. But your grammar needs a little tweak. You sometimes mix up present and past tenses in your sentences. I’ve seen problems with your punctuations too. You can get a beta-reader or proof-read on your own.
`Flow : 5/10
- The flow of the story was rushed. It was steady and smooth going at first but as the chapters go by, they start to rush and everything just rushed. I think it would’ve been better if you made the story longer.
`Writing Style : 12/15
- All in all it was okay. Your writing style were understandable, though not that descriptive . I suggest that you don’t use words like, “blah blah blah” or “etc.” in your sentences. Try to avoid using shortcuts in the words you’re using, use vibrant and colorful words to make your story more interesting.
`Overall Enjoyment : 2/5
- I don’t really know if I enjoyed this story, although, I laughed at some of the things they said.
`Total : 68/100
`Bonus : 2/5
- Belated Happy Birthday! :D
Overall Total: 70/100
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DP: 102609
thanks RyoMaXMaSuke