| Fan Fiction |
by Zaire
Title: 9/10
The title is intriguing and relates to your story, but not enticing enough.
Poster & Background: 8/10
The poster was lovely. The colours used set the mood of the story. The background was too dark that I had to stand up to see it, but otherwise, everything’s fine. :)
Forewords: 9/10
The forewords went straight to the point, yet I thought it was too short. Even without knowing what the story was about, I was wondering about Hebe’s silence. There was a tinge of mystery in your forewords that made me wanted to read on. :)
Plot & Creativity: 8/10
This is one of the most original plots I’ve read. Your story was captivating and enticing apart from the slightly insipid beginning.
I was confused after reading Epilogue 2 as I thought Chun had died. It was only when I went back and read Epilogue 1, this time more carefully, did I realise I was fooled. It was an unexpected twist at the end. The only thing I was still puzzled over was how and why Hebe had lost her voice.
There was also a bit of confusion over whether the story was set in ancient or modern times. I had thought that it was in ancient times until I noticed some things that are from the modern times.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 29/30
Your errors were cut to a minimum, and those few were merely typos or minor errors. You impressed me with your wide range of vocabulary. :)
Writing style: 9/10
Lovely. You created a lot of suspense which kept me reading on and even gave the tiniest details. The words used were profound but deterred me a bit for having to check the dictionary constantly. The quotes used at the end of each chapter were relevant to the story. This additional touch was simple yet effective. :)
What confused me was at the beginning 3 chapters, which were quite long, but yet in Chapter 4 it was very short, lengthened in Chapter 5, but shortened in Chapter 6. The length of the story was inconsistent.
Characters: 9/10
The pairing is unusual. I’ve never put Chun and Hebe together. All the characters in the story had unique personalities that were very different from one another. Their personalities, shown from the way they act, were kept the same throughout the story. :)
Flow: 8/10
Your story is well paced and the flow was smooth. However, the linking of chapters was not that smooth to me. I was surprised when the story jumped to 2 years later suddenly at Chapter 4.
Bonus: 4/5
Total score: 93/105
It was a lovely story, right until the end. :)
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I've been off for some time. I guess I should do some clarifications:
Hebe could speak but she swore to a vow of silence. This vow was so significant to her that her body also went along. So when she thought her vow can be broken, her body was reluctant to change because her subconscious mind believes that she's still seeking her happiness.
Secondly, the story has no particular time setting, though I would say it's largely influenced by the modern era. I was inspired by Tim Burton's surreal settings and thought that I could express a similar idea through a story. It turned out fine (=
I do agree that the story's chapter lengths are inconsistent but I stand by what I say that I separate my chapters at junctures I feel necessary. And perhaps my time line do jump quite erratically but I hope people do catch the correct time. I tried to be subtle with the change. I guess I just want people to Take A Closer Look, which was why I did such an epilogue.
I'm very grateful for the reviewers to do this reviewing. It must be rather tiring to read so many chapters. Thank you for appreciating my work.