| Fan Fiction |
by Ayu
Warning : The reviewer has nothing against the author. This is just an honest and strict review which will help the author to improve himself/herself in the next attempt of writing a story. Please do not get angry if there any unpleasant comments.
Title: 2/5
Though witty, I don’t think it fits the storyline of you story. Sure the word Kingka relates everything together in this fanfiction but honestly, I don’t see the main aim of your title. It is just to attract attention, correct? Titles like these are, say, common and they do not give justice to the story. It didn’t attract me.
First Impression: 5/10
I was really shocked by the poster honestly. I didn’t think it was flattering but as I read on, it grew on me, I guess.
Forewords: 5/10
It is not interesting, gave out a quite typical vibe but the plot is clear. You gave away the right amount of teaser though; the surface, exposed whilst the story is much more deeper than what you gave off. I will give you a fair score.
Plot: 12/15
It is not original but its quite sweet. I found the characters most appealing (duh of course they are) anyways; the pairings you used. I see unexpected couples like Minho and Nickhun in this fanfic and all of them were adorably funny. I only know common ones like Yunjae and Onkey, Siwon and Hankyung but to read about other couples (MinKhun, TaeRain -NOO DX-) really made my night even though I don’t really like script-writing.
Creativity/Originality: 9/15
Like I said, common storyline but yours had depth. Like the story about Jonghyun; although that is also a cliché scene, I would have never though you would put it here, in a Kingka story. All I can say is that what you have here is average, with average amount of twists.
Flow: 9/10
Some parts were jumpy, seemingly making the story a little bit rushed but overall, it was fine and understandable.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
There were some tense errors which were forgivable. You are actually okay in this area. It is just that you need to stop being lazy and write in proper dialogues, and not in script-writng form.
Kibum looked up at him and then hugged Jinki tightly.
Kibum:I thought something happened to you!
Jinki started to smile and hugged Kibum back,kissing his ear gently.
*“I thought something happened to you!” Kibum cried, holding onto Jinki tightly. The other boy started to smile and hugged Kibum back, kissing his ear gently.
You need to write like that in order to be acknowledged as a REAL author. I understand what you are to convey to the readers with your readers but please do start writing properly, okay?
And stop with the jumbling of names LOL like HanKhunJaeKiTae. Its cute but sometimes people don’t know who you are talking about so make sure to resolve that.
Characterisation: 9/10
You described your characters really well and I related to them perfectly. I love the interactions between Nickhun and Minho the most. Second to that, is Jaebum’s retardedness and Taemin’s meaness LOL but I think there is something missing. I can’t quite put my finger on what though.
Writing Style: 7/10
Average but with humor. Humor is very favorable in most stories :) I have nothing against it except for the script-writing part.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
Although I am not much of a yaoi fan and script-writing, your story had a base and you went with it until the end. You are filled with emotions too which kind of really distracted me from script-writing. All in all, it was enjoyable.
Sub Total: 68/100
Bonus: -/5
Total: 68/100
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THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THE REVIEW,KEERAIN @ RawrOutLoud!!!! ^^