| Fan Fiction |
by Ayu
Author: Ayu
URL: http://winglin.net/fanfic/TA2/
Status: Completed
Reviewer: ctanonymous @ Mystery-cious
Title: 3/5
Your title is certainly unique, and it defines your fanfic, but it wasn’t the best title. It is too revealing; it gives out too much hinting of what your story’s about. I don’t quite see a connection between it and your story, either.
Poster/Background: 7/10
I’ll give you credit for making the poster yourself, that’s impressive, and it’s pretty, but your text is kind of hard to read in the poster, and the facial expressions of everyone don’t exactly portray the story. Additionally, your background makes the green text hard to read; it was kind of too bright in the whiteness, but it blends in too much with the picture.
Forewords: 8/10
It was pretty descriptive; the scenes and character profiles talked about your story components pretty well, it was enough for me to visualize. But it was kind of confusing with the scenes…I couldn’t really understand what was happening, really.
Plot: 13/15
Hmm…I don’t see many stories like this on Winglin, so you’ll get points for that, and it certainly is unique. But I liked the plot, too. It was funny and cute, just the way I like it. <3
Creativity/Originality: 8/10
There are not many really creative stories out there on Winglin. How can there be? People have limited imagination, just like me, and most storylines are similar, I don't blame you. But your story isn't exactly the most unique there is, and a lot of parts I've seen in other stories. But it was still enjoyable in many ways.
Flow: 7/10
Honestly, your story progressed too fast in most scenes. Like, they suddenly kiss and make out? I don't understand that. Everything happens too abruptly and suddenly, so you should slow down and elaborate on some main points.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
Your spelling needs some improvement, I'll tell you that. I've seen some spelling errors in every chapter, most of which, I'm sure, are just typos. Your grammar also needs some improvement. Make sure your stay the same throughout the entire story (don't suddenly switch to present tense when you started with past tense). And I think your vocabulary is a bit too simple. Grander and bigger vocabulary would contribute to the smoothness of your story.
Characterization: 6/10
To be truthful, you kind of skipped ahead with the characters…You only gave them brief descriptions, like just saying who they were and their preferences, but you didn't exactly tell their traits and characteristics. You should elaborate on them slightly more.
Writing Style: 7/10
It was kind of confusing. The scene transitions were too abrupt, and sometimes I didn't understand what was happening–it was just confusing in many parts. There were characters suddenly introduced, and unusual actions, it was all just a blur.
Overall Enjoyment: 3/5
I don't really enjoy yaoi…It's just my own preference, so it might not matter that much. Just saying.
Bonus: 4/5
You had a nice poster, and it was a new experience for me. ;D
Total: 73/100
Nice job.
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A BIG THANK YOU FOR CTANONYMOUS @ MYSTERY-CIOUS!!! :)