| Fan Fiction |
by Tackra
Thank you icecreamiie!!!
Here's a link to the site. They are very good so do check them out! ;)
Link: http://memorablefootsteps.blogspot.com/
Story Title: Such A Beautiful Lie...
Author: Tackra
Story Url: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/Tackra/
Reviewer: icecreamiie@memorablefootsteps.blogspot.com
Title: 4.5/5
A really interesting choice for a title. It doesn’t reveal the whole entire storyline (like ____ + ______ love story) and it still grabs people’s attention. A nice play on words too, as lies aren’t usually considered as beautiful. To me, this title is creative and original, and deserves the 4.5
Forewords: 6/10
I’m a bit harsh with all the forewords of my reviews. This is because I’m so used to reading forewords which are attention grabbing, a short extract from the storyline which doesn’t spoil anything or a short poem is what I am looking for in a forewords. Forewords can be space used to advise readers of what to expect, but I don’t really want a characterisation in the forewords. Usually you can write your characterisation of the different characters within the storyline, as it will give more depth and description to the character; and this is why you have lost your marks.
Poster: 3.5/5
To me, this poster is somewhat rushed, and all the elements seem to clash with each other. The pink tone to the boys pictures, really aren’t necessary, and to me, as a reader, they are really blinding to the eyes. The girl’s picture is really nice – but more creativity could’ve been used to incorporate her into the poster. The font, being another shade of pink, really clashes with the background, and even though it is darker, it still doesn’t stand out as much.
Originality/Creativity: 9/10
Really creative storyline. In my opinion, the incorporation of the different past of the characters aided to make the story very original and different from others. However, what made you lose the mark is that these different side stories could’ve used with more depth and description; it would’ve created a more suspenseful storyline.
Flow: 12/15
Again, sorry for being harsh. I know that you are not from an English-speaking nation/background, and so grammar and punctuation greatly affected your overall flow. To me, the story of Ri In could’ve used with more depth analysis, it felt abrupt when it ended, it didn’t flow as smoothly when compared to a well structured complicated story. Side stories of the minor characters (Jaejoong etc.) also felt very sudden. If there were more details to why everything happened, maybe by writing more, then it would’ve definitely flowed more smoothly.
Plot: 13.5/15
I am going to take that Ri In and Junsu’s storyline is the main plot. The plot in a way is gripping, in that the twist behind her past really catches the reader off guard. Again, the only reason why you lost marks, is because I don’t really comprehend why and how Junsu suddenly became so important in her life – again, really sudden appearance. As I said before, characterization and details to your storyline would’ve greatly helped your marks.
Grammar/Punctuation/Spelling/Vocabulary: 15/20
I know that you aren’t a fluent English speaker, and that you wrote your story straight off into winglin, but let me warn you beforehand – start to plan and write your story as a draft somewhere, and re-read your work. I am going to overlook your minor grammatical errors such as ‘adn’ and other typos, but there are many other aspects of your grammar that I need to stress so you know how to improve for next time. Firstly, there are certain words/phrases which do not go with each other. Let me stress the DO NOT part. English, a very hard language to grasp, has so many features within it that nearly everyone can make mistakes. But some of the basic structures should be learnt if you are to improve your vocabulary. The ‘s’ are sometimes there when they shouldn’t be, and are not there when they are needed. There are many other errors, some which I have forgotten, that I need to tell you – but the thing that would improve your skills in writing is to proof-read. You have to understand that proof-reading is one of the best skills, as you can read over your work and spot minor errors that can be easily fixed. Also, reading books can also improve your vocabulary, grammar and punctuation. From reading, you will understand why certain words are placed together, how sentence are normally structured, and where correct punctuations are used. Reading series, such as harry potter, is a great book to read. Even though people may say it is for kids, many adults still enjoy reading it (I am re-reading the series for the second time). Harry potter, in my opinion is filled with a wide range of vocabulary that you will pick up certain phrases to use in you text. Also, punctuation and sentence structures are superb in the book, and would certainly help you grasp the knowledge of why certain phrases are worded that way. To sum up, proof-read your work and reading other people’s style of writing would certainly aid in helping you improve your writing skill.
Characterizations: 5.5/10
I may sound harsh, but this is just an honest opinion. If you just described the characters within the first few chapters more in depth, then your marks would certainly have been improved.
Writing Style: 8/10
Your writing style is unique. Besides from the sexual scenes (I will refrain from commenting them), I found your overall writing style in the story to be very different from others, but again – DESCRIPTION. More description, means a more depth of story, means more marks to your story review.
Total: 77/100
Not bad huh? ;D Thanks girl again!
//LOve Tackra <33