| Fan Fiction |
by Hibiscus
“You can go now, Steve-O,” Ariel said to him.
“Why? I need to chaperone you two.” Steven said crossing his arms. Today he was dressed in a Versace suit, black with white stripes. Very stylish. He must be burning up in the heat.
Ariel tried to be kind. She really did. She even curbed her tongue. “Why don’t you leave me and Arron to get acquainted so I can “teach” him how to speak slang.”
“I don’t want to.” Little Man Steven pouted petulantly.
“Well, shorty, then I guess you can tag along.” Ariel shrugged and as she had known, Steven flew into a huff.
“I thought I told you not to call me shorty again.” He said with the greatest degree of dignity possible.
“I call it like it is.” Ariel smiled.
“Are you calling me short? Are you?”
“I dunno, am I?”
“I’m asking YOU,” Steven was positively purple now and Ariel had never had so much fun in her life before.
Arron cleared her throat and they both looked towards him. To tell the truth, Ariel had sorta forgotten that Arron was even present.
“I don’t have much time Steven and since you hired her, could you not trust her to do her job without your constant presence?” Arron raised an eyebrow, the epitome of logic. Ariel was impressed.
“Fine. But I expect a full report on your session, five pages, neatly typed…” Steven crossed his arms.
“No.” Ariel replied, grabbed Arron by the arm and ran out of the house without waiting to listen to Steven explode.
“Why are you touching me?” Arron pulled his arm out of Ariel’s grasp, sniffing in disapproval.
“How old are you, kid? A hundred?” Ariel rolled her eyes. “Listen Mr. Stuffypants, I, that is me, that is, Ariel Lin (Miss Lin to you) am your teacher which means my word is law for the next two hours. Comprende?”
Arron stared at her and Ariel realized she had spoken in English. “And oh yes, another thing, from now on, I’m only going to be speaking in English to you and you can only reply in English. You say something in mandarin, I’m not responding. Aight?”
“Eight?”
“No, aight.”
“Eight.”
Ariel sighed. “Let’s go.” She started walking toward the bus stop.
“Where are you going?”
“No, it’s where are WE going.” Ariel stopped a few meters away from him, put her hands on her hips and glared.
“I have a car, you know.” Arron replied not moving.
“Fine, let’s take your car then.”
“Where?”
“You’ll know when you get there.” Ariel replied.
Ten minutes later Ariel directed Arron into the last parking spot at Ken-Chan’s Grocery Mart.
“You brought me HERE?” Arron looked around in disbelief.
“Sorry, I don’t know the directions to the designer grocery shops.” Ariel beamed and made to open the door. Arron halted her movement by placing a restraining hand on her arm. Ariel gave him a quizzical look.
“I need to prepare if I’m to be out in public.” Arron said snootily. He put on a large floppy hat, dark glasses and a mask.
Ariel watched all this very interestedly. When he was done she commented, “You look like a hobo.”
Arron took off his glasses and glared at her.
“Let’s go.” Ariel opened to the door.
“So today’s lesson is…” She started saying.
“Grocery shopping? I know how to shop for groceries, Ariel.” Arron led Ariel inside.
“It’s Miss Lin to you. And your sarcasm is so not appreciated. I’m going to teach you while we shop.” Ariel smiled brightly at the grocer and grabbed a buggy.
“Well, come on then.” Ariel took off with her buggy to the vegetable section, Arron following closely behind.
“’Aight’ is often used in place of ‘alright.’ It is a cool or hip way of reinforcing something like…” Ariel lectured while choosing tomatoes.
“Damn, these tomatoes are hella expensive.” Ariel stopped mid-lecture and focused her attention on the price.
“’Hella,’ meaning a lot, right?” Arron said looking pleased with himself.
Ariel, however, wasn’t listening. She was downsizing her plastic bag of tomatoes.
“Hey!” Arron tapped her on the shoulder. “You are supposed to be teaching me!”
“We are having recess right now. Go play!” Ariel said crossly and Arron hmphed.
“Aight.” He finally said and Ariel looked up, startled into laughter.
“What?!” It was Arron’s turn to be cross. “Did I say it wrong?”
“No, no! I just never expected you to say it right.” Ariel grinned. “Help me get the milk.” Ariel pointed to the heavy jugs of milk and told him to get two. Arron gave her a look but did as she bade.
“Good boy.” Ariel turned the cart into the cereal aisle. “So wassup?”
“Huh?” Arron paused from where he was perusing Kellogg’s Cornflakes and turned to Ariel with a puzzled look on his face.
“What’s up?” Ariel replied not looking at him but at the price of her favourite “Chocolate Bombs” cereal.
Arron looked up. “The ceiling?”
“No, what’s up, as in ‘what’s happening?’ Also known as wassup or sup.” Ariel said absently loading the cart with necessary items.
“This is so stupid.” Arron scowled. “I don’t see why I have to speak like this.”
“I agree.” Ariel stretched and surveyed the cart.
“You do?”
“Yep.” She nodded emphatically.
“Then why did you take the job?” Arron wondered.
Ariel shrugged. “It pays.”
“Do people really talk like that? Do you?”
“Well, yeah. It’s a language unto itself, as much as mandarin is a language. I speak that way with people who speak like that.”
“I see.”
“What do you see?”
“None of your business.”
“Is too.”
“Is not.”
“Whatever, let’s go pay.”
“You want me to pay?”
“Hell no. You pay for your stuff, I pay for mine.”
“My stuff?”
“I’m not paying for your cornflakes.”
“Hmm.” Arron rubbed his chin and gave Ariel a look.
“What are you hmming about? Let me tell you, if you burst into song here, I’m pretending I don’t know you.”
“You DON’T know me.” Arron pointed out.
“Same difference.”
They went through the checkouts in relative silence. After the cashier had bagged their stuff, Ariel picked up one light bag and took off, swinging her hips jauntily.
“Hey! Where are you going?” Arron yelled out. “Who’s going to carry all these bags?”
Ariel gave him her best surprised and innocent look. “Sure you wouldn’t expect a frail girl like me to carry all those heavy bags?”
Conscious of all the people observing, Arron had no choice but to gather up all the bags and stumble after Ariel.
Ariel (who had filched the car keys from Arron at some point) opened the trunk and said, “See, I’m so helpful.”
“Exceedingly helpful.” Arron muttered and Ariel smiled brightly.
Soon they were on the road, driving. “You can drop me home now.” Ariel said putting on her seatbelt.
“No.” Arron announced. “This is the revenge of the Masked-”
“Hobo.” Ariel completed his sentence and smiled triumphantly.
“Hmph.” Arron said.
“Where are you taking me?”
“Back to the house.” Arron replied, gave on the road.
“Why?”
“To ravish you.” Arron growled.
Ariel snorted. “Have you ever ‘ravished’ anyone before?” She smirked.
Arron turned toward her and Ariel was sure he was glaring at her from underneath the dark glasses. “I’ve ravished lots and lots of women, thank you very much.”
Ariel watch in fascination as the tips of his ears turned pink. “You’re a virgin!” She exclaimed with a peal of laughter.
“Well see whose laughing when you have to lug all these heavy bags home in the heat, in the transit.” Arron said hotly, turning into the driveway of the house.
Gathering her stuff, Ariel walked behind Arron into the house and into the living room where Steven immediately pounced on Arron.
“Are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you?” Steven asked, turning him from side to side as though searching for a grievous wound.
Ariel rolled her eyes. “What did you think I was going to do, sell him?”
“Hmph. Did you teach him anything at least?” Steven questioned.
“Yeah she did. Like, yo shorty, wassup.” Arron said and gave Ariel a wicked smile from Steven’s back as Steven turned to Ariel and said accusingly, “You’ve corrupted him!”
Just then Chun walked into the room speaking into the phone, “Yes Lina, darling I’ll be there in about ten minutes.” He hung up and looked over at Ariel. He was giving her a head to toe appraisal when Arron walked between them and blocked his view of Ariel.
“Marking your territory, eh?” Chun gave an amused smile.
Arron bristled, almost visibly.
“Fair enough.” Chun said.
“Who’s the territory?” Ariel asked poking her head from behind Arron.
“You are.” Chun drawled.
Ariel turned to Arron in alarm and said, “If you pee on me, I’ll beat you up!”
“Do I look like a dog to you?!” Arron yelled.
“Do I have to answer that?” Ariel put her hands on her hips.
Chun walked out laughing and Steven waved his arms around, “Children, stop fighting!”
“Steven, if you drop me home, I’ll give you a detailed report on Arron’s progress.” Ariel said in an engaging tone and Steven immediately agreed.
With a side look speaking victory to Arron, Ariel gathered her stuff and followed Steven out talking all the while.
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Author's Note: I'm going to go sit in the sprinkler's now.
Teapot over and out.