Fan Fiction |
by ran_shuang_hua
A new turnaround in my life happened today so I said, “That’s it! I have to write everything down or I’ll go insane!”
It all started when I overslept again inside the bus on my way home. Therefore, I missed my stop again (for the nth time!). Imagine this – walking almost 3 kilometers back to my apartment while wearing 3-inch stilleto boots! Talk about blisters!
And there I was, sulking while walking. Mind you, it’s not easy to walk with those boots while carrying a humungous tote bag full of stuff! But there’s no one else to blame but me! Of all the days, why did I forget to bring extra footwear TODAY!
Okay, back to the turnaround event… so there was I, looking so haggardly unglamorous, walking on the street. And then, out of nowhere, a cat jumped in front of me! Of course my initial reaction was to jump back but then my heel got caught on something. And then the next vision I had was my bag flying in the air and pouring out my stuff on the sideway! I suddenly felt my blood overflowing in my head and I could almost feel steam coming out of my ears and nostrils. And when I opened my mouth, here’s what came out:
“THAT’S IT! I CAN’T TAKE THIS STUPID LIFE ANYMORE! I’M GOING BACK TO CANADA IF THAT’S THE LAST THING I DO IN MY MISERABLE LIFE!”
I slumped on the sidewalk, not caring that my stuff (which included clothes, school stuff, and UNDERWEAR) were scattered all over. I was so frustrated that I cried right then and there.
“Why am I suffering like this?! *pound my fist on the concrete* What have I done to deserve this karma?! *grabbed something from my scattered stuff and threw it away* “Why me, me, me, me? *jabs my own chest with my finger 4 times*”
I bawled there on the street as if I was in my bedroom! I can’t help it! After being stuck here for almost 2 years now, my life had been nothing but work, school, work, school – NO SOCIAL LIFE AT ALL! Well, I did meet new friends and hung out with them sometimes…but hanging out in your workplace during lunch breaks hardly qualifies as social life, right? So I lost it pretty much back there. I was just thankful that it was almost midnight so there were very few people who were able to witness my drama.
After 5 minutes, I finally calmed down. So I started crawling on all fours to get my stuff together (there’s no way I’m standing on those boots again! and not to mention that my ankle got sprained!). I knew I looked like a lunatic crawling all over the sidewalk but I didn’t care. I’m so stressed-out as it is to think!
Finally, after getting red knees, a slightly runny nose due to crying, and looking like Marilyn Manson because of my run-down mascara, I was able to stuff everything back to my bag. I removed my damn boots and started to walk…no, make that limp…the rest of the way home. I was limping away as gracefully as I can while berating myself loudly.
“Why didn’t I just buy a cup of coffee so I didn’t fall asleep on the bus?”
“That’s because you don’t have extra money, dear.”
“And why didn’t I just hail a cab in the first place?”
“Duh, you can’t even buy coffee, how could you pay the taxi driver?!”
“Oh this is bad, I’m talking to myself again!” (blew my hair out of my face)
“But not as bad as leaving this on the street, miss.”
Did my voice just morphed into a deep baritone? OMG! I’m having throat problems too?! But wait, I stopped talking right?
So my head snapped to where the voice came from.
“Damn! I forgot to wear my glasses today and the dim lights from the lamp posts are not helping either!” I muttered as I squinted at the 3 men staring back at me. And wait, one of them has something dangling from his pointing finger…IS THAT MY BRA?!
OMG! OH SHOOT! How bad is this day going to turn out?! Not to mention mortifyingly embarrassing!
So I turned around and bent my head. I pretended like I saw nothing and continued limping away. But then I could hear their footsteps getting louder. Oh no! What if they’re perverts who want to take advantage of me? What if they’re planning on raping me? OMG! I’m going to be de-virginized by three men who might be looking like toads?! (Since I can’t see their faces, thanks to my bionic eyes!)
OMG!OMG!OMG! I repeated over and over as I tried so hard to limp away as fast as I could. Hell! I even tried hopping on one foot! But before I knew it, I saw three pairs of feet before my blistered and limping ones. I closed my eyes and said a prayer.
Lord, please spare me from being de-virginized against my will tonight. I promise that I won’t try getting laid again and will stay pious and keep my flower intact till the day I get married.
“Hey miss,” one of them placed his hand on my left shoulder.
Lord, please…. I won’t even try going to second base…
I just stood still. Then I heard another one say, “Hey miss, we just want to give this back to you.”
Still I didn’t say nor do anything. One of them must have lost his patience for someone tilted up my face while saying in an annoyed tone, “Hey, open your eyes and….” Then he stopped speaking and I heard them gasp.
“You…you’re…” one said.
“No, you can’t be…” the other one continued.
“Xiao You,” the third said with conviction.
Did they just call me by my name? I snapped open my eyes and wished that I could just die then and there when it dawned upon me who they were.
Lord, I’m taking back what I was praying for a while ago…only that I want the one in ponytail to do the de-virginizing act…
AND HE’S ALSO THE ONE HOLDING UP MY BRA?
If embarrassment could kill a person, I’d be 6 feet under in no time! For there in front of me were F3, with XM holding out my underwear!
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“Is that really you, XY?” MZ asked when he recovered from shock. He was slightly drunk so he can’t believe he can’t rely on his eyes. So he pinched her face several times and wiped away her smudged mascara.
“Oww!” XY rubbed her sore cheeks.
“Yeah, its really you! Only you can do that pout,” MZ tried to imitate XY then he laughed. And to his friends and XY’s surprise, MZ hugged XY tightly. “Goodie you’re back! That means we still have a hard-working virgin around even if SC is in Barcelona right now.”
“Ekh, ekh, ekh…” XY choked at his tight grip on her.
“Hey, MZ cut that out. She can’t breath,” Lei loosened MZ’s hold on XY.
“Oh sorry bout that,” MZ said with a wide grin. “Come on, we have so many things to catch up on. When did you return from Canada?” he blabbered as he tugged XY along with him.
“Uh three days ago…” she managed to say a white lie before screaming, “Aaah!” when she was thrown off-balance when MZ dragged her. Good thing that Lei caught her and her humungous bag before she fell again.
“Woah, this is heavy!” Lei remarked when he got hold of her and her bag. “No wonder you were stuffing so many stuff inside when we saw…”
“You saw me and my…” XY interrupted Lei but she can’t finish her sentence…
“Yes, you’re whole drama. I especially liked the part where you jabbed yourself with your finger 4 times like this,” MZ imitated her again.
No, this can’t be happening! XY frantically thought. I’ve successfully strayed for almost 2 years. Why can’t things just go on that way?
“Come on guys, can’t you see she’s tired? Right XY?” It was XM who spoke this time. He smiled at her sincerely that XY felt her knees go weak.
OMG, I can’t drool in front of him. Things are already bad as it is! “Uh, yeah…” she answered shyly.
“But I have so many questions to ask…” MZ stammered out of his drunken state.
Lei knows that MZ won’t quit until he is pacified. “Ok, so we’ll take XY home and then you can ask questions later. XM you go with MZ while I take XY with me, ok?” Lei said without waiting for any response.
XY’s mouth hung open at what Lei said. Then she jerked back to reality when Lei gathered her in his arms effortlessly. “Hua Ze Lei…my bag is heavy…and I…” she started, sounding unsure.
“Have a little faith, ok? I’m stronger than I look,” Lei said with a smile then proceeded to carry her to his car.
When they reached XY’s apartment, XY was hesitant to let them in. She was about to politely ask them to leave when she opened her door but MZ barged in without any ado.
Oh geez! I didn’t clean the house! But she didn’t have any choice since they were already inside.
“Hey, you live with someone here?” MZ slurred. “Coz the lights over there are turned on and I smell something like food,” he blabbered on while making himself comfortable on the sofa.
XY looked at the direction to where MZ pointed. There was light coming from the kitchen. But I turned out the lights when I went out this afternoon and I certainly didn’t leave anything cooking on the stove…
“Uh, make yourselves at home…I’ll just check out…”
“Hey XY! I knew it was you. I was calling you for hours but your phone is turned off. Good thing you gave me a set of your house keys last month or else I would have been stuck inside my car waiting for you to come home,” a voice coming from the kitchen said.
Then F3 turned around to see who it was. “CHING HE?”
“Uh, hi…” he was startled to see F3 there. Then he gave XY the ‘what are they doing here look?’
Then XY gave him a look that said ‘don’t ask me now and just help me make them leave! My place is a mess right now!’
“So, got back three days ago *hick* but you gave Ching He *hick* your set of keys a month ago…hmmm, *hick* this is interesting *hick* . Do you have magic or something *hick* ?” MZ slurred in between hiccups then threw them a lazy hyena smile.
“Looks like someone has a lot of explaining to do…” Lei looked at XY with an amused expression.
“And oh, I forgot to give this back to you earlier,” XM quipped, holding up her lacy bra.
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Continuation of Xiao You’s journal entry
Could you imagine how horrified I was! And he had this ‘I’m trying to control my laughter’ look while giving me my bra back! Worse, Ching He blabbered…
“Why do you have that? Don’t tell me you two…” he said pointing between me and XM.
“NO!” I shouted. “I mean, no…they saw me by accident and well…oh let’s just not talk about it,” I said desperately as I didn’t want to recall all the crazy things they saw me do!
Then MZ started to say something while he was falling asleep.
“Mmm…XY, your pillow is really soft…” then he buried his face on what he was lying on…to my mortification, I realized, were my freshly washed underwears!…good thing I washed them…
Anyway, I snatched them away before he could drool on them. “Uh…MZ move your head a little, will you?” I said as I played tug-of-war against his heavy head.
“Hey, don’t take my pillow!” he muttered as he clung on to my panties.
“Those are not pillows…” I grated out.
“Looks like you love throwing your underwear around,” XM chuckled.
Huhuhu….please let me die…NOW! Please please please…let me die….huhuhu
I didn’t realize that I voiced my thoughts until Lei said, “XY, flaunting your underwear won’t kill you. And we won’t let you kill yourself either before you explain your presence here.”
I knew then and there that I was defeated. There’s nowhere to run. Besides, even if I don’t tell them they could just hire a detective to snoop around on me. “Okay, okay! I got it!” I said as I plopped down on my beanbag.
“Uh, XY, do cross your legs…you’re wearing a skirt…” CH whispered to my ear and I closed my legs instantly. Damn! I’m usually not this clumsy or awkward in front of people…I’m feminine and graceful…but why am I like this NOW?!
Two words: Xi Men!
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“So would you care to enlighten us?” XM pressed on.
“All right!” XY took a deep breath before going on. “I’ve been here in Taiwan for almost 2 years now…”
“Two years?!” Lei and XM exclaimed at the same time.
“Do you have to be noisy? I’m trying to get some sleep here!” MZ complained, obviously not giving a damn on the conversation.
“Yeah, and CH here is the only one who knows,” XY pointed to CH who was handing her over a bowl of noodles.
“You know she’s here and you didn’t tell us? Even San Cai?” XM asked in disbelief.
“Don’t blame me! She asked me to keep quiet,” CH pointed back at XY.
“I asked him not to tell you,”
“But I thought you went back to Canada after…” XM can’t finish his sentence.
“Yeah, I know. You even took me to the airport. But how was I to know that there were snatchers roaming around. Before I knew it, my bag was gone – along with all my money and plane ticket!” XY explained in between mouthfuls of noodles.
“And so I was stuck here. Good thing I still had some coins in my pocket so I was able to call CH and my aunt.”
“Why didn’t you tell us?” Lei asked again.
“I know that SC would just be worried about me. Actually, I was about to tell her but then the Barcelona tragedy struck. She had more than enough to deal with so I opted to stay away. Thanks CH,” XY said as she handed CH the now empty bowl. “Yes I know about that. CH keeps me updated,” she added when they looked at her with questioning eyes.
“But still, why not tell us? We could have also helped and not let SC know,” XM asked.
Uh XM, you were the main reason I wanted to stay away, remember? “I don’t want to bother you all. Besides, I’m not even sure that you guys see me as your friend.”
“Of course you are!” Lei said.
“Uh…thanks?” XY said uncertainly.
“How about your parents. Do they know about this?” Lei asked with concern.
“Uh yeah. Actually, this was their idea of my punishment for running away from home. They said that I’d have to find my way back there on my own, which of course would take ages before that happens. So I just opted to stay here till I finish school and then I’ll go back there,” XY said with a sigh.
“Wait, enough about me. How did you three find me in the street?” XY now asked.
“You mean you didn’t notice us all the while?” Lei asked.
“What do you mean?” XY answered in a clueless tone.
“We were just across the street, drinking with Sha Ge because we were celebrating Ah Si and San Cai’s reunion in Spain,” XM explained with amusement.
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Another continuation of XY’s journal entry
He had this amused face like I was a living cartoon character. Ugh! I swore to myself that the next time we see each other again I’d be composed, graceful and feminine! But now all those plans went to the drain!
New Year’s Resolution (though New Year is still 5 months away): Be composed, mature, and not humiliate myself in front of XM ever again!
Thank God they finally left after all the question and answer thingy. But up to the last moment, this day really did me in when I had to play tag-of war again with MZ when he won’t give up on the thought that my favorite panty is his pillow! XM burst out laughing…even Lei did!
That will be his last laugh at my expense!