Fan Fiction |
by YukLing
I gulped for another breath of air before diving into the clear blue water. As soon as I touched the cold splashing water, everything became a blur to me, just like how my life is right now. I wanted to stay down in the depth of the water forever -- never having to resurface and face my life again in loneliness. My body, however, reacting to its instinct, struggles for survival. It did not want to endure this pain; it did not want to be lost in the mist of the clear blue water. Like it, in the past I had struggled too. From the moment I had chosen my own path, my own life, my own destiny -- I had struggled. It was as if the entire world is always against me, and each part of my life against each other. And just when I think I have won the battle, another one arises, eagerly waiting me. It took me years to prove to my family that path I had chosen was the one for me. And I was happy when I finally won that battle, but I pay for it with a heavy price which 'til today, I still carry the guilt. Rain and I had fallen in love with each other the first time met. At that time, we were both very young and I was at the beginning of my career. Due to the pressure of my family and press, I decided to let her go. I traded my love for my career and my family. I had betrayed Rain; I had betrayed our love; I had betrayed myself. Afterward, my career began to rise and my family had accepted me again. But I still felt as empty as always. It was then that I had promised myself I'd never let history repeat itself. I'd never let another chance pass by me. It seems faith has taken a pity on me and that was when I met Qian. She was so innocent and fragile. So untouched by the cruel world of the media. That is why I did not want hurt her in anyway -- even if it meant I had to lie to her. I wanted to start anew with her; I wanted our relationship to be pure and unstained from any past history or mistakes I have made. Yet, the harder I try, the harder I fail. And now it seems that the past has caught up with me and I am paying for it dearly.
I began to see flash of lights before me as my eyes began to flicker. It would have been so easy to let go and follow the light. But again my body refuses to give up as it continues to struggle, and soon I found my way back up onto the surface. Breathing desperately, I continued to swim across the pool until I reached the climbing ladders. Natural instinct told me to hold onto it tightly or else I would sink again. I finally managed to pull myself up and lie there on the concrete floor next to the pool.
{Flashback: Fung's Birthday Party}
"Rain, where are you going? Let me get someone to take you home. You can't just walk home; you came here with the group."
"Don't worry about me. Just go back to your new girlfriend."
"Don't be stupid, it's dark outside and dangerous. You can't go alone."
"I don't care. I just want to get away from here. I can't stand the look of you two together. How do you think I feel?" Rain said as she was entering the elevator.
Ron calling: "Hey Ray, are you out here?"
{Flashback: Parking Garage Night}
"Rain, what the hell was that back there? We were in the middle of filming and you just walked out on the set." I yelled.
"I'm glad you finally notice that I'm upset."
"What? About what?" I asked.
She looked into my eyes with resentment and anger, "Why is it because of her and you can go public about your relationship? But with us, you never did? Why?"
"Rain, I've told you before. It was my fault for giving up on us. If I could change the past, I would. But I can't. Rain, you've got to get over this and live in the present."
"Why? Why can't we get back together? You know I still love you. And I know you still love me. I can see it in your eyes."
"No, Rain. No we can't, because I'm with Qian now and I do love her. Rain, I'm sorry but what happened between us is over." I replied.
"No, I don't believe you." Rain started to cry and exited the backstage doors. "How can you love her more than me when you've only known her for months while I've known you for years?"
"Rain." I said with a sigh, "The only thing I can say is I'm sorry. I can't explain that to you, you'd never understand."
Then I saw a flash of light shining in my eyes, "Who's there?"
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I got myself up again and went into the dressing room to change. No one was there now, just me all by myself.
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{Flashback: Dressing Room 30 minutes earlier}
"Where have you been? I've been trying to call you all morning. Are you ignoring me, Ray?"
"Rain, I don't want you calling me anymore. If it's not work related, then don't call me."
"What do you mean by that?" asked Rain.
I turned around and looked at her in the eyes; I knew it had to be her. "It's one thing that it was my fault about us, but it's another thing when you start interfering with me and Qian."
"Are you accusing me of something Ray? What did I do?"
"You know exactly what you did. It was you who deleted Qian's messages on my cell phone." I exclaimed.
"You don't have any proof! So don't accuse me." replied Rain.
"Rain, I'm gonna let this pass this time only because I do not want to bring this subject up again. But in the future, I appreciate it if you do not go through my locker while I'm on set."
“How could you say such mean things to me? After all that we've been thru, and now because of her -- you're yelling at me!" Rain started to cry as though she was being accused wrongly.
I can't stand the sight of a woman crying, and definitely not the sight Rain crying.
"Rain, I was a bit harsh. I apologize. Please stop crying." I pleaded.
Rain stopped crying and stepped up and hugged me, "Ray, I know you still love me. I can still see it in your eyes. See? Just now, you can't even stand to let me cry. You still care for me, I just know it. It's just you. You just haven't realized that you still have feelings for me."
Rain stepped closer to me, "Just kiss me, Ray."
I pushed Rain away from me and said, "Rain, stop this! A kiss won't do anything! It's not going to change my mind."
"Just one kiss and you'll know if you've been lying to yourself.....are you afraid that you'll find out the truth -- that you're still not over me?"
I could see the desperation in her eyes, this was the person I once loved and now it has come to this. Sadly I said, "I don't know what else to say to make you believe me, Rain."
"Then prove it! Prove to me what you say is true! Until you do, I'll never believe a word you say!" Rain exclaimed.
And so I kissed her, but the only thing that occupied my mind at that time was my kiss with Qian the night before. When I lifted my face and looked up into Rain's eyes, I know that she knows now who my heart belongs to. She could not longer lie to herself. Tears covered her eyes as she quickly ran out the back of the dressing room door.
The sight of her crying broke my heart, but I knew it had to be done. I could no longer love Rain as I did before for my heart now belongs to another.
Just when I thought one problem was finally over, it was then that I saw Qian standing there with tears in her eyes as I was about to exit the dressing room.
And then it all happened so quickly. And within in minutes she was gone from my life. I tried to explain to her, but she didn't want to hear. She had her reason -- it was because I was the one who lied to her first. But my past with Rain was the only thing I lied to her about. I saw anger and confusion in her eyes. I wanted to hold her into my arms so much, but she refused to accept me. At that moment, I knew whatever I said would only be lost and doubted because she no longer believes me -- for she had believed every word Rain said to her.
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Picking up my gym bag, I exited the dressing room and walked passed by the front lobby.
"Oh Mr. Lam Fung, there has been an accident." said the receptionist as she quickly ran in front of me.
"Sandy, what's wrong? Who's been in an accident?" I asked.
"It's Miss Li. She got hit by a car. They took her to the hospital already. She’s in critical condition they said. You must see to her quickly!"
My heart skipped a beat as I dropped my gym bag and quickly ran out into the parking lot.
“Wait, I haven’t told you which room she’s in……she’s in room #409!”
Please, I pray to god. Please don't let anything happen to Qian. I have so much I still have not told her. Please don’t let me lose her forever.
======= AUTHOR'S NOTE ======
As you know Chapter 10 begins with Raymond's POV now.