| Fan Fiction |
by MIzconfuz3d
- Story Title 6/8
When I first read your title, it was a little boring to me. It doesn't stand out but I still liked the title because it was short and simple. Not only that, the title matches with your story really well.
- Appearance 9/12
Based on my opinion, your poster is just a list of your characters.Even so, I have to admit your poster is cute. The text is also clear and can be read easily.
This is just a suggestion, for the poster I suggest that you can just feature the main characters of your story and the others on the side. Remember this is just my suggestion. You don't have to change anything. Your current poster is already cute enough. =)
- Forewords 10/10
Your forewords are PERFECT! The information you gave about the story wasn't too much or too little. It left the readers wanting more. I loved your summary! It left me curious. I kept asking questions to myself through out the whole time I read your fanfic until the ending. Well done!
-Plot: 14/15
Your plot is very interesting to me. Your plot is also realistic and full of coincidence. You had a lot of twists like Bao's insults to Ella. Its very amusing and funny how a kid can just insult his own mother. ^^ But I think that you could focus more on the main characters on the story. Just because you have to much characters, It'll be a little confusing for your readers.
Flow: 5/8
~ You have to many characters in the story and plotlines so it's a little slow. Maybe you could shorten some of the plotlines? Some of the twists you added in are also dragging the story down so maybe you could shorten them down too?
- Originality/Creativity 12/12
~ Your fanfic was really creative! I haven't read a fanfic like this before. You have so many characters and plotlines just for a fanfic. Its full on coincidence andd its really original! I really enjoyed reading your fanfic!
~- Characterization 7/7
You descrobed your characters really well. Each character had their own different unique personality! Love it! ^^
~ Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary 9/13
Most of your mistakes are minor. You have some problems on ( , ) and ( . ) but maybe those are just typos. Other than the ( . ) and ( , ) just some spelling errors and typos. Your tenses are all ok so I have nothing to correct here.
~ Writing style 8/10
I thought it would be a little messy because there's too many characters and plotlines but it was almost perfect! But I think that you should be more descriptive then your readers would can imagine the scene more easily. I loved your ending! It was perfect! It was really a great way to end the story.
~ Enjoyment 5/5
I really did enjoy reading your fanfic! ^^
~Bonus 5/5
You really deserved it for writing such a complicated yet amusing story!
TOTAL: 90/100
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Author's Notes:
Thanks KawaII PuddIng for the review. Very much appreciated.
(intended for myself)
With all the reviews received already, I come to realize that the biggest problem would be too many plotlines.
I'm really in trouble then.
The story was meant to be around 8 people altogether.
I'm asking myself which plotlines I should leave out.
I'm totally lost.
Hmm. Is it too draggy because it is too many people?
Or is it too draggy because people can't keep up with the characters?
Who are the main, main characters?
What should I take out?
We go through Mei's chracter to find out about other chracters. I have to show Calvin and Mei falling in love somehow. It can't just happen out of nowhere. Maybe the leaving to America thing was a bit too much. Getting married with ex-girlfriend? That's out of nowhere too.
Chun and Ella's storyline falls between the big plot. (contract) If I take out Chun's twin, it woudln't really help. It would mean that he left Ella just because of his father. unbelievable? Bao's character is needed because he is the reason why they would get back together.
Aaron and Hebe's storyline. I suppose the kissing Calvin scene is not really needed. Came out of nowhere.
Jiro and Selina- These two don't seem like the main chracters. They are more like the minor ones? Should I go back and fix this problem?
Well I might just go back and re-re-re-edit things so that it won't seem too draggy. I might need to polish up on some parts. No worries, I won't take out important stuff because it would leave gaps within my story.
Not bad, not bad at all. I can see that I have improved from my previous stories at /poise1 and /poise2
It's kind of embarassing to read them now because I see so many...millions of mistakes. LOL.
This goes to show that the more you write and the more prepared you are, you will improve.