| Fan Fiction |
by ILY
This was your first story and as I reviewed this story I had that in mind. Please, don't take it the wrong way if I reviewed to harshly. =)
RUBRIC
- Story Title 5/8
I think the title gives away the plot.
- Apperance 8/12
I like it because the characters stand out more than usually fanfictions.
- Forewords 7/10
Well, it was simple enough to make me think of what might happen in the future. He forgot her birthday and as a girl I would believe she'd be upset about it. Maybe too predictable?
- Plot 14/15
The plot, itself, is original and understandable. I would think that this kind of plot relates more to girls and in some way guys. Yes?
- Flow 5/8
I didn't really enjoy the whole flashback moments. Instead you could have made transitions into the characters thoughts. That way the readers can follow it and not go back to look back on what's going on.
- Originality/Creativity 12/12
Very original; I've never read a short story about this topic. It did make me think if I were to do the same thing she did when he dumped her.
- Characterization 6/7
The couple are just perfect for each other. Maki is very well described and I think maybe you could talk more about him; describe his character more.
- Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary 9/13
The spelling and vocabulary was fine but the grammar needed a bit of help.
ie. "This is STUPID! Maki! Stop acting" Yamapi retorted
You need a comma after acting and a period after retorted.
- Writing style 9/10
You follow the regular composition guidelines but the way you wrote this story was very interesting to read. I liked the way you changed your emotions in words as you change characters.
- Enjoyment 4/5
I enjoyed in truthfully. Though, it did make me want to puch Yamapi afterwards. -_-
Sub total 78/100
Bonus 5/5
It's your first fanfiction and you did great! kudos! I liked this story <(")
Total: 83/100