Fan Fiction |
by chinay
[Few days later]
The funeral was held on a large scale. It was raining hard and people who were dressed in
black were also holding black umbrellas. JaeWon was not even shedding tears, but
everyone knew how he felt inside. When the casket was about to be buried, he ran up to it
and embraced the coffin with his long arms, not saying a word. This was the man he
respected the most, loved, and was fond of. The man he also hated at the same time, for
his sister was more loved than him....
'The last name that came out of your mouth was yet her name.... must you do this to me?'
HeeJun and Tony pulled JaeWon back but JaeWon pushed them away.
"When I find her," he began in a chillingly aloof voice, while the rain was flowing on his
face which almost made him look like he was crying, "I'm going to kill her."
HeeJun's eyes shot wide open at JaeWon's whisper, but they soon went back to their
normal size.
'Now I know for sure I have to keep my promise with her... that I won't reveal where she
is...'
WooHyuk and KangTa were watching the scene from a distance. They were almost right
next to each other. Once in a while their eyes met but then they quickly looked away from
each other awkwardly.
From a very far away, HaNeul was dressed in black, holding an umbrella. She dressed
EunWoo in black also earlier that morning and was watching the whole funeral from the
beginning. She didn't see KangTa or WooHyuk since they were mixed within the crowd,
but she could clearly see JaeWon and his mother.
'I...I'm sorry Dad... I'm so sorry....'
She hid behind the trees and held her son tightly.
"Mommy?" EunWoo blinked his eyes, a habit inherited from her whenever he was
bewildered or in panic. He had never seen her look so sad, even though she still wasn't
crying. His beautiful mother was sad....
Hours later, when the place was cleared, it stopped raining. HaNeul still stood behind the
trees watching people leave.
"Mommy, my legs hurt..." EunWoo whined but she didn't seem to hear him.
Instead, she held EunWoo's hand and started walking towards the grave, very slowly.
With each step she took, her legs began trembling harder, but she drew courage and went
ahead nonetheless.
When the inscription on the tombstone came into her view, her eyes began to water. She
drew EunWoo closer to her side and took a deep breath.
"Say hi to your grandfather, EunWoo."
"Where is he?"
She did not answer his question. She knelt down in front of the grave and kept on staring
blankly at the epitaph.
"Wow! A squirrel!" EunWoo exclaimed happily when he saw a squirrel scurrying away
into the woods. Disregarding his mom, he went chasing after the squirrel. HaNeul made
no attempt to stop him, for she continued kneeling in front of the grave, not saying
anything. When she raised her fingers to touch the tombstone, she suddenly heard the
crunching of the leaves. She turned around and gasped, for she saw......
"Tell me this is not a dream."
The voice whispered, but loud enough so she could hear. Her eyes grew as large as they
could ever be. Her jaws dropped open and her white face became even whiter, as all the
blood was drained out of her face once again. The shock of seeing him was 100 times
greater than seeing HeeJun. She jumped up on her feet and froze in the spot.
"If this is a dream... I would never want to wake up again....I knew you would show up
here afterwards.... but I didn't think I'd see you like this... for real..."
He took a step forward and she cringed. She didn't want him to come so near. But before
she could do anything to stop him, he was already walking towards her at a great speed.
"KangTa..."
And before she could say anything, he had approached her already and blocked her lips...
with his own.
It was not a short kiss, but for both of them, who had longed each other for so many
years, it was nowhere near satisfaction. They were engaged in this kiss like they had no
tomorrow. HaNeul felt an unfamiliar scent of cigarette on him, but that didn't stop her.
KangTa's hands that were gripped onto the back of her head were meagerly shaking, as he
reluctantly parted from her. He then pulled her towards him and locked her in his
embrace. He noticed that she was way skinnier than he ever knew before.
"How long has it been since I last kissed you like this?" he whispered in her ears. Tears
soon escaped her eyes very slowly.
"6 years...." she answered.
"Do you remember our last date together? Before you left?"
"We were at a mall... and eating ice cream... you took my spoon away because you
wanted to feed me...."
"And I dropped you off at WooHyuk's house that evening...."
He paused, and detached himself from her, his hands still on her shoulders. He then
continued in a soft voice.
"And I never saw you again after that... you called me that night, but after that, I never
heard from you....did he really....?"
"Not that evening. It was the night after...."
She took a step back and wiped away her tears. It was all coming back to her too clearly
and vividly... his cold fingertips that ruined her body, and her life. And the scar on her
shoulder that would never go away.
"I... I was so sure that he wouldn't do such a thing to me... I didn't think he was 'that' evil.
Wasn't I a fool to believe that. I begged him to stop but he... didn't.. listen. And I kept on
calling you afterwards, but you never answered....."
"My grandparents found out about us and they got mad... so they locked me in my room
and cut off all the communication. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed
me the most...but you shouldn't have ran away like you did. That only made things worse
for all of us," he said sadly. He looked up at the sky and let out a small sigh. He put his
hand in his black coat pocket and took out a cigarette.
"I couldn't help it. I felt so dirty and violated and I wanted to die right there, so I took off.
I didn't think I could go back to LiRa and sit in front of WooHyuk in my physics class, like
nothing happened... I didn't think I could ever look at you the same way... when did you
start smoking?"
"Since then," he replied shortly, "but I guess I can quit now since I found you. Let's go
away to a place where no one can find us. We can start all over."
He threw the cigarette on the ground and stepped on it, with a strand of hope on his face
flashing. HaNeul stared at him with sad eyes, realizing that he hadn't changed since she
last saw him; always dreaming of things that would never come true.
"You know we can't be together anymore," she said sternly. He looked puzzled.
"What do you mean?"
"Don't forget that you have a fiancee. Your family can, and will find us if we just leave.
When we were 18, I was naive enough to believe that we could be together... but we can't.
They will run over me with a car like they did with JaeHee. It's not that I'm afraid of
dying, but... I have my reasons. I can't die now."
KangTa saw the determined look on her face when she spoke. He smiled out of bitterness
and stooped his head low, with his hands in his coat pocket.
"I'm always an idealist, just like Tony... we usually don't think before we act."
"HyunJi is a nice person, KangTa. Try to get along with her," she said with much
concern, even though it pained her to say such a thing to push him away, "I think she will
make you happy... someday..."
The two stood there for a long time, not saying any word. The wind blew their hair in the
same direction. KangTa's head stayed low. Why wasn't he going after her, like he
promised himself he would when he found her? The cold aura that was surrounding her
was preventing him from getting closer. Why was he giving up on her so easily? It wasn't
supposed to turn out this way.
'I told you once, even if all the happiness in the world is given to me, it can't replace you.'
"I..." he lifted his head up and began saying something, when he saw a little boy running
towards her.
"I lost it. It ran away, Mommy," EunWoo clung onto HaNeul's skirt. He then looked at
KangTa who was staring at him with shocked eyes.
"EunWoo, say hi to mommy's friend."
She bent down to EunWoo's eye level and stroked his hair and face.
"He's...?" KangTa stuttered as he looked down at her who was avoiding his eyes.
It was so obvious to him who the child was.. since he knew what happened to her.
Especially the strong resemblance this kid had to WooHyuk... and her sad brown eyes that
weren't facing him... explained it all... why they could no longer be together.
"Does.... does WooHyuk know about this?" KangTa kept on stuttering, not fully
recovered from his shock.
HaNeul shook her head. She then pulled her kid towards her and hugged him warmly.
She was reminded of her mother in her early days. When she was about EunWoo's age,
she used to constantly question her mom about where her dad was. Every time she did
that, instead of answering, her mom always embraced her small body without a word and
wept silently. And because she didn't want to see her mom crying, she had learned to stop
asking.
EunWoo, who had no clue as to why she was acting this way, just kept his eyes wide open
with a smile on his face. He liked the warmth of her body that she was giving him.
"I... think... he should know. So he knows that he's responsible for your suffering."
KangTa said weakly. He couldn't believe he was saying this, but by then, he realized that
his future he had always dreamt of was no longer consisting of her and himself. If the
circumstances permitted, he honestly felt like he could really take care of her and her kid
altogether, but the reality wasn't that simple.
When she heard him, indescribable pain and anger flashed in her eyes. She pulled away
from the child slowly and stood back up. She faced him with strong eyes as she began
speaking.
"He doesn't need to know. I don't ever want to see him again as long as I live."
She snatched EunWoo's hand and started walking towards the gate of the cemetery.
KangTa could only stare at her back, while something inside him urged him to go stop her.
But his feet were fighting against that urge.
She stopped for one moment and turned around to face him again.
"And... hopefully, I wouldn't see you again either...KangTa. You know why."
KangTa, upon her words, literally felt his brain turning white. He saw her faint smile
before his eyes, as she turned around and made her way out, with an innocent looking
child who had a smile just like WooHyuk's, except that it was of purity and innocence, not
of bitterness.
The best thing he could do was to leave her alone. He didn't want to pain her anymore
with confusion of having him around. So that's what he did. Until she disappeared in
front of him, he didn't go after her. And he never will, from now on.
Standing alone in front of the grave was KangTa, as the raindrops soon joined his
company once again.
When it began raining, HaNeul could finally let her tears flow, without letting EunWoo
know, for they were indistinguishable with the rain that was making her wet.
-Just so I could forget everything and live on,
I had to throw you away.
Do you understand that of my heart towards the end?
Nothing could give you strength,
So I didn't want to be a burden anymore.
If I am still alive in your heart,
You wouldn't be happy,
So you have to erase me.
To be with you... was a small dream in the days I was too young.
Just so you can be Free to Fly, I have to fly you away.
Forget me.... goodbye.~
[Free to Fly, H.O.T. 2nd]
***********
[Jang Residence]
WooHyuk unlocked one of the rooms upstairs and went in. Everyday, his maids
decorated the room with fresh tulips, ranging in various colors, from red to orange to
yellow.
This was the traditionally new bride's room in the antique house. The bed that was in the
room was once slept in by his mother... and his grandmother... and his great
grandmother...
And whoever was to be his bride would have this room also. But that person was
nowhere to be seen, because he did something terrible that made her run away from him.
'I did it so I could chain you by my side forever... but it was a miscalculation, obviously...I
only destroyed you to have you escape from me... haha, isn't that funny...?'
He could never erase her image of shedding tears in front of him for the first time. But he
refused to admit how much he had hurt her.
'It's your fault. You should've cared more.'
He laughed bitterly and wildly opened the huge wooden closet in the room. A shiny white
wedding dress, that was worn by the brides in the past in his family was hanging. It was
well taken care of by the maids occasionally. It was the wedding dress that symbolized the
dignity, history, and the honor of his familyhood. Whoever was to wear this was to feel
honored to be part of the Jang's.
'Would she have grown since then? This might not fit her now... she was usually taller
than the girls in her age.'
He could never imagine her as 'beautiful' or 'pretty' in this dress. That wasn't how he
viewed her. The thought that she was beautiful never occured to him. In fact, he had
always thought that her appearance was less remarkable than those other girls who
attended LiRa. The only thing truly extraordinary about her features were her blue eyes,
which he seldom got to see anyway.
He once heard from his dad that HaNeul's mother was the true beauty. He saw her picture
and agreed with his dad. He wondered why HaNeul didn't inherit the beauty her mother
possessed.
'Love... what do I love about you...? There is nothing to love about you. Who are you to
make me feel this way? Stop hiding and answer me!'
He violently shut the closet door and walked out of the room. When he stepped out to the
hallway, he suddenly heard a disturbing noise.
"What is going on?" he questioned as he came downstairs. To his surprise, he saw
KangTa staring directly at him. He couldn't remember the last time KangTa set his foot
into his house.
"We tried to stop him, Sir, but he.." a servant tried to give an excuse but WooHyuk raised
his hand and stopped him. He motioned everyone else to go away.
"Do you have a business to settle with me, KangTa? What is all this commotion?"
WooHyuk said with a smirk on his face, but it soon faded when he saw KangTa
approaching him angrily. Soon he felt a sharp pain in his stomach as KangTa punched
him. He bent forward in reflex.
"This one's for ruining her and her life. That's all I have to say."
"Wow, news flash," WooHyuk straightened up and put on his usual sarcastic tone, "you
told me the same thing when we were 18. Things haven't changed yet since, but why are
you bringing this up all so suddenly?"
"Things 'have' changed since then," KangTa replied, his icy glare still fixed on WooHyuk,
who was once his closest friend.
"She's now raising your son. That's what has changed."
The smirk on WooHyuk's face remained there. But it wasn't the smirk of sarcasm, but of
perplexity. KangTa waited for an expected response.. for him to be surprised, but instead,
he immediately broke out into a laughter.
"My 'son'? Hahaha! That's the lamest joke I've ever heard in my entire 24 years of life!"
KangTa was flabbergasted by his actions, but ceased to stop speaking.
"If you saw her and the kid like I did after the funeral, you would totally believe this
ridiculous news I'm telling you right now."
WooHyuk's laughter stopped instantly and his face turned grave.
"You... saw her..? Did you say you saw her?"
"I saw her, all right. I saw more than what I needed to see. She was with YOUR kid. Of
all the people in this world, she just had to bear YOUR child and give birth to YOUR
son."
WooHyuk took a deep breath and slowly backed away from the person who was
delivering this evil news. He shook his head in denial.
"You're.. kidding, right? This is all a joke... right?"
"Does it look like I'm kidding?!" KangTa yelled, "does it say on my face, 'KangTa's
kidding because he has nothing better to do'?! Do you think I'm telling you this because I
want to? Because I like it? I want to deny it just as much as you do, if not more. Why
did you have to do this to me? I was your friend! Well, forget that. Why did you have to
do this to her? If she ever deserved anything for whatever she did to you, it should've
been love and happiness, not all the suffering and crap she's having right now, as if she
didn't have them enough earlier. Answer me, JangWooHyuk! Why?!"
The warm tears came out of his eyes as he yelled at WooHyuk. He was always easy to cry
and be emotional, but he had never been in so much rage before.
WooHyuk gulped his saliva several times and stood still.
'My...child... she gave birth to my...child? That's impossible... I can't believe this...'
"Where is she?" WooHyuk demanded to know, but KangTa only returned him a cold
smile in the midst of his craziness.
"I don't know, but even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you."
"Don't tell me you just let her slip out of your hands right after you met her," WooHyuk
regained his calm and shot KangTa a dubious gape, "that would've been rather stupid, to
let her go when you found her."
"Well, I did. Because unlike you, I know how to let things go," KangTa answered, as he
remembered her last words before she left.
There was an icy smile on WooHyuk's face.
"Then you didn't truly love her."
"Don't presume the depth of how much I loved her. My feelings cannot be compared to
yours," KangTa shouted angrily.
"Then why did you let her leave like that? Weren't you supposed to stop her?"
"If you really like someone, you have to learn to let that person go if she doesn't want to
stay. Chaining her and wanting to possess her is not a true love, WooHyuk."
KangTa was speaking in a lecturing tone, without him realizing it. He just pitied
WooHyuk for not knowing so much.
"Ha! That's your definition, KangTa. Very common. But I have my own definition. My
equation of love = possess. And besides, who told you that I loved her? I sure don't
remember telling you that," WooHyuk jerked.
"You're so twisted and crooked, it makes me sick," KangTa uttered out as he shook his
head in disbelief.
"So you don't know where she is, you say?" WooHyuk ignored his comment and went
on, "I guess I will have to find her on my own then...."
"Try all you want, see if you can. You failed in the last six years, how would you find her
now?"
KangTa spat out the words of sarcasm and walked out of WooHyuk's house.
WooHyuk clenched his fists hard as usual whenever he was planning something. He didn't
even pay attention to KangTa who stormed in and out of his house just a moment ago. It
was true that he couldn't find her in the past, but now, it would be different. KangTa had
graciously dropped him a clue as to how he could find her. His lips formed into a sneer.
'Hide and seek time is over, LeeHaNeul.'