Fan Fiction |
by chinay
HaNeul found out what WooHyuk meant when he said she wouldn't have to see him
again. There was an outhouse within the residence that was far away from the actual
mansion. Unless someone bothered to walk for ten minutes to reach her, it was quite a
seclusion. He literally meant it when he told her that he was still keeping her in his house,
but she hadn't seen him almost for three months now.
She didn't know what his intentions of doing this were, but she was somewhat satisfied.
WooHyuk would never truly free her. Even if she lived hundred miles away from him, she
would constantly be reminded of him anyhow because she had EunWoo.
This was the way to keep both of them pleased... at least on her part.
"Oh my..." Tony took a glance at WooHyuk and stated bluntly, "you look like sh*t."
"Thanks," replied WooHyuk sarcastically.
"I go away for 10 weeks on a business trip and come back, and you look like this already.
Where are they?"
Tony peeped around WooHyuk's room but there was no sign of femininity.
"Where are who?" WooHyuk sat on the edge of his bed and faced the window.
"You know, your wife and your clone child. Hello??"
Tony waved his hand in front of WooHyuk's face, who was staring blankly at the window.
WooHyuk slowly got up and walked towards the window. Tony followed him out of
curiosity.
"Do you see that house over there?"
Tony nodded as he peeked out the window. "Isn't that the house you built a few years
back with all the tulips in the garden?"
"Yeah. She lives there now."
Tony's face fell, but soon enough, he understood in his head why. He motioned
WooHyuk to continue.
"I haven't seen her since the first morning. But I see her from here, this window,
everyday. It's so tempting to just run to her and drag her back here, but I don't. I'm happy
just knowing that we live under the same atmosphere."
Tony glanced at his friend who spoke in a scarred, dry voice, letting out paradoxical
statements. He sees her, but he doesn't. He is supposedly content, but is he really?
"I have EunWoo come to me everyday though... I read him books and play soccer with
him. Pretty soon I'll teach him how to play violin when his fingers grow big enough to
play. It would be fun, don't you think?"
"You are not really happy, are you?" Tony asked in his response. WooHyuk stayed silent
to that.
"You have her like you wanted now. Then why aren't you happy?" Tony asked again
purposefully.
"No one knows what it feels like....to have someone so close, yet so far. What it feels like
to have someone neither love nor hate me... to have someone just deny me right in front of
my eyes as if I'm invisible."
"But WooHyuk, how do you justify all the things you did?" said Tony sharply.
He had never seen WooHyuk's face so cloudy and depressed, filled with so much remorse.
"She became so animated whenever KangTa was around. He could make her cry, laugh,
smile.....But all she showed me was a straight face with no expression. It wasn't her fault,
but I was so angry and jealous... at how a person could completely ignore me like that. If
I kept on hurting her, someday she would respond... that's what I thought."
"In turn, you hurt KangTa too..." murmured Tony.
"I didn't see him, I just saw her. It's like, when you want someone, you become more
reckless and blind. You should know that better," hinted WooHyuk.
Tony backed up this time, for it was true. He sighed, not knowing what to do. How
would he know what WooHyuk feels, begging for HaNeul to at least hate him? Nothing
could be sadder than wishing for hatred from someone.
"The other day, EunWoo asked me why I wasn't living with his mom. How was I
supposed to answer that? He asks me a lot of questions that I don't know the answers to."
"If you keep on showing her that you really do love her, someday you will be able to
answer those questions," said Tony.
WooHyuk looked at him momentarily and showed a frail smile.
"Yesterday, he came up to me and said, 'is mommy cursed too? Cuz she's got blue eyes
and she told me only cursed people have blue eyes.' Will I ever be able to answer that?
What am I supposed to tell him, that I was her childhood tormentor who told her that her
eyes were the ugliest thing in the world?"
The conversation led to a frustrating direction and Tony maintained his muteness.
Then something dawned on him. He has never seen WooHyuk cry before. But WooHyuk
didn't need to cry to display how he was feeling inside.
Like now, when he was incredibly hurt, his face would show it all. Expressionless, somber
face that only he had.
_
HaNeul was watering her garden when she was greeted with a surprise visit.
"JaeWon!" she turned off the hose and ran up to him, "what are you doing here? You
didn't even call to say you were coming!"
"I just dropped by to see how my favorite nephew was doing," he chuckled. HaNeul
narrowed her eyes.
"You only have one nephew, JaeWon."
"Oh, that's right! Duh, LeeJaeWon!" he slapped his forehead sheepishly, "how old is he
now anyway?"
"He'll be 6 in May," she replied. JaeWon nodded, then a complaint followed.
"And I'm not even married. How sad is that!"
"What, your mother hasn't found you anyone yet?" she asked. JaeWon shook his head no.
"I guess you will remain a bachelor forever then. At least you did some good of saving a
poor soul out there that would've been unfortunate enough to marry you," she said
jokingly and turned the hose back on, in order to finish what she was doing before he
came.
"Hey!" he retaliated, "where do you get off dissing me like that!"
"I have a hose and you don't. Enough said," she grinned mischievously as she watered
the tulips.
JaeWon took a step back and scrutinized the scene. It was portrayed like a picture
without a frame; how she seemed very happy living in a small house, watering her favorite
flowers, away yet so close from her confusion.
"Noona," he called, "until when are you going to live here like this?"
"Until I find a house to live," she replied shortly.
"No, I meant, when are you going back into the house to live with WooHyuk?" he
rephrased his question.
HaNeul turned the hose off again and set it down on the ground this time.
"Is that what you came here to ask? Or did he send you out here to ask me that?" she
gave him a dismal gaze and rejoined.
"No. You know what I mean. Why do you do this yourself?" JaeWon began raising his
voice scantily. She raised her eyebrow and demanded an explanation for his ambiguity.
"What are you talking about? If you came to say these things, then..."
"You know you want to love him."
JaeWon broke her off abruptly and stated explicitly. Her profound blue eyes turned frigid
at his unexpected words.
"What..."
"You shield yourself with indifference, pretend that nothing he does hurts you so you can
say that you have no feelings for him. I applaud at your excellent acting skills, but stop
doing that to yourself."
JaeWon's contentions clashed with HaNeul's fierce and delirious holler.
"What the hell are you talking about?! You are not making any sense!"
"You've brainwashed yourself so completely that you don't even know, but you do love
him. The only reason you convince yourself that you don't love him is because you can't
forgive yourself for falling for him," JaeWon pinpointed.
"Shut up! You don't know anything! Love was when I loved KangTa! Love was what I
felt for him, the one that WooHyuk had to destroy!" she shouted in retort, attempting to
hold her emotions from bursting out. She was trying so hard to not lose herself in front of
this abhorrent, confronting individual.
JaeWon was distressed by her stubbornness and started spitting out words he knew for
sure would make her hate him.
"Noona! The one you and KangTa had was too good, too perfect! But life isn't like that.
He was going to marry someone else anyway, and so were you. Why can't you come out
to reality and know that you don't live in a fairy tale anymore?!"
"I know I don't!" she yelled, "I'm too stained to hold my spot in that perfect picture I once
had, but that doesn't mean I belong to WooHyuk. Never."
"You don't know it now, but you will realize sooner or later that you do."
JaeWon asserted meanly with confidence.
HaNeul took a step back and inhaled deeply. She shook her head that made herself look
like she was in a strong denial. JaeWon saw her through and showed no sign of dropping
the subject.
"Just get out of here, JaeWon," she whispered semi-imperatively, finally giving up, "just
leav...."
They were both immensely surprised when she bent down suddenly and started
nauseating. JaeWon rushed over to her side and patted her back gently to stop the
commotion.
"Are you okay? I didn't mean to upset you like this," he apologized sincerely, but she
shook his hand away in return.
"No.. get away... I'm fine. Just leave me alone."
But her vomiting grew worse as JaeWon stood in dismay. At that moment, a dreaded
notion went across her mind.
'I can't be... am I?'
It was clearly the sign of new spirit's arrival. .
============
Within the next two days, HaNeul couldn't digest any food, otherwise she would end up
throwing up. She fell asleep and never woke up for the rest of the day.
When she did barely regain her alertness, she sensed very soft fingertips stroking her right
shoulder blade area where her finely imprinted scar WooHyuk gave her lasted.
Despite the softness of its palpation, the fingertips were shivery. From that, she knew
right away who was next to her.
"You are awake," an aloof voice rang in her head as she opened her eyes. Everything
was a blur to her vision, but she could precisely see WooHyuk's gaunt face that she hadn't
seen for quite a while now. She slowly dragged herself in an upright position.
"It must be the cold you have. EunWoo told me you weren't waking up so I had to come
and see what was up," said WooHyuk and he showed her his open palm, "take this. It
should make you feel better."
She took a look at the two pills he held. They looked like aspirin.
"No thanks," she refused.
"Take them, before I force them down your throat," he commanded, highly disliking
himself for only using this kind of tone to her when speaking.
She felt something inside her, a feeling she could not describe, at the moment he talked.
"I said I don't want them!" she snapped at him.
For once, she could've sworn that his face looked as if he was hurt. But a moment later,
he went back to himself.
"It must mean you're okay since you are yelling at me," he said with sarcasm in his voice,
"my visit must have been meaningless then."
"You know it was," she informed.
WooHyuk didn't say anything. Instead, he just looked at her, whose head was turned
away from him and facing out the window.
He was planning to break out some surprising news to her. He began out stiffly.
"My parents want to send me to the States. They think it'd be a good experience for me
to stay there for few years and learn more about operating the company. I..."
"I'm not going with you."
As if she read his mind, she cut him off.
"I knew you were going to tell me that," he replied, hiding his disappointment, "but no
matter what, I'm still taking EunWoo."
She suddenly turned her body to face him with a distorted look on her face. WooHyuk
knew he won. His agenda was that if he told her he was taking EunWoo, she would
surely come. She would never let go of her son.
"Go ahead...."
Breaking his estimation was her words lacking passion for anything.
"Go ahead. Take him. See if I care. Just take away everything I have and I still wouldn't
care. I was sick of him anyway. Actually, let me 'beg' you, please take him away from me
so I can breathe and actually have a life."
WooHyuk's jaws dropped open. He could not believe what he was hearing from her, so-
called mother of the boy.
"You do not mean that, HaNeul."
He stood up from his chair.
"How could you be so heartless and cruel? I cannot believe you!"
"Hahaha!" her cynical laughter scattered in the air, "Heartless and cruel? Me?"
WooHyuk was at complete loss of his words. Her face was basically telling him not to
dare call her those vile names, for what he had done to her was much worse.
"Both of you, just go and never come back. Hell, I'm getting out of this house as soon as
I find enough strength."
"You are just saying that," WooHyuk muttered, "but you don't really mean it."
"I do mean it!" she broke out in a cry, "just leave, okay? Don't ever show up in front of
me again! Tell him that his mommy abandoned him because she doesn't love him. If he
asks why, tell him that I never wanted him, the only reason I had him was because...."
'Because .... why did I have him? Why didn't I just get rid of him?'
She couldn't answer herself. She didn't need to anyhow, for WooHyuk didn't want to hear
anymore of her, it stabbed him like crazy and he couldn't bear the pain. He ran out of the
room, out of the pretty house he built for her.
She stayed still in her dark room.
'You know you want to love him. Stop doing this to yourself.'
JaeWon's words echoed in her clattered mind. She tried to shake his voice away, but it
encircled her like a haunting ghost.
"No...no... no way. I do not... I would never."
She catered herself with comfort.
But deep down in her conscience, the place where she hadn't explored, she knew she was
lying to herself.
=============
"It's about 8 weeks old. Take care of yourself, eat well, and be careful not to take
medications like aspirin."
She was right. Another being was growing inside her.
Another one of WooHyuk.
"Here's your next appointment, ma'am," the registrar handed her a name card, "visit with
your husband next time."
HaNeul gave her a bitter smile.
As she walked out of the hospital, thousands of different thoughts attacked her. She
missed EunWoo indescribably, but he was no longer in her reach. WooHyuk punished her
for her inadvertent words by really taking him away from her.
She knew one phone call could stop him. But did she have a reason?
Without even realizing, her eyes searched for a phone box. She didn't know why, but she
was walking towards it across the street.
It was the green light, when all the cars should have stopped.
But everything had an exception. Like the one truck that ignored the signal and rushed
towards her in unstoppable speed.
It happened all too fast. Within 1 or 2 seconds. When her body, that was not just hers,
soared high in the sky, everything started to be clear.
Her life flashed in front of her like a microfilm. First, she saw her dear parents. Ironically,
this was exactly how her dear mother died when she was 8 years-old. In a car accident.
Then she saw KangTa. The picture that was too perfect to exist in this dirty world.
When she felt her life being drained out of her upon the hit of the cold and hard cement,
she finally realized that JaeWon was right all along.
She did love WooHyuk.
It came to her gradually, after their first night of the wedding. She would have denied it to
the end, if it weren't for the moment like now, when she wanted to see him like she never
had. When his cold lips whispered against her skin because he couldn't tell her outloud
how much he loved her, when he appeared hurt and worried when she was ill, when her
son came to her after seeing him and told her how much he loves his child... those were
enough to wash away all the evil deeds he had done to her. Yet she never gave herself a
chance to acknowledge that.
Now it was too late.
'...What I love is the fact that you exist... that you are alive.'