| Fan Fiction |
by crazyLOVE1023
`_______________________`
He only stared “You... love ....me?” he asked, in a disbelief. I forced my head to nod. Ignoring Yunho's angry breaths. I tried to picture myself with Seunghyun, it seemed bright and happy. But there was that lingering feeling of guilt and shame. Was i willing to love Seunghyun out of guilt? Would i be able to love him with shame? Could i bring myself to drag him down with me?
No i couldn't.
“I love you” lying worked a little better now, all i had to do was convince myself. It was not as easy as it sounded, nothing is ever easy when it came to love. He stared at my face, he looked down to the dirt on the ground. I wondered if he thought of me. “I could try to believe you, i really could.” he said, his eyes never leaving the ground. “But i wouldn't be able to bring myself to love someone who is in love with the idea of me.” he said, placing his hands deep into his pockets. “I can try” he whispered, i felt like crying but my eyes were dry.
Then the words came flying to me.
“SLUT”
“WHORE”
“GO DIE”
“YOU DON'T DESERVE ANYONE TO LOVE YOU”
Seunghyun put ear phones in my ears as he gave me his Ipod, it was loud enough to drown the voices out. He grabbed my hand as he pulled me away from the crowd. Leaving everyone, leaving Yunho. We got out of the school and into the parking lot, it was easy to find his car. He gently escorted me to the passenger seat, he opened the door. I went in without a word, he closed the door.
I watched him as he walked in front of the car and to the driver's side. He went in without a word.
I took off the earphones, closing the Ipod. I placed it in one of those cup holders, he didn't dare to tear his eyes off of the road.
“Jaejoong, why are you doing this to me? There is no competition between Yunho and me, you know that. You know that Yunho would win easily.” he said, he startled me. I couldn't respond, i had no answer. He drove a little faster, his grip on the wheel tightened. He was angry, had i made him angry enough to tell me to go away? Was i counting on it? I really didn't know.
“I'm sorry” i whispered, afraid my voice would give away my scared heart. He stopped the car, parking on the side of the road.
I'm sorry wasn't good enough. He caressed my face. “Jae, you know i can never hurt you. No matter how much you lie to get me to love you. I do but i can't love you if you don't love me” he whispered, his eyes were closed, his eyebrows pulled together. A sign that he was thinking hard, I closed my eyes too. His warm hands felt good against my cheeks. I wished that everything stood still for a second, everything, my heart, Seunghyun.
Time.
“I can't kiss you” he whispered, i hadn't realized that i was leaning towards him. I fought back a blush. “Oh, sorry” i whispered back, it was like we feared someone would hear us. He chuckled as he messed up my hair. “'s okay” he said, leaning away back into his seat, making himself comfortable. I hadn't given any thought to what this meant, were we going to start a relationship if i really tried to love him? Or were we going to remain friends and stay that way forever. The second option seemed so appealing. “I really do love you” i said, looking at his handsome face. He turned his head to look at me. “Not the way you love me but i do” i added, placing my hand on top of his. He smiled a half smile, “You'll realize that you're in love with me” he said, grinning at me childishly. He was pushing, urging it. He counted on it. “I am not!” i said, ripping my hand from his. I folded my arms across my chest. I wasn't and i wasn't going to give him anymore false hope. I was going to hurt him, and i didn't want to.
He laughed, it was a nice sound. I hadn't heard it in a while. It was hard not to smile back. “I'm kidding” he said, shaking his head at the joke i very willingly believed. Am i a bad person to hope that i was in love with him? He seemed so right, he was nice, he was funny, easy to be around with. Easy to talk to. Nearly perfect, i frowned. I realized that my heart didn't yearn for him. It yearned for Yunho.
“We're not meant to be” seemed to be the perfect explanation for our relationship. Even if we tried really hard, it wouldn't work. I hoped that he found someone he deserved, someone whole and not someone who was as torn up as i was.
I had come to realize that Seunghyun was more like my best friend than anything else. He comforted me when i needed to be, he listened when i felt like letting things out. He didn't force himself on me like Taeyang. That counted for something right? That he wasn't after me for sex, he must have really wanted to be my friend.
“Thank you” i said, smiling at him. He raised his eyebrows in confusion. “For being my friend” i said, trying to be casual about it. He nodded stiffly, i had made it awkward...again. I wanted to smack myself with a stick, i always said things at the wrong time. Why?
“Thanks for brightening up the mood” he said sarcastically, smiling his half smile that i favoured. I laughed, it sounded strange in my ears.
“Let's go to the mall” i said to him, he nodded as he drove away. I looked outside the window as we drove in comfortable silence. I watched the cars drive by, the colours were so dull. Black, white and grey. Was life like that? So colourless? I hoped not.
* * *
We walked around the crowded mall, we held hands. It was his “idea” he was “scared” that i was going to be “kidnapped”, i sighed. Paranoid bastard. It sounded fishy to me! But i held his hand anyway, it felt good. After a while i had forgotten that i was holding his hand, i enjoyed myself.
He took me home.
“See you later Seung” i said to him as i waved. He drove away with a smile. I sighed, my heart felt all right. I didn't think I'd survive the day. I laughed.
I went inside the house. It seemed too quiet, it was almost scary. The lights were off.
“Hello?” i said nervously, it felt empty.
I heard muffled sounds. I felt my heart beat go faster, did someone murder my family?
I entered the living room, i saw a dark figure sitting on the couch. I heard a click and the lamp beside the couch turned on. I was shocked by what i saw.
It was my sister.
“what are you doing here?” i asked, pulling my eyebrows together. “I'm here because Junsu asked. He said that you had problems with your relationship with your boyfriend?” She said, watching me with a strange look in her eyes. “Stop kidding around Hana” i said, seriously! I though she was some murderer. She let out an evil laugh. “I'm not going anywhere baby brother” she smirked.
Oh shit.
* * *
Yunho POV.
Everything seemed to be falling apart, i felt hurt. The pain was so much it numbed the rest of my body. I dragged my feet to my car. Junsu and Yoochun had invited me to eat supper at Junsu's house. You know, to forget things. Junsu said that Jae won't be there, he said that he lived with his sister's place now. I frowned. I went into my car and left.
I arrived at the Kim Mansion, everything seemed strange. Out of place, i shrugged. It was probably my imagination. I got out of my car and walked towards the mansion. I hadn't realized before that the Kim mansion looked so creepy, maybe because it was night time. I knocked on the door.
The door opened immediately. “hello, you must be Yunho” said a woman, she looked about twenty something years old. She looked so much like Jaejoong. My heart began to beat at my ribcage. I nodded, not trusting my own voice. “Come in, come in” she said, opening the door for me, i walked in and took off my shoes. I looked around. No sign of Yoochun or Junsu. “Everyone is in the dinning room” she said, walking toward that direction. I followed her. And she was right everyone was there. Smiling at me like we were in some happy fucking movie. They welcomed me. I sat down where i used to sit, usually Jaejoong sat down next to me but that seat was empty. Like everything else in life. It was empty. “Hey Yunho” greeted Junsu, who was grinning like an idiot. “Hey” i said, trying my best at smiling. I noticed that Junsu's parents were not here. “This is my cousin Hana, she's watching over me while my parents went to Hawaii” he explained. I nodded, i had a strange feeling about this.
* * *
Jaejoong POV.
What the hell? What the hell was my sister doing? She locked me in my room, she said that she was going to thank me later for it. What the fuck? I didn't bother screaming. I was going here anyway. I took off my shirt with a sigh.
I took a nice hot shower. I went out, and put on my favourite PJ's.
I sat down on my bed, almost everything was packed now. Maybe a little nap was a good idea.
Then again, my sis might come in and throw me out of the window. I chuckled, right...throw me out the window. I stared at my mirror, stared at the reflection that stared back at me. I saw every lie that lay beneath. Does self pity make me a bad person? Would self harm make me a bad person? It didn't make sense to me, self harm was just a way to say fuck you to life.
I didn't want to say fuck you to life, not at all. I wanted to spit in its face and tell it to kill itself.
I sighed, “Shit..” i whispered as i looked around my tidy room. Extra tidying might help me get me mind off of things. Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.
(Meanwhile, downstairs)
Yunho had only stared at the talkative couple. He didn't say anything, they didn't seem to notice. Hana had been talking about Jae as a child, Yunho did his best to ignore her. But her words were embedded into his mind, trying so hard not to picture Jaejoong as a chubby 12 year old. Who loved to eat donuts and sing.
What caught his attention was the water being turned on upstairs, he knew very well who it was but he stayed. Wanted to see what was going to come for the night, he really didn't care if he was going get hurt anymore, it didn't hurt. Not really.
He didn't know what was going to happen but he was anticipating it, he wanted something to happen, after all. That was the reason he came here. He looked around the kitchen, he noticed Skip sleeping in the corner of the room. If he didn't know better he'd assume that the puppy was dead, but he saw that Skip was breathing, his little body moving up and down.
He hadn't payed attention to what Junsu and Yoochun was saying, he looked at them. They waited for an answer. He didn't say anything.
“Yeah, yeah. I agree” he said, hoping that it would make it seem like he was listening. Junsu frowned. “He wasn't even listening!” he thought, looking at Yoochun, who was as annoyed as he was.
But Yoochun was quick to hide it, “Yunho, Junsu said that there's something in his room for you. You know where Jaejoong's room used to be.” he said, carefully choosing his words. Yunho nodded stiffly, knowing that they were lying to him.
He got up and walked into the hallway, away from staring eyes.
But he hadn't noticed the dark figure that stood by the stairway, he flinched as he saw her. “Yunho...Are you going to hurt my brother?” she asked, folding her arms across her chest. “He hurt himself” was his answer, not really he wanted to say. But his cold exterior was taking a hold of him, masking him. She glared at him, she grabbed him by the collar as she pushed him against the wall.
“You better make a choice Yunho, a good one. Because i swear if my brother tries to kill himself because of you again. I'm going to castrate you. He doesn't know how to take care of himself, he's always been like that. You know when i said he was a chubby 12 year old? He was getting bullied in school, he took a whole bottle of dieting pills. Nearly killed him. So Yunho, you better take care of him. He's pretty impossible to be with, trust me. I've lived with him for the first 17 years of his life.” She growled, Yunho's cold exterior melted away.
“He may say he could take care of himself, but he's always going to be the one that needs to be taken care of. He's...special. He's my baby brother, Yunho. I cannot lose him to his first love.” her expression softened. She let go of Yunho, realizing that she might be scaring the boy. She had always had problems with her anger.
“I'm sorry” she said, brushing invisible dust off of his shoulder. “Yeah, it's okay” he said breathlessly. He quickly ran up the stairs. It must have looked weird, he was so much taller than she was yet she pushed him and scared him without really trying. He let out a deep breath, trying to prepare himself before going into Jaejoong's room. Prepare himself, making sure the shield stayed strong, just in case Jaejoong was going to decide to say things that were painful.
He opened the door, and was surprised to see Jaejoong sitting by the window, with the window open.
Jaejoong turned his head, expecting to see his sister but it was Yunho.
Yunho was in his room, he didn't know what to do. But the butterflies in his stomach decided to make him fly too.
Yunho watched while his life, his everything fall out of the window.
He screamed for him.
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A/N...Again: If you want to check out other fics by me you should check this one out.
http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/crazyLOVE1023_2/
It's about a teenaged boy who finds himself going downhill after meeting a bizarre couple. He finds himself doing a lot of bad things for a blond. PS: It's rated R XD.
Read it...Pwease? ^.^
Comment reply time!
@sapphire8: Thanks for leaving a comment, don't worry they won't be separated anymore!
@aw.shin: ._______________. Did i disappoint you? I'm sorry. T^T.
@san2708: I LURVE YOU!! :) Thanks for leaving a comment. Jae isn't in love with Seunghyun but he loves him for different reasons. And Yunho is trying to find a way to cope through the pain of losing Jaejoong.
@uchihahime :3
@123: Yes. It is. :)
@Daisy: OMG! i wondered if you were still reading! I'm good, I'm good! XD. I missed you too~! XD :P