| Fan Fiction |
by QiaoKeLi
Title: Test Of Love
Author: QiaoKeLi
Fanfic link: http://winglin.net/fanfic/cremecaramel
Reviewer: angelheartED
Title: 8/10
My first impression when I saw your title was that the story was about two couples having a crisis (eg. Arguments, divorce) and that only their love can tide them through this, so they’ll testing their love.
It struck me as common and overused, but personally, I like the title. :)
Poster & Background: 10/10
The poster is really nice. It seems like I love every poster with a flower blended in. The effect is just so beautiful! I just love every detail, including the tiny stars. The background, too.
Forewords: 4/10
Your forewords should be a prologue or a preview. Or maybe just an actual chapter to start off the story? Just saying that the story is about Chun and Ella’s married life won’t interest the readers into reading your fanfic. It is a shame, really, as your story is quite nice but your forewords doesn’t say so. But a dream-based story, is well, interesting! :)
Plot & Creativity: 9/10
Plot wise, I think that you have developed it quite well. The use of cliffhangers is simple yet effective. I love the sweet scenes between Ella and Chun. Chun is caring as to surprising her and during their honeymoon! The part when they escaped from the hospital is simply hilarious!
Creativity wise, it’s not nearly there yet. It is very cliché and similar to other story plots I’ve read, yet I really do enjoy reading your story for some unknown reasons. :)
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 21/30
Your spelling is alright. Your vocabulary is alright. But your grammar isn’t good.
One, your tenses. Sometimes, you wrote in past tense and sometimes in present tense. Care to type out your stories in MS Word for it to check your grammar for you and read the whole chapter carefully before you post it.
Example 1:
‘She park her car and went inside the house.’
‘Park’ is present tense and ‘went’ is past tense. Therefore, it should be ‘parked’. Also, even if the story is in present tense, it should be ‘parks’.
Two, your capital letters. There are many incidents where unnecessary caps are used and some where caps are needed but you did not put it. When typing out a name (eg. A country’s name), caps must be used.
Example 1:
‘Im Fine’.
‘Im’ isn’t even a word, it should be I’m. Also, don’t you think ‘Fine’ should be ‘fine’ instead?
Three, your punctuation. There is no need for extra exclamation and question marks, including putting the exclamation and question marks together, like ‘?!’. Normally in this case, the exclamation mark is omitted is it is a question.
Example 1:
‘Shhhhhhh!!!!!!!!’
Too many exclamation marks! One is enough.
Example 2:
"Oh! Jie..ermmm,..nothing’
There is no need for the comma, it can be omitted.
Four, your prepositions. There are some places where you put the wrong prepositions.
Example 1:
‘Everybody was shocked on reporter's question’
It should be, ‘shocked by the reporter's’, if I’m not wrong.
I hope that you won’t mind me listing out these examples. I felt like there is a need to do so as just saying the general explanation might not let you understand your mistakes. Hope it helped. :)
Writing style: 8/10
Your writing style is alright, but there’re too many conversations and not much descriptions.
Characters: 8/10
CE forever! :) But perhaps the characters could be developed further to let readers understand them? Like showing more of their inner thoughts. If not, the characters are faceless, and are just in the story like a white blank in our minds. (I’m sorry that my explanation is bad, but I hope you get what I mean.)
But really, I can’t blame you, it’s really hard to make the characters ‘come alive’. I can’t even do it myself, I can’t exactly demand you to do so too. But going for the extra mile can just make your story stand out from the crowd.
Flow: 9/10
The flow of your story is just right, though I thought Ah Sa’s role can be touched up more, but then again, your story’s not completed yet. There were so many more scenes to write, what happened before Chun and Ella’s marriage, during the wedding, etc.
Bonus: 3/5
For replying to readers
I think that you’ve really put in effort in writing this, and that’s what I appreciate the most. :)
Total score: 80/105
You need not be disappointed by your marks.
There’s always room for improvement.
Keep up the good work and strive on! :)
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Author's note: THANK YOU FOR CHARMING ELEGANCE and to angelheartED FOR MY REVIEW.. I'm so happy about it.hehe..thank's again!