| Fan Fiction |
by QiaoKeLi
Story Link; http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/cremecaramel/
Author; QiaoKeLi
Reviewer; Starlite.
Appearance; Poster, Background, Font. -- [9/15] Points
` The poster and background compliments each other quite well and is well made. However, the font of the links and title does not match at all. The pink and magenta matches the background color rather poorly – points off for that. Perhaps you could have used the same color as you did for the main text.
Forewords; Description, Small summary. -- [2/10] Points
` Your forewords is the first impression the reader gets of your story aside from the title and layout, so it should lure the reader in. Personally, your forewords did not leave an impression on me and from the summary you had, it already hinted that your story was probably going to be cliched. The paragraph before your summary was quite unnecessary and just took up space. You could have expanded on your summary and introduced the characters and/or gave an excerpt of the story to come.
Title; Relates with the story in some way. -- [7/10] Points
` Your title does match your story since Chun and Ella's love have to survive the media and the interfering third person. With all these obstacles in the way, I guess they are trying to test their love for each other. Though, your title also leaves an impression on a reader or passerby and this personally struck me as an overused idea. But the title and story compliments each other well.
Flow of story; Is the story moving to fast? Is it confusing? -- [4/15] Points
` I think your story moved too fast and at the same time didn't seem to be moving at all. You did not tell us anything about their relationship before their marriage, and just dived into a scene weeks after their marriage when you started at Chapter 1. You lacked a lot of information from the past. Even if you didn't include that in the story, you probably could have included that in the forewords just to give your readers some background information. Flashbacks can be something important to a story, but if you don't write it correctly, the flow of a story won't be really smooth and consistent. It also occurred to me that you seemed to have been jumping from scene to scene, making it seem as if you rushed through chapters and didn't really bother checking if the pace was decent. Switching POV's too often blocks the original flow you had your story going, so try to stick to one POV for a while.
Originality; Is the storyline or the ideas overused? -- [4/10] Points
` Like I said, your forewords already hinted that your story was going to be those typical, cliched plot lines. I have read and seen many fanfictions with celebrities who fall in love with each other, but had to hide their relationship from their fans. This is not new to me, but it may to another.
Grammar/Spelling; Is the story free from grammar/spelling errors? -- [2/10] Points
` Your grammar was quite poor throughout the story. You lacked capitalization in various places through the story, and in others, you capitalized when it wasn't necessary. Proper nouns should always be capitalized [i.e.: Singapore, Fahrenheit, Hebe, etc.] and common words such as fine and how don't need to be capitalized unless it's the beginning of a new sentence. Your tenses were not correct either. When you mention something in the past or future, you kept using the present tense. In many places when you used conjunctions, you lacked apostrophes as well [i.e.: Im >> I'm].
Story format; Does the story keep the same structure? -- [4/10] Points
` Personally, I thought that you had way too much dialogue in certain chapters and not enough adjectives/descriptions explaining everything around the main characters. So instead of having so much dialogue, you could try writing paragraphs about the surroundings and the character's thoughts. Your chapter lengths aren't really quite consistent; some are longer than the others.
Charisma; Does the story keep reader wanting more? -- [4/10] Points
` Your story doesn't seem to have much depth, and you seem to be writing because you just feel like it. When I look at it, it just doesn't seem like you put a lot of thought into your writing and it appears rushed. To repeat myself, your plot isn't new to me so I, personally, wouldn't be interested to continue reading. Though, this is just my opinion and may be different to people who are fans of this coupling.
Overall Enjoyment; Reviewer's enjoyment of the story. -- [3/10] Points
` I can't say I really enjoyed your story, but I can give you points for some effort at least, seeing that you, yourself, stated that your English isn't quite good. Please don't be discouraged with my critique and I hope you do take my recommendations into consideration.
Total Points;
39/100