Fan Fiction |
by SweetHope
Inside an old apartment building there is an old cranky apartment rented by an old lady whose last wishes are to have great-grandchildren. As you walk up the stairs this very day, you may hear shouts in this apartment.
Old lady: Raymond dear, don¡¦t you think its time you settle down and make some babies?
Raymond: Err.. I still want to explore the world, grandma.
Old lady: Raymond, you're 24, you don't need any more exploring. Settle down. Get married. Make children! Your little sister is already getting married and look at you, you are still standing here when you should be outside looking for a girlfriend.
Raymond: Grandma, I think I know when to get married.
His grandmother frowned.
Old lady: I mean it, get married and-
Raymond: Grandma-
She bonked him on the head with her wooden cane.
Old lady: Listen to me damn it! Get married!! At least get a girlfriend! I want great- grandchildren!
She bonks his head again.
Raymond: Okay okay! I¡¦ll- I¡¦ll try okay grandma? Just don't hit me again.
He rubs his head.
~Sheesh, grandmothers and their heavy canes.
Old lady: Listen, Raymond, you know I¡¦m getting old and I won¡¦t be here long. I just want to see my dear, Raymond happy.
She sniffs.
Raymond: Don't cry grandma. I promise ill get settled okay?
~As long as you're happy.
He comforts her and after a while, he bids her good-bye and leaves.
~How am I ever going to get a girlfriend? I am not hot, I am not cool. Hell I¡¦m not even rich!
Raymond lives in a house, but he's not rich. He¡¦s never talked to a girl, never contacted a girl and vows that he never will. If he gets married now, he'll be bounded at home with an annoying wife and stress with child support, but his grandma's last wish is to see him get married.
~Do I even have the guts to go up to a girl and ask her to go on a date with me?
He doesn't even have the guts to talk to one...
**In Michelle's office**
Michelle: Okay, so you want to pick up the dress today personally? Okay, I¡¦ll see you tomorrow then. Bye.
~Phew! Ms. Lam sure is a pest. Picking up the dress personally? Does she not trust us?
After a few more phone calls and more adjustments on the custom made dress that is just for Ms. Lam, it was finally lunch. Michelle grabbed her purse and rode the elevator downstairs and someone was waiting there in the front door just for her.
Outside the building, Raymond was leaning against his Mercedes Convertible, trying to look cool. He plans on asking Michelle to 'hang out' with him so it will look like he has a 'girlfriend' and no; he is not using a girl for his benefit. When his digital watch hit 12 noon, Michelle immerged from the building.
~Oh my god, what is he doing here?
Raymond: Hey.
Michelle:..Hi. What do you want?
Raymond. I want you to go on a ride in my ever so cool Mercedes Convertible.
Michelle: In your dreams.
~My BMW is way cooler than his Mercedes¡K
Raymond¡¦s dreams were crushed once these words escaped her mouth.
Raymond: Hey umm.. how about we chill out some place?
~Chill? You got to be kidding me!
Michelle: What¡¦s the catch?
Raymond looks around.
Raymond: There is no catch. Just a little hanging out, okay?
Michelle: No!
Raymond: Are you still angry about me pretending not to know you? How about this, I will treat you to lunch as an apology.
~Please say yes, please say yes¡K
Michelle: How many lunches?
Raymond: Umm today and tomorrow?
After five minutes, Michelle finally agreed to get into Raymond¡¦s car after arguing that they should take her BMW instead of Raymond¡¦s Mercedes Convertible.
**At a cheap restaurant**
Raymond decided that they should eat lunch here. It was filthy.
Michelle: Err nice¡Kplace¡K
Raymond: Yeah.
They ordered and while they waited, they made small talk.
Michelle: So¡Kwhy apologize now?
Raymond: Um, I realized that I was really wrong?
Michelle: Right.
Raymond: So, if I treat you to lunch tomorrow, you¡¦ll forgive me and be friends right?
Michelle: I¡¦ll consider it.
~Friends? Right¡K.
His face faltered.
Raymond: So what you do you want in a friend?
Michelle: Well, they have to be white, not chocolate, honest and loyal and I don't like know-it-all's.
Raymond: Not very high standards except for the chocolate part.
~Was she talking about me? I'm insulted. Is she racist??
Michelle: Why don't you lose your tan? And seriously what's with the dry skin? If you fix yourself maybe then we'll be friends.
Raymond scratches himself across the arm and shows the marks left behind.
Raymond: See dry skin.
Michelle: You are insane.
Raymond: And you are so racists, what is with you and dark-colored people?
Michlle: I can hardly call that racist. you don't look Chinese with dark skin.
Raymond: Insulting. I am 100% authentic Chinese for your information.
Michelle: Of course.
She snorts.
Raymond: C'mon give me a chance, you might even like me!
Michelle: Me? Like you? You're out of your mind.
Raymond: No, I am serious. Give it some time. I am sure you'll even LOVE me.
Michelle: Yeah, okay.
And then their food came.
*** In the girls¡¦ apartment***
Rain was sitting on the couch and eating cup noodles and getting comfortable when the doorbell rang.
~Oh great. Just when I don¡¦t want to get up.
~I wonder who it could be.
Rain peers into the peep hole and what she saw was totally unexpected.
Rain: What are you doing here, Ron?
Ron: Of course, another valuable lesson from the ever so famous Miss. Rain in my book!
Rain: So I am assuming your date with Leila went well?
Ron: It was okay. She kissed me on the cheek.
He pointed to a red lipstick mark left by Leila, which was still there.
Rain: Why didn¡¦t you clean it?
Ron: This it the first kiss she ever gave me. I must treasure it forever.
Rain: Don't tell me you're never going to wash it off.
Ron: Maybe...
Rain: This is insane!
Ron: So, what are you going to teach me today?
Rain looked at Ron, up and down and thought about his flaws for a few minutes.
Rain: Today's lesson: How to Be Romantic!
Ron: Romance? Are you kidding me? I am the most romantic person on earth!
Rain: So tell me now, what is your idea of a romantic dinner?
Ron: Dinner with two candles.
Rain cracks up and Ron could only stare.
~Don¡¦t you think it¡¦s romantic? I think so.
Rain: Oh my god. I can't breathe. You call that romantic? You¡¦ve got to be sick to your mind!
Ron: I¡¦m not. The last time I checked, I am healthy.
Rain: Let¡¦s hope there wasn¡¦t any error.
Ron: What do YOU think is romantic, huh?
Rain: Well, that's what I¡¦m going to teach you. Romance doesn't always have to be dinner and have... candles. It means that you are to bring comfort, warmth and sweetness to your partner.
Ron: Wow, that's a lot of stuff. How do you do that?
Rain: first, you have to work on your style a bit.
She stares at his baggy pants. They are soo out of date!
Rain: Those clothes have got to go.
Ron: I don¡¦t have money to buy new clothes. Besides, I like these. They are really comfy!
Rain: A girl won't feel comfortable with an out-of-date boyfriend.
Ron: Okay okay. Fine. Let¡¦s go get some clothes.
And so, Rain and Ron spent nearly three hours buying new and up to date clothing for Ron. And if you're wondering how Ron managed to pay for these, he 'borrowed' money from Rain.
Rain: Now, we have to add more to your vocabulary...
Ron: Which is perfectly fine.
Rain:.. You¡¦re "whassup", "hey", "gotta" and all those other words has got to.go.
Ron: But-
Rain: No buts. You should use, "honeybun, sweetie, dear honey" and all those more often.
Ron¡¦s eyebrows stitched together.
Ron: But their so... corny!
Rain: They are not! They¡¦re sweet.
Ron: Fine then, honeybun.
Rain froze.
Rain: No no no. You got it all wrong. You don¡¦t call ME, your friend that. You call your GIRLFRIEND, Leila, that. Understood?
Ron: Yeah...whatever you say sweetie.
Ron fluttered his eyes at Rain.
Rain: So anyway... I think you're okay now. This lesson is over.
Ron: No wait! What should I do on our next date? Where should I bring her??
Rain: Well... try bringing her to somewhere peaceful like... like a beach house or something.
Ron: But I can't afford a beach house!!
Rain: Bring her to your house. Cook dinner for her. That¡¦s sweet.
Ron: My apartment is messy. Hey I know! You can help me clean it up!
Rain: Very funny. No.
~He must be out of his mind.
Ron: Why??
Rain: Because I am not going to waste my time and energy. Besides, I have work.
Ron: No please, I beg you! Please!!
After many pleas from our poor helpless romantic, Rain finally gave in.
Rain: I¡¦ll see if I can drop by tomorrow.
Ron: Yay!! My apartment no. is 1414.
Rain: Okay...
~Woah! His apartment no. is die, die¡K.Interesting.
Ron: NOW the lesson is over. Bye!!
Rain waved and watched Ron go down the stairs and out of her apartment. Rain sighs.
~He finally left.
Rain was feeling extremely hot.
~Why is it so hot in here?
She thought back to when Ron called her "sweetie". It felt unusual. Is rain falling for her best friend's boyfriend?
~Nah. Bosco is way cuter and hotter than Ron. Bosco is better than him like 15 times. Why? Three reasons why. One he got a job. Two he knows how to flirt. Three he thinks I am pretty.
~Yeah! Bosco is way better than Ron. Ron is just an annoying friend.
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We dedicate this chapter to Alex aka Herbonia aka Xan!!