| Fan Fiction |
by D14
Title: 5/5
I found that the title matches the story perfectly.
Poster/Background: 9/10
I like it. The poster is nice and simple, and I can read the words clearly, though you could have added a quote. The background has simple colours, and I was able to read the text properly.
Forewords: 10/10
I found the forewords good. You gave us a preview of the story and you also gave us it's details (Title, author, rating, ect). Full marks ;D
Plot: 14/15
I found the plot really good! The only thing I think you could have planned a bit more, was the ending and how Yunho fell in love with the main character. Overalll I think it was a fine plot :D
Creativity/Originality: 10/10
I found this pretty original, seeing as I haven't seen this kind of story before :D
Flow: 7/10
I found it a bit rushed for a oneshot. At first she's dreaming about herself and Yunho confessing to each other, then moved onto her waking up and finding that she's engaged to Yunho. That was perfectly fine, though when you started talking about her having lunch with the Yunho and the other members of Dong Bang Shin Ki, it started to move faster. One minute she was having lunch with DBSK, but the next minute she was with Yunho on a hill. I felt like you could describe the scene on a hill a bit more., add detail to make it interesting. After the scene on the hill, she went to have dinner with Yunho, then Yunho asks her for a dance. After their short dance, he proposes to her officially. I think that you could have extended this and said why he fell in love with the main character within a day.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
I took some points off because I found some grammar mistakes, such as the following:
You wrote: I stood up and opened the door. I walked lazily down stair, did not bother to wash my face, let alone brush my teeth first. I yawned lightly, rubbing my still a part closed eyes. I entered the kitchen, searching for Umma, wishing for a glass of milk and a slice of pancake.
Should be: I stood up and opened the door. I walked lazily down the stairs, and did not bother to wash my face, let alone brush my teeth. I yawned lightly, rubbing my eyes that were still partially closed, I entered the kitchen looking for Umma, wishing for a glass of milk and some pancakes.
You wrote: We stepped in and gosh, we were welcomed by 4 other angels. Yeah, they were none other than Youngwoung Jaejoong, the gorgeous man who owned the Angel's look and Angel's voice; Xiah Junsu, the cutest guy who spread his charisma through his song; Micky Yoochun, the only guy who could made a woman faint by a single smile; and Choikang Changmin, the mature magnae who completed by the features of super model.
Should be: We stepped into the room and were welcomed by four other angels. They were none other than Yongwong Jaejoong, the man who had the looks of an Angel, and owned the voice of one too; Xiah Junsu, the cute one who spread his charisma through the lyrics of a song; Micky Yoochun, the only one who could make women faint with a single smile; and Choikand Changmin, the mature magnae who owned the features of a super model.
It wasn't anything big though, keep trying!
Characterization: 5/10
I couldn't really understand Yunho's character. All I knew about him, was that he was in Dong Bang Shin Ki, was the main character's fiance and that he was sincere. I understood the position of the main lead. I mean, waking up one morning to find that you're going to get married to one of Asia's biggest stars would be incredibly shocking and overwhelming, of course you would be able to match with her reaction.
Writing Style: 7/10
I found your writing style a little hard to understand because there were some sentences, that I found, could be worded better. But keep trying, we all make mistakes!
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
I found this pretty enjoyable. Just keep an eye on your grammer, characterization, flow and other aspects. It's a great story :)
Bonus: 2/5
Total: 82/100
Here's another review..
And this time, the credit and thanks go to a new opened site, fruitysociety.blogspot.com
And the same credit and thanks for Star-chan, the one who reviewed my story..
Thanks a lot for the review, i appreciate it so much.. ^^
D14