| Fan Fiction |
by Chandra
“I am sorry about the nightmares, Ruby.” Alec comforted her as he bent down, facing her. His tone was tender, and the sound of it created an ache in her chest – an ache so powerful it pulled her toward him like a magnet. It promised that if she would only give in to it – if she would wrap her arms around his waist and nestle her head against his shoulder – then everything would be all right.
But it lied. That utopia was an illusion, born of a powerful combination of desire and wishful thinking. Nothing would get better as long as this disease was still inside of her. Why couldn’t she just get better and become healthy again?
“Well, there’s nothing you can do about it.” Sitting calmly and despairingly in the wheelchair, Ruby said without hope.
The words sounded harsh, and she regretted them even as she was saying them. She could see the sting in his eyes, and even the hurt – every bit of it – bounced back to her. Her voice faltered in the end, but she kept her chin up. Ruby had to push him away. If she didn’t push hard enough, he wouldn’t go. And if he didn’t go, she would remain a blithering basket case forever. Because she knew that one day she would die. Die of this sickness she was carrying. She was tired…. Too exhausted and despairing to want to continue living.
__
They had been sitting on the benches in the garden inside of the large hospital. They talked about important events and incidents that had happened to them during their separation. Everything seemed so right and felt truly wonderful.
And then the Hong Kong night grew colder, and Tavia shivered under the thin clothes.
“Cold?” Bosco picked up on this right away.
“Uh-huh.” Tavia shivered again. “I guess it’s because I’ve been still for so long.”
“Why don’t you come sit with me?”
“With you? On the bench?”
“Yup. I won’t bite you, you know. You’ll have the heat from my body. Come on. I’m getting chilly myself.”
“Okay.” Tavia got into the chair and leaned back against him. Bosco took off his jacket and put on her and wrapped his arms around her as well. It really was a lot warmer that way, she thought.
Later that night, they had to say goodbye because Tavia had to leave. And yet Bosco couldn’t let go of her. He can’t bear not to see her face again. The feeling was tormented and unbearable. And he was practically at his wit’s end.
“What about us?” Bosco managed to say as she was inching the car out of the lot. “Is there a chance for me?”
Tavia rolled down the window and stared up at him. Then she closed her eyes. When she opened them again, she said. “I need time, Bosco. It’s all of a sudden and you appear unexpectedly.”
“But I will miss you,” he said, brushing her hair over her shoulder and lightly touching her face.
Tavia smiled. It was just the tiniest curve of her full lips. But it was a smile. Hers was certain of it.
“I’m sorry Bosco, but I need time to think.” Bosco watched her pull out of the parking lot, and then took off for home.
Tavia couldn’t find the scent of Bosco anymore as she went her way home. The man had been the wretched soul; a part of her had liked that even as another part had longed for another person. He had asked her if she will be with him again after all these years. Was she sure that the answer would be yes? He would wait for her even if it pained him. If she still wanted him! It was ridiculous, wonderfully so.
___
Both Rain and Raymond had arrived at the orphan house in time for the performance. Rain had volunteered to make a show, especially for the children. She was excited as Raymond helped her getting ready. A part of her was confused why he was willing to tag along with her, yet another part appreciated his offer to help.
Five minutes later, Rain relaxed as the children huddled around her, hugging and whispering the stories they wanted to hear.
After she had launched into the story, Rain looked up, half expecting to see Raymond Lam watching her. Later, she had to work up her courage to ask him about his intention of being kind and wonderful to her. But her nerve failed when she spotted him talking to the volunteers at the orphanage. He wasn’t alone. Linda Chung, one of the volunteers had warmed up to him in front of the desk counter, giggling and flirting outrageously.
Raymond tried to focus on the girl he just met, her long winded accounts of her helping children and lending a hand for those who were in needs. However, his gaze had strayed periodically to Rain and the show she performed for the children.
When she looked his way, Raymond smiled, becoming aware how beautiful and innocent she looked, and Rain gazed back him. Linda suddenly tried to cover his hand with hers, and Rain turned away abruptly when she saw what happened. Her easy dismissal of him stung.
___
The air still held a chill and Tavia hugged her arms to herself and shivered. The awkward feeling and the agonizing chat Tavia had had with Ron on the porch faded away. Sometimes she wished she would know what to do because she didn’t want to hurt both Ron and Bosco.
She recalled the moment when Ron had appeared in front of her house. He had looked upset and hurt. Tavia had caught his gaze, and her heart had given an odd leap at the expression in his eyes. Not the adoration she’d seen earlier, but a darker look. Betrayal. Jealousy. She couldn’t quite read his feelings.
He said something inaudible that she could not hear clearly.
She asked him to repeat. “It’s nothing” He looked away.
After a moment of debating with himself, Ron stared courageously into her eyes. His eyes seemed tell her to focus on him, wanting all of her attention. And Tavia didn’t flinch from the rough demand, but it took all her resolution to meet his haunted eyes.
“I was at the hospital this evening. I saw Bosco and you…” He didn’t continue. Couldn’t continue as the memories brought too much pain and hatred.
The devastation in his voice was so raw that she realized she had to make him understand.
“Ron, it’s not how it looks.”
“Then tell me. Explain it to me. I want to hear everything.”
“I –” She was lost for words. She can’t lie. He had seen everything and she knew it must have hurt him a lot.
Tavia clenched her hands into fists, dug her fingernails into her palms. It was time to end this before she hurt him more.
Tears had begun to trickle down her cheeks as nausea gripped her.
Ron was aware that more than a screen door stood between them. Suddenly the thought of losing this tiny sanctuary was just too much to swallow. He had to make Tavia understand how much his love was for her. He’ll be there for her, do anything for her as long as she loved him. He can’t lose her. Not again. Not when he thought they could have something meaningful together. Not now and not ever.
He placed his hand against the screen door so that his fingers touched hers.
“Please Tavia, tell me you do love me.” Ron said. Tavia jerked her hand away, the reflection of someone who had just burned her fingers on a hot stove.
“I’m sorry Ron.” She replied. Her voice sounded hoarse. And he knew what the words meant.
___
Ruby knew it hurt Alec, and yet she was willing to hurt him anyway. She felt like a burden, heaving him down. Alec had suffered and gone through many difficulties with her and Ruby cannot allow such obstruction distressing him anymore.
And Ruby waited as he had gone to get her jacket. Suddenly, appeared a fragile figure of a man she had not seen for almost twenty years already. Bewilderment and shock rippled through her as she sat still, speechless and traumatized at the unexpected confrontation.
Finally, her body relaxed. Her eyes became distant, and then Ruby turned away from him altogether. When she spoke, her voice was stilted. “Where have you been all these years?”
Ruby couldn’t look into his mind. Or his heart. Or his soul. She was afraid she would find just what he said. Happiness and hope. A glimpse of what might have been. She knew exactly what she was. She lived with her body and her mind and her scarred soul every rising. Dreams had no place in her world. And now he reappeared in her life, as if everything was too late… the feeling too excruciating to go back and experience it again.
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Chandra
07/07/07